Fools Rush In
Fools Rush In - Alternate Ending
It was a nice day. Cheery little squirrels scampered this way and that across the tree-laden land and the sun peeked out from behind puffy little clouds in the bright blue sky. The mountains seemed to sing with majesty as they gazed down at the world below them, regal and wise.
A little boy in a postcard town near the mountains found a dollar and bought a chocolate bar with it. A hobo near the chocolate shop found an abandoned shirt on a park bench. A young lady in the park just accepted her boyfriend’s proposal for marriage and the couple gazed at each other with adoration. A stalker gazing at the couple had just been arrested and the police couldn’t be happier.
However, four men in the mountains above could have been much, much happier. Why? Because these four men were hanging from a cliff and were quite unhappy about the situation.
“Jesus,” growled one of them, “Mikey, if we get out of this alive, I will kill you!”
Mikey looked hurt. “Ray,” he replied, for that was the man’s name, “What did I do?” he asked innocently.
The man who was hanging onto Mikey’s shoe, Frank, pinched Mikey. “I’ll tell you what you did, Michael! You got us into this mess and you’d better get us out of it!”
Bob nodded in agreement, unable to say anything because he was holding onto Ray’s ankle with his mouth.
Mikey thought that this was very unfair. After all, he didn’t ask anyone to follow him. He voiced his opinion and was met with another pinch from Frank. “I told you not to chase the stupid squirrel!” the short man chided.
“But it--”
“But nothing!” Ray yelled down to Mikey. “You should have listened to us. If you’re not sticking forks into toasters, you’re running after squirrels just because they took your bagel and now look where it’s got us!”
Mikey hung his head, ashamed and frightened because his grip on Bob’s arm was slipping. It really wasn’t his fault. He wanted his bagel back and Frank came running after him and Ray grabbed Bob came running after Frank when they realized he had the keys to the bus. So really, this was all Frank’s fault.
But the voice in Mikey’s head said not to kid himself.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled looking up and down at his band mates, teary eyed. “I’ll call for help.” He was about to reach into his pocket for his cell phone when Frank screamed. He then looked at both his hands and realized they were holding onto Bob’s arm. “Oh,” he said. He apologized again.
Bob looked at Mikey sympathetically. Frank and Ray glanced at each other and rolled their eyes.
“No one’s mad at you,” Ray told the younger man, even though everyone was mad at him. “Really. We’re just uh…frustrated.”
Bob and Frank nodded in agreement. Bob still couldn’t speak but his mouth was beginning to taste bad and Ray’s ankle was very wet and starting to hurt. Mikey began to think of a way to get them onto solid ground.
“Hey,” he said suddenly, startling the other three. “I have an idea!” Frank looked warily from Bob to Ray. Mikey’s ideas usually ended up in situations like their current one. “No, really,” he insisted, reading their expressions. “This is good.” He paused dramatically. “We all scream for help until someone comes along.”
Three pairs of eyes blinked simultaneously. They looked at each other and shrugged. No one had a better idea.
“HELP!” screamed Ray. “SOMEBODY HELP US! WE’RE DANGLING OFF A CLIFF AND WE NEED HELP!”
“SOMEBODY!” shrieked Frank (it was a very manly shriek) “ANYBODY! CAN YOU HEAR US? WE’RE IN DANGER! CALL 911! HELP US!”
“MMMMPPPPPPHHHHH!” said Bob as loud as he could, because he couldn’t open his mouth. “MMM! MMPH MPH MMMPH!”
“GERARD!” yelled Mikey, as though Gerard would come strolling out of nowhere to rescue them, “GERARD! COME GET US OFF THIS CLIFF! WE’RE GONNA DIE! SAVE US!”
The four of them stopped screaming for a moment and drew breath. At that moment, Gerard came strolling out of nowhere with a cone of mint chocolate chip ice cream that he was enjoying thoroughly.
He stopped and looked at his friends. “Hey guys,” he said happily, licking his ice cream. “What’s happening?”
Ray, Bob and Frank all glared at Mikey. He looked up at his older brother. “Yeah, we’re kind of in a pickle. Maybe you could put down your ice cream and get us up?”
Gerard considered this. He swallowed what was left of his ice cream whole and glanced at his watch. “Yeah, but we have a concert in like, ten minutes.”
The other four men looked at each other in panic.
“Mmmmmmmpppppppphhhhhhhhh!” Bob exclaimed. Gerard began to panic too. He had no idea what he was supposed to do!
Ray’s fingers were slipping. “Gerard!” he yelled into the singer’s ear. “Do something!” Gerard caught the guitarist’s hand in the nick of time. Underneath Ray, Bob’s teeth were tiring and Mikey’s arms were sore.
Holding Ray’s hand as tightly as he could, Gerard slowly pulled him up, followed by Bob and then Mikey and finally Frank. As soon as they were all on solid ground, they rushed as far as they could away from the ledge, relieved and ecstatic about surviving their near death experience.
Gerard wiped the sweat from his brow. “Phew,” he breathed. Hey, pulling up four grown men from a cliff is hard work. “That’ll make a great party story, Mikey. Mikey?”
Mikey was not listening. He was staring intensely at a little squirrel that had its paws mysteriously covered in cream cheese. The squirrel was staring mischievously back. As Mikey poised himself to run after the stupid rodent, Frank grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back.
