A Simple Love Story. Not!

As I made my way over to Joe, trying not to bump into a lot of people but doing so anyways, I threw a lot of sorry’s and excuse me’s over my shoulder.

“Sorry.” I said yet again to another person. “It’s o…oh. Hi.” Duckie said while she turned around to say it was ok, but her voice dropped upon seeing me and hearing that alone put a halt to getting to Joe.

“What’s wrong?” I immediately asked her, she was after all my sister’s best friend and practically my own little sister as well.

She quickly rolled her eyes and snapped a “Nothing.” at me before she turned around but I wasn’t going to take that as an answer. She also seemed like she was upset with me or something. I grabbed her arm and spun her around to have her look at me again and asked her if I did something wrong to upset her but, her response made me even more upset.

“Nope.” she answered sarcastically, popping the ‘p’ in it and rolled her eyes yet again.

I bit my tongue, wanting to yell at her for her to tell me what the heck was going on, but I simply tugged on her arm and said, “We’re talking about this. Now!” and made my way through everyone to go up to my room to talk to her. She struggled with me at first, but when my grip tightened on her instead of loosening, she gave in and made her way behind me. I bumped into Joe on the way to the stairs and I sent him a smile. Ok…maybe it was a lovesick smile since he looked straight into my eyes and smiled back at me from my smile, but when I heard Duckie let out a sigh, I snapped out of my trance and proceeded up the stairs and into my room.

“Ok…what the heck was that down there?” I asked her once were safely in my room, and she went and sat down on my bed while I stood guard by the door to prevent her from up and leaving.

“Nothing.” she scoffed out and when I used a threatening tone while saying, “Duckie” she threw her hands up in the air and yelled, “It’s nothing ok?!”

“No. That’s not nothing. And what the heck did I do to you to deserve this bratty attitude?”

She just scoffed and relaxed back on my bed, arms crossed across her chest and head turned away from me and said, “I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“To hell you do!” I snapped and that alone made her angry expression wipe off her face as she turned to look at me while I advanced towards her on my bed. “You're my sisters best friend and you're like my other little sister. I don't care how long it takes, you're going to tell me what I did to you to make you so mad at me."

I was fuming upset right now. My face probably resembled a cherry tomato and when I saw some fear in her eyes from the way I was yelling at her, I softened up a little bit on my expression, but I did cross my arms over my chest and put all my body weight on my right hip to show her that I meant what I said and continued to look down on her.

It was a few minutes of the two of us looking at each other that way, before she dropped her head down and let out a long sigh before she said, “It’s not you. I’m me. I’m just….I’m just jealous I guess.” while picking at the fake lint on my bedspread.

“Jealous? Jealous of what?” I simply asked her, my anger completely gone thanks to absolute confusion taking it’s place.

She let out a heavy sigh, still not looking up at me before she said, “You and Joe. You guys are so close and I know that you like him...a lot, and he likes you too. I'm just jealous that you got the guy you wanted.” she finished then mumbled softly under her breath, “He just happened to be the guy that I wanted."

I took a seat next to her in a state of complete shock that because of a boy, a boy that I wasn’t even talking to at the moment, was the reason why Duckie, my other little sister, was so upset with me.

I had no idea. She never acted differently to me until now and I felt like a horrible person for never seeing this coming. Especially with her. I mean, I knew she liked Joe, but I didn’t think that me being friends with him and liking him would make it be like this between us.

I let out a thoughtful sigh before I turned my body towards her.

"First of all, why didn't you say anything to me until now when this has been going on for so long? Second of all, I don't have Joe. And to be honest with you, I just found out about 5 minutes ago that he might like me. And third of all, we're not even that close anymore. I’ve barely talked to him for the last couple of months." I stated, biting my tongue at the last part because it was all my fault for us not being close anymore.

“Are you kidding me? You just found out that he liked you?” she asked me with a disbelieving tone.

I nodded my head once before saying, “Well, like 3 months ago I knew he liked me, but we decided not to try anything because it would've been too hard. But as time went on, we started talking less and I thought that he didn't like me anymore because of Demi, but she just told me that she thinks that he likes me because I guess he talks about me all the time or something." I shrugged my shoulders at the last part to show how confused I was about this whole thing.

“Wow!” she stated with a laugh. “You, Steph, are so naïve.” I snapped my head to look at her from looking down at the ground for a few seconds after hearing her laugh, and she said, “I knew he liked you since the day we first met them in the hospital!”

