A Simple Love Story. Not!

I really did, I really tried my hardest to make it seem like nothing was wrong but with Joe going around and purposely flirting with other girls, that definitely put a small dip in my success.

And how I knew he was doing it on purpose? He simply would look at me every time he was about to lightly touch a girls arm or hand and then plaster a fake smile on his face and say something funny, then proceed to throw his head back and catch me in his sight to make sure I was watching.

It damn near killed me to watch, and yet, I never could look away. It’s like when you see someone with a plumber’s crack, you know it’s disgusting and yet a part of you just wants to look to actually see if it’s for real.

And what actually practically ripped my heart out, was when him and I would lock eyes with each other for a couple seconds. They didn’t have a smile or a sparkle in them like how they used to. They looked sad, but angry at the same time, and then he would look away and put a fake smile on and proceed to do the fake laughing and touching the girls hand or arm.

I didn’t know what his problem was. Was he actually trying to kill me? Make me jealous? Or did he want me to walk up to him and slap him across the face for being an ass? But no matter which one he wanted, he got all three emotions from me. They just kinda overlapped one another constantly. He definitely knew me well enough to push my buttons, and I hated him for it. And yet, even though I wanted to basically die whenever I saw him flash a smile at the girl he was talking to, fake or not, or slap him when he touched another girl, I didn’t. I couldn’t, otherwise I would ruin my sister’s birthday party and it would be me VS. every girl in the room Joe was giving attention to. And the thought alone of ruining my sister’s 17th birthday party is what made me stay grounded to the spot in the doorway between the living room and kitchen.

Letting out a disgruntled sigh and having to look away from Joe from seeing a girl touch his arm, I focused on the two only serious looking people in the room that were talking on the couch.

Nick and Kevin.

Nick was talking to Kevin at the moment, taking a glance in Ally’s direction every few minutes to make sure she didn’t think anything was going on. He was simply amazing, and for once, I didn’t mind her actually liking a guy. All the other guys she’s liked and dated, which were only two, treated her like crap. Ok, well that’s not true. The first one treated her like crap, having broke up with her through an e-mail while we were in London for Spring Break. That ass. The other one, they just realized that it was too awkward for them to date since they were like brother and sister for so long and called it quits. But Nick, Nick would treat her right, there was no doubt in my mind, and that thought, knowing that my little sister would be taken care of by such a great guy, made a small smile come across my face.

Her happiness, no matter what predicament I’m in at the moment, is first and foremost and I’d do anything to make her happy because when she’s happy, I’m happy.

When Kevin started to glare slightly at me, that was my cue to look away and cut my thoughts off about Nick and Ally and noticed that Liz was making her way towards me with a semi confused face, but still a small smile on her lips.

Please don’t ask me what’s wrong! Please don’t ask me what’s wrong!

I plastered a fake smile on my face as she was almost right next to me and straightened up slightly instead of leaning on the doorframe.

“Hey hun. What's up?” she simply asked and I already felt myself cracking slightly from her question. Everyone knows, “What’s up?” is code for, “What the heck is going on?” At least, that’s what it means in my book.

“Not much.” I said with a simple shrug of my shoulder. “You?”

I hope she didn’t pick up on how awkward my voice just sounded there.

“Not much either.” she said while letting out a sigh.

We stood there in a semi awkward silence and position for a few seconds and I cursed myself in my head for ruining what I had with Joe and now making it awkward for her. I guess I wasn’t as good of an actress as I led myself to believe.

“How's everything going with Joe?” she asked a few seconds later and I winced slightly at his name, having my eyes go straight to him for a split second to see him dancing with a girl. He wasn’t slow dancing, he was just….he was ‘Joe’ dancing. Arms and legs going all over the place while the girl laughed at him and he laughed with her.

I wanted to smack the both of them, but using my will power, I forced my first thought out of my head and turned to look at Liz.

“Not good.” I simply stated and then looked away from her when I saw her eyes.

