Boy
Neuf.
"Mom?" Ryan's mother was sitting at the round table in their small kitchen reading the newspaper. Every now and then, she'd make a noise of disapproval like 'Mmph' and shake her head. Ryan sat across from her playing with the hem of her shirt.
"Yes…" she answered, not looking up from her paper.
"What was your first time like?" Her mother peeked over the paper at her, raising an eyebrow.
"Why?" Ryan could tell what her mother was thinking by her look.
"No, I mean…I'm not doing anything…I just wanted to know, so I know what to…expect?"
She stared at Ryan for several moments before speaking.
"Well I guess it's different for everybody. But my first time was when I was fifteen--" she paused abruptly and looked at her daughter sternly. "--which is too damn young for anybody to be on they back. Hear?" Ryan nodded quickly.
"Anyway, it was by the paperboy," she said. Ryan leaned forward and rested her head on her palm with interest.
"Yeah?"
"Mmhm. He would skip over my house when he passed out the papers, and when he got through, he came back and delivered it personally. My mama was never there, Lord knows where she was. She never told me."
"Grandma was a singer at night, right?" Ryan asked.
"Sure was. Anyway, I was always there to open the door and take the paper, see? We liked each other a whole lot, obviously, but all I ever said was 'Thank you.' and all he ever did was nod," she explained.
Ryan smiled and waited for her to continue. Finally, her mother set the newspaper down completely.
"One time, he was givin' me the paper and some hoodlums stole his bike. But I guess that's what's gon' be happenin' when you leave your bike out on the sidewalk in the middle of Brooklyn. Anyway, I felt brave that day and asked if he wanted to come in and call his mama or his daddy or whoever he lived with. He smiled, and gawd, did he have some beautiful, perfect teeth. He came in, and he couldn't get a hold of his parents. So we sat there on my couch, in broad day light, not saying anything." She looked off and smiled slightly, remembering just about every detail of that day back in the 1970's.
"And then?" Ryan asked, wanting to get to the interesting part.
"Then, I looked at him only to find out that he had been looking at me the whole time. I was gonna ask him if he wanted to try the phone again, but I didn't, because I got caught up in his eyes. Then, just out of plain Jesus nowhere, he kissed me. I guess he felt brave that day too. We kept kissing, until kissing wasn't enough, you see?" she stared at Ryan. "No, you don't see. Anyway, I lost it on the couch in my mother's living room."
"Wow, mama," Ryan said, smiling. She was tough on the outside, but being a girl, sometimes she loved to hear about romance. "Where do you think I'll lose mine?"
Her mother looked at her.
"I don't know, but it better not be on my damn couch, hear? And we aint worryin' about that til you thirty anyway."
"If something ever happened that caused me to run away, would you go with me?" Brandon asked a week later, laying next to Ryan in his twin bed. They'd just been laying there for hours, asking random questions. Ryan thought this question was also random, but it was far from, and she would find out.
"I dunno…" she said, looking off in thought. "I'd have to leave my mom?" he nodded.
"I'd miss her…but I love you…" she scratched her chin. "I guess I would go, as long as I can come back someday and see her. Cause I guess I'd leave home sooner or later anyway."
"If I did something real bad, would you still love me?"
"How bad?" she asked.
"It doesn't matter how bad," he said in an aggravated tone, sitting up. She sat up too and scooted against the headboard. "It shouldn'tmatter how bad. If I did something, and people were after me, and I was hated, is your love strong enough to outdo anything that could possibly push you away?"
His seriousness frightened her, and so did the heaviness of the question. But she knew her answer.
"Yes. I would. No matter what," she said. He stared at her intently, then looked down. He then took her hand in his.
"No matter what?"
"No matter what."
If Ryan's mother were to find out that she lost her virginity a week after she was once again told her views on sex, she'd be dead. Then, she would bring her back to life so she could kill her again. She felt that way because of where she worked, and she was overly-afraid that Ryan would turn out like those girls.
But after she promised Brandon she would never leave him, they made the decision to make love. It wasn't really a decision, though. It just happened in the moment.