“Yeah, well, I messed that all up now.” I stated and covered my face with my hands. “I'm the reason why we don't talk anymore. I stopped talking to him because of my feelings for him, and then with him and Demi 'dating'- but I found out that they really weren't- it's all just confusing." I stated, cutting myself off and throwing myself onto my back and laying down on my bed.

I laid there for a few minutes before Duckie broke the silence between us.

“I'm sorry.”

I scoffed softly, still wallowing in my thoughts of how I messed everything up with Joe and asked her why she was sorry.

“Because I was jealous of you. You are like my other older sister and I'm sorry. You can't help it if a guy likes you, and I just have to get used to that Joe is yours.”

“That's where you're wrong though. He's not mine!” I said, raising my voice slightly to get my point across that he was never mine to begin with. “And now with the way things are going, I don't think he ever will be. He still doesn't know that I love him or anything. He's probably so mad at me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore about all of this. He's probably given up.” I stated and then rubbed my face from my stress that I was feeling and let them lay there for in fear that a few tears were going to come out and I didn’t want her to see them.

"Well, there's only one way to find out, and that's to talk to him." she said to me, patting my leg before the bed shifted, indicating that she got off of it while I took in a deep breath and sighed.

“Yeah, you're right.” I said, rubbing my face yet again and moving slightly to get more comfortable on my bed to try and think everything through. “I just don't know what to say that's all.”

It was silent for a few minutes and I closed my eyes before bringing my hands off of my face.

“What do you think I should tell him?” I asked and opened my eyes, looking up at the ceiling.

“Why don't you tell him the truth.”

That did not sound like Duckie. That sounded a lot like“Joe?”

I snapped up from my position I was currently in and saw him standing next to my doorway.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him while grabbing at my head somewhat from getting a head rush from sitting up too fast.

“Well, it’s your sister’s birthday and we cam-”

“I know that’s why you’re here here, but what are you doing here?” I asked, cutting him off. “In my room?”

I stood up slowly and stood in front of my bed while looking at him as he told me that Duckie told him that I needed to talk to him and that I was up in my room.

“So what did you have to tell me?”

I am going to kill Duckie!

He walked past me and took a seat on my bed where Duckie was previously sitting 5 minutes ago, and he patted the bed next to him for me to sit down.

I swallowed loudly before taking a seat next to him and letting out an apprehensive, “Well…”

I couldn’t believe I was going to tell him. I was going to tell I’m that I loved him.

And then he will say it back and we’ll be together forever and it’ll be Hakuna Matata.[/i

“Well...I umm, I guess, that...I'm a…” I stuttered out and looked down at my bedspread that my hands were currently picking at to try and release some of my nerves.

My throat felt like it was closing up on me and my head was spinning from actually thinking about uttering the words, ‘I love you’ to my best friend. My mouth got suddenly dry since I was taking in deep breaths quickly and I kept licking my lips.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly and then shut my eyes, even though he couldn’t see them since I was already looking down.

I had failed. I had failed in telling him how I felt.

But then he grabbed both of my hands, putting a stop to my incessant invisible lint picking, and I didn’t feel like a failure anymore.

If I get to hold hands with him for not saying something, hell, I won’t say anything ever again.

“What are you sorry for?” he asked me, making me look into his eyes and I could see him pleading with me through his eyes to get me to say it, and that made me look away from him again and sigh.

“What happened to us Steph?” he asked when I didn’t say anything after a minute. I could hear the hurt in his voice and even though I wasn’t looking into them, I could just picture his eyes watering up slightly. “We never kept anything from each other and then 2 months ago I told you that I liked Demi and then we-” he stopped and tugged on my hands slightly, causing me to look up at him and seeing the start of a smirk forming on his face. “Is it because I told you that I liked Demi?”

My heart raced from him figuring it out and my eyes widened for a second before I pulled one of my hands out of his and waved it at him while letting out a puff of air. “Pfft…no. Of course not. No. NO.” I stated and then sent him a small smile.

He cocked his head to the side slightly and brought up on of his eyebrows in a questioning manner and said, “Don’t lie to me Steph.” with a paternal tone to it. It actually scared me a little to see him so serious combined with actually sounding serious.

I looked away from him and down at the ground, taking in a deep breath and letting it out before looking up at him and saying in a dejected tone, “Ok, maybe that might have been the reason why I started talking less.”

"Why would it matter if I liked her or not?” he asked me with a small laugh at the end, while I looked down at our hands there were still holding onto each other. “It shouldn't matter cuz we're just-Wait a minute!” he said, and I could hear the light switch flick to ‘On’ in his head. “Do you, do you like me?”