It was sympathy eyes. I hated those. They sucked.

“Why do you say that?” she asked back and I felt my anger bubbling up, not at her, just…in general from everything that had happened all within a half hour of telling Joe. How he walked away from me. How Kevin is currently still glaring at me, despite the fact that Nick is moving his head to cut off the glare from burning a hole in me. How Joe was purposely doing what he is doing with other girls to get some sort of reaction out of me.

“I messed up ok?!” I snapped and then bit my lip from seeing her eyes widen and look slightly scared.

Great, now instead of my anger bubbling up, my guilt was coursing through my body for yelling at her, for not telling Joe about my love for him three months ago because then none of this awkward crap that was making me upset a few moments before, would be happening. How Nick was the one cleaning up mess for me instead of having fun with my sister and her friends.

Stupid emotions…why couldn’t I just be a damn robot?!

“Sorry….” I stated after a few seconds, looking down at the ground. “It’s just so…overwhelming right now. I messed up, big time, and I’m not going to deny it but….” I trailed off, biting my lip to hold back my tears from picturing Joe yelling at me and then walking away from me.

I felt her put an arm around my shoulders and pull me into her for a few seconds before going back to her original stance. “He didn’t even let me explain myself.” I finally choked out, trying my hardest to not let her see me cry.

I hated crying, it showed weakness, and the fact that Joe had seen me at my weakest point so many times, I hated that even more. The only person, up until Joe who got the privilege to see me cry, was Ally and that was because she was my sister.

“Well….” she trailed off and took a step towards me again, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and standing next to me. “Explain it to me then.”

I nodded my head once before taking in a deep breath and choking down the urge to cry. I let out my breath before starting.

“I didn't want to tell him because at first I didn't know for sure if I really did love him.”

There…that part wasn’t so bad….keep talking.

“And then when I realized that I did, I wanted to say it to his face, not over the phone. I wanted to see the way he was going to react when I told him-” I stopped myself, having the memory of Joe yelling at me and walking away from me and that started the tears. I looked up at her, her seeing my eyes gloss over with unshed tears that were begging to come out. “But now I’m really regretting it.” I managed to finish before I let a tear make it’s way down from my eye and when she said, “That makes sense, I would’ve done the same thing.” that’s when I let out a heart wrenching sob.

“But now he won't look at me unless its to glare at me or to make sure I'm watching him make a move on another girl.” I cried out, my will power to keep them held back gone from how hurt I felt all over again.

She quickly pulled me into the bathroom, that was located on the other side of the little doorway we were standing in, as I started taking small shallow breaths and locked us both in there.

“And now Kevin's mad at me along with Joe…” I started, the crying coming more, but I needed to vent and talk about this and the only person I could talk to about it at the moment, was Liz. I couldn‘t tell Ally and I couldn‘t tell Duckie because Duckie would tell Ally that I was crying and then she would run to take care of me instead of having fun at her party. “Nick is the only one who understands where I'm coming from and is trying to help me.” I stated while she pulled me into her shoulder and rocked me slightly while making shushing noises.

I stood there, my arms at my sides while I cried on her shoulder, rocking back and forth slightly and slowly getting my crying to calm down again and my breathing back to normal.

“Everything is just spinning out of control right now.” I stated softly after a few minutes and then got out of her grasp to turn and look in the mirror.

Great, my mascara and eyeliner are running….again!

“Don’t worry hun. I'll go talk to Kevin right now.” she stated and even though I didn’t want her to, I knew that she was going to no matter what I said so it was just easier for me to keep my mouth shut than get into my third fight for the night.

We stood in the bathroom together in complete silence as I made myself more presentable and when I was told by Liz that I looked perfect, we exited it and she went straight towards Kevin with a mission.

“To give him a piece of my mind!” Her words, not mine.

