What It Feels Like To Be a Ghost
Admitting Defeat is Never Easy
I suppose I owe this to Justen. I’ll leave him alone. He saved me, and so now I’ll pay him back by letting him be.
I don’t know why it took me so long to realize what I have to do. He wasn’t going to stick around forever. No one ever does. I should let him break free before anything bad happens to him. While my time with him didn’t last, it’s what I experienced in that time that counts. It’s about quality not quantity. Hopefully the more I tell myself that the more I'll believe it.
My favorite class by far is English. It’s the one and only place where I feel that I can ever belong. It’s the one class that I’m good at. In this class my thoughts always count. Or rather, they would count, if I ever bothered to voice my opinion. I don’t believe that I can make any good comments about the stuff I read.
Mrs. Perez does. She’s the only one now who gives a damn about what I feel and think. Today we had a discussion about animal rights in English. Everyone spoke. That is everyone except me. It was divided in half. The con side was pretty much beating us. I would have made some pretty good points, being a vegetarian and all, but I don’t know what stopped me. It was most likely my lack of confidence. I mean when you only see the negative in yourself and others reinforce that, it’s pretty much impossible to see anything else.
He sold me out. Now that I think about it, maybe he wasn’t very different from everyone else. If he lacked the guts to keep me company, then perhaps he wasn’t who I thought he was. Maybe this is the real Justen.
Oh, but it can’t be. People change, and I don't and that there is where the problem lies. That's where my problem always has been. I mean the things he told me and the way in which he did so…it can’t have been fake. It’s not his fault. He’s got a chance of being accepted and having great high school experiences.
Who am I to stand in the way?
I don’t know why it took me so long to realize what I have to do. He wasn’t going to stick around forever. No one ever does. I should let him break free before anything bad happens to him. While my time with him didn’t last, it’s what I experienced in that time that counts. It’s about quality not quantity. Hopefully the more I tell myself that the more I'll believe it.
My favorite class by far is English. It’s the one and only place where I feel that I can ever belong. It’s the one class that I’m good at. In this class my thoughts always count. Or rather, they would count, if I ever bothered to voice my opinion. I don’t believe that I can make any good comments about the stuff I read.
Mrs. Perez does. She’s the only one now who gives a damn about what I feel and think. Today we had a discussion about animal rights in English. Everyone spoke. That is everyone except me. It was divided in half. The con side was pretty much beating us. I would have made some pretty good points, being a vegetarian and all, but I don’t know what stopped me. It was most likely my lack of confidence. I mean when you only see the negative in yourself and others reinforce that, it’s pretty much impossible to see anything else.
He sold me out. Now that I think about it, maybe he wasn’t very different from everyone else. If he lacked the guts to keep me company, then perhaps he wasn’t who I thought he was. Maybe this is the real Justen.
Oh, but it can’t be. People change, and I don't and that there is where the problem lies. That's where my problem always has been. I mean the things he told me and the way in which he did so…it can’t have been fake. It’s not his fault. He’s got a chance of being accepted and having great high school experiences.
Who am I to stand in the way?
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:D