I looked back up at him through my eyelashes as he continued. “Cuz that’s the only reason that I can think of.” I shut my eyes slowly and bit my lip from hearing him say that, turning my head down slightly to prevent him from seeing me like this. “You're jealous!" he stated, a huge amount of amusement portraying in his voice during that statement and I snapped my eyes open and tried to bit down my anger.

Deciding that I had to answer him, but I didn’t want to actually admit to being jealous, I decided to play off of his, “You like me statement.”

"Well, of course I like you. You're my best friend! Why wouldn't I like you?!" I snapped and he looked even more amused for a few seconds before his hands started to rub mine and he cocked his head yet again to the side while saying, “Come on Steph. You know what I mean.” a huge joyful, amused smile on his face that he figured it all out.

“No.” I snapped quickly and pulled my hands out of his. “I just like you as a friend. That's it. End of discussion!” I said and shot up off of my bed.

Ok…so that was lie.

A major lie.

A major lie to my best friend.

A major lie, to my best friend’s face.

I was going straight to hell, no doubt about it. But he cornered me and was calling me out on my feelings and I hate that! And when I get called out on something, the only way I know how to handle it, is denial.

Sure, it wasn’t the best way, but hey, it worked for me.

“Fine then.” he quipped while getting up from my bed as well and looking down at me. “Maybe I'll ask Demi out then, since you were the reason why I wasn't going too.”

He took a step away from me, making me shake my head out of confusion from his statement and I yelled, “What?” back at him, having him turn around and look at me.

“Yep. You were the reason stopping me from asking her out. I wanted to know if you had any feelings for me like you said you did 3 months ago because I know I still have feelings for you. But since you don't, I can just forget about trying to pursue you, and ask her out!” he explained and even though my heart would have been ecstatic hearing him say that he still liked me and was pursuing me, it shattered from hearing him say that he was going to ask Demi out because of me lying to him.

He turned around to make his way out of my room when I yelled that he couldn’t ask her.

“You just can’t Joe. You can’t!” I yelled afterwards, tears starting to fill my eyes from seeing him getting farther away from me.

I loved him.

Loved Him.

And hearing him say that he liked another girl hurt bad enough. But to hear him say that he was gong to ask another girl out because of me not telling him the truth, that killed me. It killed me to know that he still liked me but, because of my dumb ass denial, he was going to ask someone else out.

“And why not?” he shot back at me, turning around yet again. “You don't like me so what's stopping me now huh?”

The anger that he was using was so clearly evident, especially when he wasn’t yelling at me. I would have preferred that instead of hearing him say that sentence in normal volume with a whole bunch of anger mixed in with it.

“Because!” I shot back at him, shaking my head to try and stop myself from crying. The tears were right there, another few seconds and they would be cascading down my face.

“Wow, that's a good reason for me not to ask her to be my girlfriend!” he shot back at me, slightly higher in volume and also very sarcastic. Hearing the word, “Girlfriend.” leave his lips when it wasn’t combined with my name or anything to do with me, sent the tears over the edge.

“I love you Joe. That’s why. I love you!” I yelled at him like word vomit through my tears and even though I was grateful that the music that was playing was so loud that it covered up our fight, I was wishing it wasn’t because I wanted someone to come in and take me away from this.

“Wh-what?” he asked, more so to himself than me but word vomit just doesn’t go away right away. It sticks around.

“I’ve loved you for the last 3 months!” I yelled out to him while I sunk back onto my bed, tears falling from my eyes, as he quickly made his way back towards me and kneeled down next to me.

“Steph, what did you just say?” he asked me just above a whisper as he attempted to grab my hand, but I shook my head and shoved it away from me, standing up and pacing my room.

Did he not hear me yell it at him?

“Steph.” he stated while he got up from his kneel and went to me, grabbing my shoulders to prevent me from pacing. His voice was so soft, so soothing, so caring, that it put me at a stand still with my sobbing and I couldn’t help but wish that he had pulled me in for a hug instead of just stopping my pacing.

I sniffled a few times, and then rubbed at my face, while my breathing slowed down to a normal rate before I whispered, “I love you Joe. I’ve loved you for the last 3 months.”

I heard a slight intake of breath from him as he released me from his grasp on my shoulders and he stood there, mouth slightly open and eyes wide. He took a few deep breaths before staggering backwards towards my bed and when he bent down for it to touch his hand, he took a seat on it and looked down at the ground.

I licked my lips and wiped at my face a few more times, trying to make sure that my mascara wasn’t running, but since I didn’t have a mirror to look into at the moment, I had to just hope that it wasn’t. I took a seat next to him on my bed, about an arms length away, because I didn’t know what the heck was running through his head at the moment.