I turned to look at the clock to see what time it was, and came to realize it was a little after 6, meaning that people were going to be leaving soon because Nick would be taking Ally out to dinner at 7:30. But when I looked over towards the couch from when I last saw him, Liz was now in his place and Nick…well, he was nowhere to be seen.

I scanned the rest of the remaining people’s faces around the living room and I noticed that Joe was gone as well and I came to the conclusion that they were somehow linked, which meant, Nick was now talking Joe.

Once realizing that, I decided to just go over to Ally and see how her night was and just hang out with her and a couple of her friends that she was talking to, but Kevin and Liz both ambushed me on my way over to her.

“Can we talk?” he simply asked while giving me….damn sympathy eyes again! Well, at least its not a glare anymore.

I nodded my head and gave him a soft smile, him returning a smile back at me while Liz smiled widely at me, gave Kevin a kiss on the cheek and then disappeared to some unknown place in my house.

We walked silently towards the couch and each took a seat in the middle to keep our conversation quiet between us and no one else.

“So, Liz talked to me.” he stated and I nodded my head, already knowing that being the reason why he wasn’t glaring at me and in fact talking to me now. “And she told me that this isn’t my fight with you. It’s Joe’s.” I nodded yet again, completely agreeing with Liz’s reasoning. “But…” he started and I mentally rolled my eyes.

There’s always a ‘but’.

“I just want to know why you didn’t tell Joe until now.”

I nodded, yet again, since that’s all I seemed to be capable of at the moment, and then looked down towards the couch and started picking at it for a few seconds before I looked back up into his face.

“Basically, I thought it was just some stupid little crush that I would get over.” I said slowly and when I saw him nod his head, I continued. “So, because I thought I would get over it, there was no reason to tell Joe that I loved him or liked him. There's no reason to tell someone you might love them and then find out you don’t and have them possibly heartbroken.” He nodded yet again while I paused. “I care about Joe way too much to hurt him like that, and then when I realized that I did love him, I wanted to tell him. Really, I did.” I looked down towards the couch again and started picking at it before I continued. “But not over the phone, I wanted to tell him in person.”

I waited for a few minutes for a response from him, and when it was going on about 5 minutes of nothing but silence on his end, I let out a sigh and looked up at him, and that’s when he smiled slightly at me and said, “Well that makes sense. But…”

Again with the ‘buts’!

“Why did you stop talking to him for the last month”

I sighed and nodded my head, somewhat relieved that that ‘but’ wasn’t so bad. I was thinking he was going to say, “But, I still want to kill you for hurting my brother.” but clearly, that wasn’t the case.

I pursed my lips slightly and then licked them, causing him to put an arm around my shoulders from thinking that this was going to be difficult for me, which it was, but still, it was weird being this close with Kevin. Yeah, I loved him, he was a great guy, but I don’t know, I guess I just got so close with Nick so quickly, that it felt a little weird to be in this sort of situation with him. Plus the fact that his girlfriend was standing not even 10 feet away from us. Although, she knew it wasn’t anything intimate or anything like that. It was just him trying to make it easier on me.

“I stopped talking to him because I thought he didn't like me anymore, and I didn't know how to deal with that knowing that I was in love with him.” He simply nodded and I felt a small squeeze on my shoulder from his hand, encouraging me to continue. “And when he said that he liked Demi and he was thinking about asking her out, I just...I couldn't talk to him the same way after that. It was too hard, and not because I was mad at him for liking another girl, but mad at myself for not letting him know how I felt. I put myself in that situation so I had to take the responsibilities, but that doesn‘t mean I liked it one bit.” I explained and then waved off, realizing that the responsibility talk was just me rambling. “Anyways,” I started again. “When I met her, she said that they were just really good friends and that she thought that he still liked me. So I went to go talk to him about it all, and then...well...I guess you know Joes side of the story after that.” I finished slowly and somewhat sad and then looked down and started to play with my fingers in my lap.

