What It Feels Like To Be a Ghost
Cassidy
I blame myself for what happened to Cassidy. I don’t care what anyone else tries to tell me, in my eyes, I killed my best friend. If I hadn’t done what I did then maybe she’d still be here.
She was murdered at her house.
While that seems completely unrelated to me, it isn’t. She was murdered at her house by some guy who was trying to rob them. Her parents had to go to some fancy cocktail party, but she thought that it would be dull and besides it was a school night. So she stayed. We had gotten into a fight that very same day. It was over something so stupid and unimportant. She called me that night to tell me that she’s sorry and ask me if I could come over. I acted coldly to her and told her that I couldn’t come over because I had some family business to take care of.
She said all right, sounding hurt. At that moment I didn’t care. I was still annoyed that she had said all those things to me during school. If I hadn’t been so proud she might still be here. But I was. She was my best friend and I was the cause of her death. I mean if I had been there we could have called 911 sooner than she actually did. And she’d be alive.
Going back to school was horrible. It seemed as if everyone had heard what happened. No one knew what to do or say to me. Some tried cheering me up, some tried to talk me into thinking logically, and others found that it was best to just stand there pitying me. I didn’t care. I drove everyone away. I lost all the friends that I had and I didn’t give a damn about myself. In my opinion they were better off without me. I didn’t want to be the cause of their death just like Cassidy’s. So they left. For a moment I considered suicide, but I knew that it wouldn’t really help anyone. It would just put a big financial burden on my parents, and I didn’t want to do that to them. I owed them so much already. They sent me to therapy, but it didn’t help and in the end we just gave up on that.
Now years later, and everyone either ignores me or hates me. Or they do both. (Of course, most of the population doesn’t remember everything clearly and they just go with the flow, but these people are idiots.) They think that I chose to be like this. To them I wanted and did push everyone away when they were just trying to make me feel better. I’m the villain and they’re the victims. What choice did I have? I’m responsible for the death of Cassidy. I knew her since we were in diapers. We shared everything. She helped me through my hard times and I helped her with hers. My best friend…and now she’s gone. Just like that, she’s no longer here.
I didn’t leave my room for an entire week. And it’s not like I was in bed watching TV. No, I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
So now here I am. Completely lost, and so far no one has come to look for me.
I miss you Cassie. I’m so sorry.
She was murdered at her house.
While that seems completely unrelated to me, it isn’t. She was murdered at her house by some guy who was trying to rob them. Her parents had to go to some fancy cocktail party, but she thought that it would be dull and besides it was a school night. So she stayed. We had gotten into a fight that very same day. It was over something so stupid and unimportant. She called me that night to tell me that she’s sorry and ask me if I could come over. I acted coldly to her and told her that I couldn’t come over because I had some family business to take care of.
She said all right, sounding hurt. At that moment I didn’t care. I was still annoyed that she had said all those things to me during school. If I hadn’t been so proud she might still be here. But I was. She was my best friend and I was the cause of her death. I mean if I had been there we could have called 911 sooner than she actually did. And she’d be alive.
Going back to school was horrible. It seemed as if everyone had heard what happened. No one knew what to do or say to me. Some tried cheering me up, some tried to talk me into thinking logically, and others found that it was best to just stand there pitying me. I didn’t care. I drove everyone away. I lost all the friends that I had and I didn’t give a damn about myself. In my opinion they were better off without me. I didn’t want to be the cause of their death just like Cassidy’s. So they left. For a moment I considered suicide, but I knew that it wouldn’t really help anyone. It would just put a big financial burden on my parents, and I didn’t want to do that to them. I owed them so much already. They sent me to therapy, but it didn’t help and in the end we just gave up on that.
Now years later, and everyone either ignores me or hates me. Or they do both. (Of course, most of the population doesn’t remember everything clearly and they just go with the flow, but these people are idiots.) They think that I chose to be like this. To them I wanted and did push everyone away when they were just trying to make me feel better. I’m the villain and they’re the victims. What choice did I have? I’m responsible for the death of Cassidy. I knew her since we were in diapers. We shared everything. She helped me through my hard times and I helped her with hers. My best friend…and now she’s gone. Just like that, she’s no longer here.
I didn’t leave my room for an entire week. And it’s not like I was in bed watching TV. No, I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
So now here I am. Completely lost, and so far no one has come to look for me.
I miss you Cassie. I’m so sorry.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sounds completely stupid still right?I'm sorry about that.