This wasn’t exactly how I pictured it would be when I told him that I loved him, but at least he wasn’t upset.

I bit my lip a few times and tried to find anything to have my mind wander off onto for the time being, but the only thing I could think about, was what the man sitting before me was thinking.

“Joe?” I asked him, just above a whisper as I leaned slightly towards him.

He brought his head up and looked at me, his fingers interlaced while his arms rested on his thighs.

“You loved me…” he trailed off and I nodded my head, not really knowing if I was supposed to say anything. He nodded his head once, and looked away from me, bringing up one of his hands to wipe at his face before he sniffled once and then looked back at me. “You loved me for 3 months, and you didn’t bother to tell me until now?”

My heartbeat quickened from hearing his hurt tone mixed into his voice. But the thing that really made my heart pump, was when he repeated the same question, except no hurt was found in his question. Anger had replaced it.

I sucked in a breath and opened my mouth to say something back to him, but when nothing came to mind other than wanting to say “Pita Pockets” to change the subject, I closed it and looked down at my hands.

He quickly sprung up off of my bed not even a minute later and grabbed at his head with one hand while the other swung around before landing on his hip and he yelled, “I can't believe you didn't bother telling me until now!”

I jumped up from my bed and made my way towards him, but he shoved both of his hands up and to keep me at arms length away from him and I knew that the possibility to fix things were quickly going out the window.

“Joe, please, I can explain. I didn't want to tell you ov-” I stated but when he turned his back to me, I stopped.

“Save it.” he said once he was full turned away from me. “I don't want to hear it. There's no explanation to not tell someone that you love them.” My eyes started to tear up again, afraid of what he was going to say next. He turned his head over his shoulder to look at me, anger and hurt and tears were mixed in his eyes and that only made me want to cry even more. “That toys with people's emotions Steph and you toyed with mine for the last time.” he stated before he turned his head and walked out of my room.

I took a few deep breaths, and stared at my doorway once he was gone, hoping and praying that his head would pop out from around the corner any minute and he’d smile and say, “Just kidding.” But when the seconds turned into a couple of minutes, and his head didn’t pop back in my sight, I actually let it sink in that he had walked away from me. He walked away from my love that I had for him. And that’s what did me in.

My knees buckled and I collapsed onto the ground and cried. My heart was literally broken. Yeah, it was broken when Andy and I broke up…but Joe….this was so different. Andy was an ass. Joe…he was perfect. He was ideal. With Joe, I knew what love was because he unknowingly made me fall in love with him only after knowing him for 6 months and I didn’t even have to physically be with him. I fell in love with his dorky, smart ass, comedic self. Not because he was Joe Jonas from the Jonas brothers. No, I fell in love with him because he was just Joe to me. Just Joe from the Jonas family. Nothing more and nothing less. And yet, here I was, crying on my bedroom floor because my stupid mistake of not telling him that I liked him, that I loved him.

I couldn’t believe, that single handedly, I ruined whatever sort of relationship I could have had with Joe in the future, or even now. It was all my fault and none of it his. And that thought alone made me start hitting my floor as I cried even harder from the pain of a broken heart and the pain that I was feeling in my hand.

“Stephanie…” someone said to me in what sounded like a questioning tone before they yelled, “Steph!” and then ran to me and engulfed me in a hug from behind, wrapping my arms up into it so I couldn‘t move them and they kept me completely immobile.

I cried harder now that I had someone holding me and preventing me for getting out my frustration for myself.

“Calm down Steph. It‘s ok, it‘s ok.” the mystery person said and started to rock me into their chest, calming me down a little bit from just having someone be there for me in this desperate time of need.

“What happened?” they asked and since my crying had died down a substantial amount, I was able to figure out whose soft voice was ringing through my ears.

“What happened?” Nick asked me yet again as he picked me up and took a seat on my bed, placing me next to him and rocking me into him, stroking my back while my head rested on his shoulder and I gripped at his shirt as if it was my life line.

I took a deep breath, a few more deep breaths to try and calm my voice down even though I could feel myself wanting to cry again.

“I..” I started having to gasp for air since I was trying so hard to fight the tears. “I told him….I told him that I lo….that I loved him and he……” I gasped again and more tears fell from my eyes and Nick went back to shushing me and rubbing my back.

“He…” I started again while wiping at my face, my breaths going from quick deep ones to try and fight off the tears to slow, deep ones to help calm me.