“Well…” he sighed out a few seconds later after having everything processed. “That defiantly makes things a lot easier to understand. I'm going to go and try and find Nick and Joe and try and get him to talk to you about all of this. You need to be honest with him.” he said and then got up after patting my shoulder, but then turned back towards me and said with wide eyes, “With Everything!”

“But look at what happened last time when I was honest with him. He stormed out and wouldn't listen to me when I tried explaining everything to him!” I shot back defensively and getting up from my seat to at least stand by him. I wasn’t level with him since he was a couple inches taller than me, but still, at least it wasn’t too drastic of a height displacement from compared to when I was sitting.

“I know. I know.” he said while putting his hands up in a surrender way, making my somewhat scowl leave my face. “I'll be there right outside the door to make sure he can't just up and leave if he doesn't like what he’s hearing. I'll make him listen.” he said while sending me a smile to let me know he meant what he said.

I smiled sweetly at him and gave him a quick hug and said, “Sorry for getting you caught up in all this. Where’s Nick? I need to apologize to him too.”

We pulled away from each other and as if on cue, Nick and Joe both came walking in through the front door, Kevin and I standing there with blank looks on our faces from not even knowing that they left.

Nick kept looking back at Joe, possibly to see if he was still behind him, but I’m not too sure, but when I got a good look at Nick, he looked slightly exhausted and a good majority of my guilt resurfaced for getting him caught up in mine and Joe’s drama. Joe looked like he was just slapped in face and when he locked eyes with me, for a split second, he looked down at the ground like he was guilty of something and that caused my head to spin from thinking about what Nick possibly had said to him outside.

Ally ran straight up to Nick in a matter of seconds, and a huge smile came onto his face when she gushed about how worried she was since he was gone for the last half hour with Joe. He said something into her ear that made her giggle slightly and she gave him a small kiss on the cheek while he looked directly into Joe’s eyes and then nodded his head towards me, having Joe slump his shoulders and make his way towards me.

Kevin quickly turned around, gave me a quick hug and said, “Good luck” in my ear before taking off to find Liz right as Joe came up to me and sat down on the couch.

I bit my lip, not knowing if I was supposed to sit down next to him or not, but when he looked up at me, then moved his head towards the couch and then back up at me, I slowly sat down. And instead of sitting right next to him like Kevin and I were just moment before, I sat as far away from him on the couch that I could. I didn’t know if he wanted me to invade his personal bubble and with the silent treatment already, I had no idea what the heck to think or do at the moment.

We sat there for what felt like hours, when in reality it was about 5 minutes, me playing with my hands in my lap while he twiddled his thumbs, before I finally broke out and said, “Joe, I’m really sorry that you found out like that but could we jus-

“Talk?” he asked while cutting me off, lifting his head to look at me. I nearly almost chocked when I saw a small flicker of a smile in his eyes before they dead-panned and then he turned them back down towards the couch.

I nodded my head while saying, “Yeah” sadly and then got up from the couch and stuck my hand out towards him to have him take it. But instead, he just got up and walked right past me and towards the stairs to head up to my room.

I let my head fall from the fact that when he walked past me, he made sure not to touch me the slightest bit, like I had a bubble around me that if he were to touch it, he’d get sucked into it with me.

I let out a sigh and turned around to head towards the stairs and talk to him in my room, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Kevin and Liz start to make their way towards the end of the stairs, that alone making a small smile come onto my face since he was going to keep his promise of not letting Joe leave my room.

Joe stood in front of my door, waiting for me and it killed me more that he didn’t just walk in and make himself comfy like the few times he did when he was here. I think that killed me even more than him hitting on other girls on purpose.

I opened the door and motioned for him to go in first and when he simply walked past me, not even sparing me a glance, I let out a small sigh and watched as he sat down on my bed.

This is going to be fun!

I walked in after that and closed to door on the sympathetic smiles I was getting from Kevin and Liz who were hurrying up the stairs and towards my room to keep Joe locked in there.