“Don’t even think about it,” he growled.
“But my bagel…”
A little boy in a postcard town near the mountains found a dollar and bought a chocolate bar with it. A hobo near the chocolate shop found an abandoned shirt on a park bench. A young lady in the park just accepted her boyfriend’s proposal for marriage and the couple gazed at each other with adoration. A stalker gazing at the couple had just been arrested and the police couldn’t be happier.
However, four men in the mountains above could have been much, much happier. Why? Because these four men were hanging from a cliff and were quite unhappy about the situation.
“Jesus,” growled one of them, “Mikey, if we get out of this alive, I will kill you!”
Mikey looked hurt. “Ray,” he replied, for that was the man’s name, “What did I do?” he asked innocently.
The man who was hanging onto Mikey’s shoe, Frank, pinched Mikey. “I’ll tell you what you did, Michael! You got us into this mess and you’d better get us out of it!”
Bob nodded in agreement, unable to say anything because he was holding onto Ray’s ankle with his mouth.
Mikey thought that this was very unfair. After all, he didn’t ask anyone to follow him. He voiced his opinion and was met with another pinch from Frank. “I told you not to chase the stupid squirrel!” the short man chided.
“But it--”
“But nothing!” Ray yelled down to Mikey. “You should have listened to us. If you’re not sticking forks into toasters, you’re running after squirrels just because they took your bagel and now look where it’s got us!”
Mikey hung his head, ashamed and frightened because his grip on Bob’s arm was slipping. It really wasn’t his fault. He wanted his bagel back and Frank came running after him and Ray grabbed Bob came running after Frank when they realized he had the keys to the bus. So really, this was all Frank’s fault.
But the voice in Mikey’s head said not to kid himself.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled looking up and down at his band mates, teary eyed. “I’ll call for help.” He was about to reach into his pocket for his cell phone when Frank screamed. He then looked at both his hands and realized they were holding onto Bob’s arm. “Oh,” he said. He apologized again.
Bob looked at Mikey sympathetically. Frank and Ray glanced at each other and rolled their eyes.
“No one’s mad at you,” Ray told the younger man, even though everyone was mad at him. “Really. We’re just uh…frustrated.”
Bob and Frank nodded in agreement. Bob still couldn’t speak but his mouth was beginning to taste bad and Ray’s ankle was very wet and starting to hurt. Mikey began to think of a way to get them onto solid ground.
“Hey,” he said suddenly, startling the other three. “I have an idea!” Frank looked warily from Bob to Ray. Mikey’s ideas usually ended up in situations like their current one. “No, really,” he insisted, reading their expressions. “This is good.” He paused dramatically. “We all scream for help until someone comes along.”
Three pairs of eyes blinked simultaneously. They looked at each other and shrugged. No one had a better idea.
“HELP!” screamed Ray. “SOMEBODY HELP US! WE’RE DANGLING OFF A CLIFF AND WE NEED HELP!”
“SOMEBODY!” shrieked Frank (it was a very manly shriek) “ANYBODY! CAN YOU HEAR US? WE’RE IN DANGER! CALL 911! HELP US!”
“MMMMPPPPPPHHHHH!” said Bob as loud as he could, because he couldn’t open his mouth. “MMM! MMPH MPH MMMPH!”
“GERARD!” yelled Mikey, as though Gerard would come strolling out of nowhere to rescue them, “GERARD! COME GET US OFF THIS CLIFF! WE’RE GONNA DIE! SAVE US!”
The four of them stopped screaming for a moment and drew breath. At that moment, Gerard came strolling out of nowhere with a cone of mint chocolate chip ice cream that he was enjoying thoroughly.
He stopped and looked at his friends. “Hey guys,” he said happily, licking his ice cream. “What’s happening?”
Ray, Bob and Frank all glared at Mikey. He looked up at his older brother. “Yeah, we’re kind of in a pickle. Maybe you could put down your ice cream and get us up?”
Gerard considered this. He swallowed what was left of his ice cream whole and glanced at his watch. “Yeah, but we have a concert in like, ten minutes.”
The other four men looked at each other in panic.
“Mmmmmmmpppppppphhhhhhhhh!” Bob exclaimed. Gerard began to panic too. He had no idea what he was supposed to do!
Ray’s fingers were slipping. “Gerard!” he yelled into the singer’s ear. “Do something!” Gerard caught the guitarist’s hand in the nick of time. Underneath Ray, Bob’s teeth were tiring and Mikey’s arms were sore.
Holding Ray’s hand as tightly as he could, Gerard slowly pulled him up, followed by Bob and then Mikey and finally Frank. As soon as they were all on solid ground, they rushed as far as they could away from the ledge, relieved and ecstatic about surviving their near death experience.
Gerard wiped the sweat from his brow. “Phew,” he breathed. Hey, pulling up four grown men from a cliff is hard work. “That’ll make a great party story, Mikey. Mikey?”
Mikey was not listening. He was staring intensely at a little squirrel that had its paws mysteriously covered in cream cheese. The squirrel was staring mischievously back. As Mikey poised himself to run after the stupid rodent, Frank grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back.
“Don’t even think about it,” he growled.
“But my bagel…”