Most see this as life changing, and it certainly was for Ryan. But the weeks to come would be more life changing, and they may make her rethink everything.
"Yes…" she answered, not looking up from her paper.
"What was your first time like?" Her mother peeked over the paper at her, raising an eyebrow.
"Why?" Ryan could tell what her mother was thinking by her look.
"No, I mean…I'm not doing anything…I just wanted to know, so I know what to…expect?"
She stared at Ryan for several moments before speaking.
"Well I guess it's different for everybody. But my first time was when I was fifteen--" she paused abruptly and looked at her daughter sternly. "--which is too damn young for anybody to be on they back. Hear?" Ryan nodded quickly.
"Anyway, it was by the paperboy," she said. Ryan leaned forward and rested her head on her palm with interest.
"Yeah?"
"Mmhm. He would skip over my house when he passed out the papers, and when he got through, he came back and delivered it personally. My mama was never there, Lord knows where she was. She never told me."
"Grandma was a singer at night, right?" Ryan asked.
"Sure was. Anyway, I was always there to open the door and take the paper, see? We liked each other a whole lot, obviously, but all I ever said was 'Thank you.' and all he ever did was nod," she explained.
Ryan smiled and waited for her to continue. Finally, her mother set the newspaper down completely.
"One time, he was givin' me the paper and some hoodlums stole his bike. But I guess that's what's gon' be happenin' when you leave your bike out on the sidewalk in the middle of Brooklyn. Anyway, I felt brave that day and asked if he wanted to come in and call his mama or his daddy or whoever he lived with. He smiled, and gawd, did he have some beautiful, perfect teeth. He came in, and he couldn't get a hold of his parents. So we sat there on my couch, in broad day light, not saying anything." She looked off and smiled slightly, remembering just about every detail of that day back in the 1970's.
"And then?" Ryan asked, wanting to get to the interesting part.
"Then, I looked at him only to find out that he had been looking at me the whole time. I was gonna ask him if he wanted to try the phone again, but I didn't, because I got caught up in his eyes. Then, just out of plain Jesus nowhere, he kissed me. I guess he felt brave that day too. We kept kissing, until kissing wasn't enough, you see?" she stared at Ryan. "No, you don't see. Anyway, I lost it on the couch in my mother's living room."
"Wow, mama," Ryan said, smiling. She was tough on the outside, but being a girl, sometimes she loved to hear about romance. "Where do you think I'll lose mine?"
Her mother looked at her.
"I don't know, but it better not be on my damn couch, hear? And we aint worryin' about that til you thirty anyway."
"If something ever happened that caused me to run away, would you go with me?" Brandon asked a week later, laying next to Ryan in his twin bed. They'd just been laying there for hours, asking random questions. Ryan thought this question was also random, but it was far from, and she would find out.
"I dunno…" she said, looking off in thought. "I'd have to leave my mom?" he nodded.
"I'd miss her…but I love you…" she scratched her chin. "I guess I would go, as long as I can come back someday and see her. Cause I guess I'd leave home sooner or later anyway."
"If I did something real bad, would you still love me?"
"How bad?" she asked.
"It doesn't matter how bad," he said in an aggravated tone, sitting up. She sat up too and scooted against the headboard. "It shouldn'tmatter how bad. If I did something, and people were after me, and I was hated, is your love strong enough to outdo anything that could possibly push you away?"
His seriousness frightened her, and so did the heaviness of the question. But she knew her answer.
"Yes. I would. No matter what," she said. He stared at her intently, then looked down. He then took her hand in his.
"No matter what?"
"No matter what."
If Ryan's mother were to find out that she lost her virginity a week after she was once again told her views on sex, she'd be dead. Then, she would bring her back to life so she could kill her again. She felt that way because of where she worked, and she was overly-afraid that Ryan would turn out like those girls.
But after she promised Brandon she would never leave him, they made the decision to make love. It wasn't really a decision, though. It just happened in the moment.
Most see this as life changing, and it certainly was for Ryan. But the weeks to come would be more life changing, and they may make her rethink everything.