We must’ve been quiet for about 10 minutes, me standing with my hands behind my back on the doorknob, wondering if Kevin and Liz would stop me from leaving the room, and him sitting silently on the bed, looking down at it before he broke the silence and said, “Well you wanted to talk, so let’s talk.” with a slightly irritated tone to his voice.

I jumped slightly from the silence being broken and took a small step away from the door, keeping my hands behind my back while I softly said, “Well…I umm….where do I start?”

“I don’t know!” Joe’s booming voice echoed throughout my room. “How about from the beginning?!” he questioned, raising his voice and throwing his hands up into their air to show how frustrated he was, making me retract my small step and having myself pin myself against the door.

“I'm Sorry.” he said after taking two short huffs. “I'm just….I’m irritated right now.” he said to me in a slightly strained voice, making me realize that he was trying to control his anger now and that made me take not one, but two small steps towards him.

I shrugged once I stopped moving, and played with my hands behind my back. “It’s ok, I guess. You have every reason to be mad at me.” I chanced another small step towards him, making me only a little less than being in the middle of my room. “But you need to know that the only reason why I didn't tell you until now Joe…” I trailed off and nearly cried out in happiness when he lifted his head to look at me when I said his name. “Was because I wasn’t sure if I was in love with you. And when I did know…” I continued, taking a regular step towards him and making my voice sound more soft than scared. “I wanted to tell you, but I wanted to tell you in person. Not over the phone.” I finished softly while shaking my head slightly and my eyes slightly widened.

I wanted him to know that I had every intention of telling him, but I thought he deserved to hear it in person, not over the phone.

But then a small smile escaped his perfect pink lips and that made me cock my head to the side before I yelled, “What are you smiling about? I’m being serious here!” but not even I could hide the small smile in my voice when yelling at him. I was just so glad that I was the one that put that beautiful smile, not a fake one that he was broadcasting all over tonight, but a real on, on his face.

“I know you are!” he said slightly louder, smile still evident on his face and now in his voice. “But you just looked like a mom who was trying to reassure their kid about something.” he said while quickly mimicking my wide eyes and small shaking of my head.

I let out a small puff of hair through my nose from seeing him do that and I couldn’t stop my smile from growing.

This was the Joe I knew. This was the Joe I loved. The one that could make you laugh in a serious situation and make the air in the room seem ten times lighter than it originally was before.

We let our chuckles and smiles slowly fade away after a few minutes for us to get serious again and back on topic, me taking a few more steps towards him and my bed in the process since he seemed to be in a better mood.

“Joe. I truly am sorry for not telling you and when I did, I yelled it at you. Like I said before, I didn't know if it was love or just a crush, which is why I didn't tell you. And when I realized that I did love you, I was going to tell you. Honestly, I was. But then Demi came into the picture-”

I brought my hand up to use it as a barrier for him to talk while taking a seat next to him on my bed and said, “Let me finish, then you can talk.” He nodded his head and shut his mouth, a small smile coming onto his face for some reason, but I let it go at the moment, wanting to get everything out in the open.

“And then Demi came in the picture…” I said again to bring back my train of thought. “And when you said that you liked her, and were thinking about asking her out, I lost it. I didn't know how to talk to you anymore because of the way I felt for you and I couldn't handle listening to you talk about another girl.” I said, looking down at my hands for the first time through our whole conversation. When I started talking again, I sighed out, “Which is why I wasn't going to tell you at all.” and then looked back up to his face that wasn’t necessarily completely blank, but he wasn’t mad or angry or irritated anymore. At least, he didn’t look it. He looked like he was actually listening and processing everything that I had to say and that made me want to finish this up quicker. “It would've made things more difficult with you and Demi and myself.” I added to my last sentence, before sending him a small smile to let him know that I was finished.
He sat there for a few seconds, staring into my eyes and reading them and after he deciphered that I wasn’t holding anything back from him, he sighed and laid down onto his back, covering his face up with hands and mumbling, “I hate it when Nick’s right!” into them.

