What It Feels Like To Be a Ghost

He’s ashamed of me. No real surprise there, I guess I always saw that coming. Still, a part of me had hoped that what I saw wasn’t true. He was nice to me when no one else had been for a while. He was great. That is he was, until he learned that he shouldn’t even be talking to me. That he had a chance to fit in with the populars. That’s when it all went wrong. When Brandon talked to him, that’s when all of it was lost.

I guess that old saying is always true. If it seems too good to be true…it probably is. That’s just my sort of damn luck isn’t it? The saddest part is that I love him. I know that if I tried I could have avoided it. He was just a friend but I started seeing him as more than that. Something about him was just irresistible. Maybe that’s how all bad things like these happen. Just like out of some twisted fairytale.

I’m getting a bit ahead of myself, but I swear that’s how I feel. His name? Something I wish I never heard, but it has such a sweet melody and rhythm to it. Justen. On the first day of school he introduced himself to me and there was this charm to him. Like no matter who you were, he’d be there. He’d always be there. And for a while he was. There wasn’t a moment when he wasn’t.

It was strange how it all ended. It was so sudden. One day he was here with me, and the next he just wasn’t. At first I didn’t mind—I mean I knew it was going to happen, but I had been in denial. As time passed I realized what a big gap he had left in my life. In my heart. I needed him more than I ever knew. I never knew exactly what I had until it got up and left me stunned. I got so used to all the little things that he used to do for me that when he finally left I never noticed how much of my stability depended on him. A whole lot it turns out.

I still see him walking around and laughing to this day. No longer does he wave to me. No hi or any small sort of acknowledgement that he was ever my friend. He walks around without caring, as all the people I have met do to me now. Those four months with him were the best of my life, and now this month that follows? This one is the worst. I had a glimpse at what life was like before I was stupid enough to go and lose it.. Oh, how good that life was! And now? Now both that and he are gone.

That friendship I had with him, it was like a candle. One moment it’s lit, and all of a sudden a breeze comes and just blows it out. Nothing of the flame remains. That breeze…that breeze comes by the name of Brandon. That name meant the end of my happiness when once it had been otherwise. I know that not all good things last forever. I truly understand that.

But this one could have lasted long.