Slightly Bruised and a Little Bit Used

I groggily pulled myself out of bed at around two in the afternoon, profusely grateful that I did not have work today.

I took a long, hot shower, slowly washing the sleep and dried tears from my eyes.

I trudged into the kitchen and made myself some pancakes after I got dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, despite it being the afternoon. The pancakes actually turned out decent; usually they turn out burnt or not completely cooked.

Charli stared at me, confused by my sullen mood and behavior.

I ignored her and brought my pancakes to the table before drowning them in syrup and butter. They tasted delicious, and I was pleased that I could forget about everything meanwhile I ate my incredibly late breakfast.

“The guys are coming over,” Charli informed me, sitting at the table across from me.

I almost choked on my mouthful of deliciousness.

“Jeff invited Dave and Tom to watch tv and hang out,” she continued, shooting me a strange glance as I coughed on my food. “Shaant’s not coming; he got all pissed and hung up,” she added, shrugging. I stabbed at the remainder of my pancakes, scowling just at the mention of his stupid weird name.

She raised her eyebrows but said nothing more on that topic.

Tom and Dave arrived an hour later, and we watched some stupid show everyone else thought was funny. Or maybe I just don’t have a sense of humor.

“Where’s Shaant?” Dave questioned suddenly. Jeff shrugged.

“He was being pissy; he didn’t want to come.”

“I swear, he fucking PMS’s sometimes,” Tom said, shaking his head. I played with my shirtsleeve uncomfortably.

“Ri. Help me with something?” Charli asked suddenly, motioning for me to follow her into the kitchen. “What’s up with you? And Shaant, too. You two have been acting so weird lately.” She leaned against the counter, facing me. “Is there something you’re not telling us?” she asked suspiciously.

“No,” I lied horribly. She studied me for a few minutes and I glared defensively back.

“Are you two secretly together or something?” I snorted.

“Yeah right,” I replied, regaining my composure and scoffing, somewhat relieved that she had guessed wrong.

“Then are you fighting?” she asked quizzically.

“God damn, it Charli, no!” I exclaimed in annoyance, subconsciously rubbing the back of my neck as I flipped my hair over my shoulder. She frowned, pulling my hand away.

“My God, who keeps giving you those? You broke up with Seth awhile ago,” she said, now staring at the purplish spot that had previously been hidden by my hair.

“I did.”

“So then why-” she paused, eyes widening as she put the pieces together.

“You’ve been sleeping with him?” she demanded loudly. I winced. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you’ve been sleeping with Shaant!” I heard everyone in the other room get extremely quiet. My face burned, knowing they all heard.

“I can’t believe you haven’t told Jeff you had a miscarriage!” I shouted back, just as loud.

She gaped open-mouthed at me, speechless. I stormed past her and then past all the guys in the living room, grabbing the car keys and my purse on the way.

I got in the car and started driving to nowhere in particular; I just wanted to get away from everything. I found myself instinctively driving down a familiar street.

“Motherfucker!” I shouted in exasperation, as I drove past Shaant’s place.

I drove for a bit longer before just pulling over to the side of the road.

I rested my head on the steering wheel.

It’s incredible how shitty and low I could feel.