I laughed slightly and then awkwardly leaned down onto my elbow, never having been so worried about laying on my bed until now, and asked, “What did he say that was right?”

I heard him sigh into his hands again before he rubbed his face and took them off of it all together and leaning onto his elbows and looked up at me.

“He basically told me I needed to listen to you first before being an ass. And of course, little Mr. President is always right. I hate that!” he said, mock anger in his last sentence and then looked up at me and sent me a small smile.

I sent him a small smile back and made a mental note to practically squeeze the crap out of Nick for talking to Kevin and Joe and fixing all of this for me.

“I‘m sorry.”

I shook my head slightly upon hearing the those two words and for a few seconds, I thought it was me who said it, but then the words were spoken again with my name attached to it and I realized that it was Joe saying it.

“Sorry? You? Why are you sorry?” I asked, and I was fully aware how stupid I might have looked or sounded because, well, I felt stupid for not understanding why he was apologizing to me.

“I walked out on you without even giving you a chance to explain anything to me. And then…” he cast his eyes downwards as if he was embarrassed about what he was going to say next. “And then I was hitting on all those girls right in front of you on purpose and I know that must have really hurt and I’m so sorry Steph. I was just so upset and angry because of how things could’ve been between us tonight if you would’ve told me this over the phone when you first realized your feelings for me.”

He then let his arms go out from underneath him and let his hands rest on his stomach while he clenched his eyes shut. That was a good thing too because I probably didn’t look too attractive at the moment with my eyes widened and my jaw dropped.

What did he mean how things could’ve been if I told him when I found out?!

“How a…” I trailed off, trying to find the right words to say at the moment, even though I could barely even think straight, let alone have words actual be running through my head. “How would things be different between us if you would’ve known?” I finally asked out after a couple minutes, and then I laid down next to him.

I saw him snap open his eyes and look at me for a second before turning his head back up towards the ceiling and staring at it with me. He let out a soft sigh before turning his head to look at me, making me turn my head to the right to look at him and I sent him a small encouraging smile.

A smile came onto his face before he said, so softly, “Well, we kinda had a thing going, but then not decided to push it with me being gone and stuff.” he stated and when I nodded my head, I looked at him slightly confused as to how this was answering my question. But I figured I’d let him talk and hopefully it would all come together somewhere down the road. “But when Kevin and Liz started dating and I saw how well they made it work and I started to think that maybe…” he trailed off and looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds before shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath and letting it out. He then turned his head back towards me and opened his eyes again before finishing. “I started to think that maybe we could make it work considering we kept a friendship for what…6 months or something?”

I nodded my head and continued to look into his eyes. He seemed to be somewhat lost, most likely mirroring my eyes because I was completely lost as to how this was ever going to tie into my question, but thought back to when I first met him online and remembered it was October because there was an hour conversation about what Halloween costume both of us were going to where.

“Yep. 6 months.” I stated and yelled at him mentally to just get on with answering my question.

He nodded his head once and then looked away from me towards the ceiling and said, “But then I met Demi, and her and I got along great. But she made me think about you more because she reminded me of you and I missed you so much, that you can’t even begin to understand when you stopped talking to me.” he finished and then took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Yes, my heart felt like it was stabbed when he said that he missed me like crazy and I made it worse by not talking to him, but my head kept screaming, Answer my damn question Joe!

Wondering if he completely forgot about my question in the first place, I simply asked, “And that would’ve changed things for us how exactly?”

I really hoped it didn’t sound bitchy or anything, but I could not catch up with this kid and his thinking process.

He let out another huge sigh before turning his head back towards me and smiled slightly before saying, “All I‘m saying is who would‘ve known where we would be if you would‘ve told me how you felt over the phone.”
I nodded my head, finally getting the answer, the fact that he didn’t really have one, he just said to just say maybe we would be together or something, but who knows. Which then that made me wonder….