“He got mad at me.” I stated and then took a few deep breaths to keep myself calm. “And then he walked out.”

Nick kept rubbing my back as he asked me, “What did he say?” and I smiled slightly from how soft his voice was. He barely even asked me that above a whisper from trying to keep me calm, even though I would have to take a couple deep breaths to keep the tears at bay.

“He pretty much said that I was wrong to not have told him that I loved him.” I took a few deep breaths from being able to remember hearing the anger in Joe’s voice and the look in his eyes when he walked away. It killed me all over again and Nick was right back to shushing me and telling me to calm down. “And he said…” I started again after preventing more tears to fall. “He said that it was the last time I was going to toy with his emotions and walked out.” I finished quickly while a few silent tears fell down my face and I quickly wiped them away.

"Did you at least tell him why you didn't tell him until now?" he asked me back, still rocking me and rubbing my back, now starting to run his hands through my hair.

I shook my head quickly before I pushed off of him slightly, now able to possible control myself and said, "No, he walked out before I could explain it to him."

He let out a loud, upset sigh and brought up his hand to run through his curls before he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'm so sorry Steph. Joe is just too dumb to realize what he's doing. As bad as it is to say about my brother, sometimes he can be such a bonehead." Earning a small smile from my end upon hearing the ‘bonehead‘ comment.

“Thanks Nick.” I stated and completely disengaged myself from him and got up from my bed. Taking in a few deep breaths and running my hands through my hair while I walked to my mirror on my closet I said, “But I don't want to ruin my sisters birthday party and I don't want you to be worrying about me when you're out to dinner with her tonight, so this is all going to be put on hold.”

I heard him let out a small laugh as I reapplied some mascara to my lashes and then I rubbed under my eyes to get rid of my running eyeliner while asking him a confused, “What?” to his laughing.

“I know that it may be hard for you to believe right now, but you are amazing. You care more about your sister than you do about yourself and that's amazing. She's lucky to have a sister like you.” he stated while I started running a comb through my hair.

“And she's lucky to have you as a boyfriend...well...soon anyways.” I said to him, flashing him a smile before I turned around and checked myself one more time in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable.

“Thanks.” he said while letting out a nervous laugh. “But you really think she’s going to say yes?" he asked in a wishful tone.

I stopped my incessant picking at myself and fixing my hair to let out a surprised laugh and looked at him. “Ha! Are you kidding me? She would say yes to you while elephants were trampling her. She's crazy about you Nick. And your Valentines Day present was all she talked about for like a month. She's head over heels crazy for you! Trust me, she's going to say yes. And probably cry! So be ready for that.” looking one more time, for real this time, into my mirror before I made my way back towards him on my bed.

“Well, you already prepped me for that so I think I'll be good for that part.” he joked and I fake glared at him before saying, “Ha-Ha! Very funny little man, now lets get downstairs before...well...I don't know. But lets get downstairs!” and then made my way towards my door, him following behind me after flicking the light off of my room and shutting the door.

I plastered a fake smile on my face as Nick and I descended down the stairs, and even though I didn’t want to see him, my eyes instantly caught Joe talking to Demi and Kevin. Demi looked like she was shocked, maybe surprised about whatever Joe was talking about with her and Kevin looked like he was upset about something.

"Don't worry about it. I'll talk to him." Nick whispered into my ear when I stopped on the bottom stair and all I did was lean back slightly, keeping my eyes glued to Joe, Demi and Kevin and asked, “Which one?“

“What are you talking about? Which one? Joe of course!” he whisper yelled into my ear while chuckling slightly and hitting me softly upside the head, making me laugh slightly from thinking about the V8 commercials before I actually answered him.

“Kevin too. He looks pissed about something. And to be honest, I think that something is me.”

He heard him let out a sigh and when I looked back, I caught the end of his head and eye roll before he said, “Well, then I guess I’ll talk to Kevin first and figure out his problem. Then I’ll talk to Joe.”

I smiled to myself and was so happy that Nick and I got close through the whole trying to figure out which way to ask out my sister talks. I could honestly say, I would have no problem with her dating him.

I gave him a quick hug and whispered a “Thanks“ in his ear, him nodding his head and giving me a smile before I walked over to my sister and her friends that she was talking to at the moment while he made his way towards Demi and his brothers.

I was going to dance, laugh and make it seem like I was having a blast. Because that‘s what my sister wanted and I wasn‘t going to ruin this party for her. Not me, not Joe. Not Kevin. Nobody was going to make this night horrible for her, even if that meant that I had to pretend that I was un-phased by the situation that I put myself in.