“Hey Joe?” I asked him softly while turning my head away from him and looking up at the ceiling and he simply responded with, “Hmm?”

“How do you think we would‘ve been if I did tell you?”

I saw him look over at me, causing me to look over at him, and I watched as he studied me for a minute or two before closing his eyes and turning his head back towards the ceiling.

I watched him for a few minutes, seeing a small smile come onto his face before he said, “Well, for starters, Demi wouldn’t be here…and we would be here, on your bed, with a movie playing.” he stated, eyes still closed as if he could see it in his mind and he was telling me all about this movie that he was watching of us behind his eyelids.

“What movie?” I asked, not really having any idea what else to say.

He shrugged simply before a mischievous smile come onto his face and then said, “Who cares? We’re not watching it anyways.”

I let out a small huff of air through my nose, my nervous laughter kicking in from the way he said that.

“Then what are we doing if we’re not watching the movie?” I asked after taking a deep breath and trying to get my heartbeat back to normal while I looked away from him and up towards the ceiling. But he looked over at me and I forced myself not to look into those beautiful brown eyes of his that I knew would have a seductive look to them and make me fall harder for him than I already was.

“Well…” he said softly and moved up on my bed to be able to get an arm around my shoulders and pull me into his side, having my heart kick into overdrive now. “We‘d be in a position….not like this.” he said with clear sexual innuendo in his voice and that alone made my head feel like it was spinning.

I gulped, slightly louder than I thought it was going to be, and before I could even think about asking him what position we would be in, he quickly rolled himself on top of me, a leg on each side of my waist to straddle me and he smirked down at me as my lungs gave out on me for a couple seconds.

His eyes scanned my panic and flustered looking face for a few seconds before he leaned down and steered his face to my right side and whispered, “we’d be making out right about now.” and right when I squeezed my eyes shut and made myself breath, he rolled off of me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and then pulled me into his side and said, “But I’m actually kinda glad you didn’t tell me over the phone. I would have rather heard it from your lovely voice and seen your face like I did an hour ago, minus the yelling though.”

I shut my eyes and let my heart slowly get a hold of itself before actually processing what he just said.

We laid there for a few minutes, me thinking over everything that just happened, before he pulled me closer to him and nudged my head a couple times with his chin before finally getting his head comfortable, but I wasn’t comfortable anymore.

I raised my head and rested it on his chest while moving an arm to be next to my head and closed my eyes and inhaled his scent.

I’d forgotten how much I missed the way he smelled.

It gave me butterflies in my stomach, along with whenever I saw him, just like right now. I never really realized how much I took that feeling for granted when it came to Joe. Ever since I found out how I felt for him, his voice alone made me get goosebumps and made me feel giddy. But now, now that he was beside me, arm around my shoulders and being able to listen to his heartbeat, I never really realized how much I actually missed him being a part of my life. I missed the way the two of us could talk about random things and talk for hours on end. I missed the way we could have fun together, even though it was only about two times that I was privileged enough to actually physically be with him. I missed hearing my belly laugh, him being the only person who could ever get me to laugh like that. I missed the way he said my name right before we got off the phone. I missed so much the last couple of weeks with not talking to him and that thought alone, made me start to cry softly.

I was so upset. Upset at myself.

I was the one who took away all those good feelings and things I missed. Not Joe. Me. Joe wasn’t the one who stopped calling. It was me who didn’t answer. Joe wasn’t the one who didn’t want to talk. It was me who didn’t want to talk. Not because I didn’t want to, no. But because I didn’t know how to with him anymore. I took away all of that happiness that he gave me, all because of some girl that it was jealous of and in the end, I was the one who ended up hurting himself and I. Not him. Me.

“What’s wrong?” Joe’s worried voice reached my ears as more tears made themselves fall from my eyes. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong.” he said softly while sitting up and engulfing me in a hug. That was another thing that I missed. I missed the fact that he wasn’t the first one to tackle me to the ground and give me a hug. No. I just received my first hug from Joe after 4 hours of being around him.

I officially sucked.

I couldn’t say anything because if I were to answer his questions of what was wrong, I’d say, “Me. I’m wrong.” and that would just make me have to explain everything to him. And to be completely honest, I didn’t think I could. I was so emotionally drained from this talk with him and his brothers that I don’t think I could even think straight to even have it make sense to him.

“Please Steph.” he begged, sounding like he was on the brink of tears. “Tell me what's wrong.”

He pushed me arms length away so that he could see my face and when I saw his glossed over eyes, filled with unshed tears, I had to say something to make him worry less about me.

I sniffled a few times and rubbed at my nose and face before being able to choke out, “It’s nothing you did Joe. Trust me.”

He nodded his head and pulled me into his chest and rubbed my back, kissing the top of my head every few minutes until I finally calmed down.

I took it into my own hands of answering his unspoken question.

“I was upset because I was the one who made us different. I was the one who made us so distant with each other. And I’m so sorry Joe. I’m so sorry.” and that’s when my tears started to come again.

Thankfully, Joe was right there to say something comical and make me choke on my tears from my impromptu laughter. “It’s ok Steph. We’re all gravy!”

I choked a few more times on trying to get my crying to stop because of my laughing and managed to full out smile the more I heard his, “We’re all gravy!” statement in my head.

“That’s that smile I love.” he said softly while pulling me into him and giving me a kiss on top of my head.

“Thanks Joe.” I managed to say while he smiled down at me. “You are simply amazing. Did you know that?” I asked, wiping at my eyes that I’m pretty sure had no more mascara or eyeliner around them because of all my crying.

He let out a small laugh before he said, “I tell myself that everyday.” which only caused me to laugh slightly harder and then shove his arm playfully.

I shook my head and did a little swooping motion under my eyes to make sure I got rid of all my eyeliner and mascara from under my eye before getting up off the bed and getting read to go downstairs now that everything seemed to be ok with him and I was finally off of that emotional roller coaster.

“Whoa!” Joe yelled at me, getting my attention when I was standing in my doorway. “Where do you think you’re going little missy?” he asked me once I turned around and looked at him slightly confused.

“Umm…” I said, while scrunching my eyebrows together and then pointed out of my door. “Downstairs. I’m gonna try and have fun now that you and I worked everything out and you’re not pissed at me anymore.”

That’s when I realized that Kevin and Liz weren’t by my door and I wondered when they decided to leave their post. But Joe’s voice brought me out of my wonderment when he said, “Well, I may not be pissed at you, but you still have to make it up to me.”

“Make…what up…to you?” I asked slowly and somewhat choppy from being completely dumbfounded at the moment.

“Your trust.” he simply said while getting up from my bed and making his way towards me while I stared at him in complete confusion. “I still want be friends with you, but you have to earn your trust back. Basically, the tables have turned sweetheart.” he finished with a small smirk on his face before he patted my head lightly and squeezed his way past me to get out of my room.

I was completely lost.

“Tables have turned? What are you talking about?” I simply asked from my doorway, my confusion rooting me to the spot.

“I‘m saying….” he said sounding mock irritated by my stupidity as he turned around in the hallway and stopped where he was to explain himself to me. “That I had to earn your trust back for the last 3 months, now it‘s your turn.”

And with one more smirk on his end and a wink, he turned around and slowly started his descend down the stairs.

“How long do I have to see you so I can start?” I quickly asked while taking a rushed step towards him.

“Tonight and Tomorrow. So I suggest you start sucking up to me.” he said without even turning his head before he was out of my sight.

I couldn’t help the smirk that made it’s way onto my face from hearing him say that, just because I could hear the smirk in his voice.

Now this….is going to be fun.

I flicked my bedroom light off and quickly shut my door, before running down to be next to Joe and starting my ass kissing.