Swallowed in Grief, Healed by Time

After my lovely movie with my uncles Frank decided to take me and Braden out. Out, as in going to a small cafe that was in the venue. He didn't really want to leave as the fans were already starting to line up outside the gate. The concert wasn't even for another four hours. Sometimes I just don't understand fans. But then again, I have never been to a concert. This will be my first one and I'm very excited. I asked Gerard if I could go into the mosh pit but he told me to ask my father. I haven't worked up the guts to ask Brian yet, but hopefully I'll be able to. Although Gerard kept telling me that he would say no because I'm still sick. I can still fight though I don't have as much energy as I normally do but still. I can hold my own in the pit no matter what.

Anyways, Angelica is leaving today and Zander is joining us. After hours of begging on Derek's part he finally convinced Zacky to let him come. Of course, Zacky kept asking me how I felt about it. Honestly I don't have a problem with it but they seem to think that I do. Either that or they think that I need a girl on the tour. Don't get me wrong, a girl would be nice to have but I know Derek really wants Zander to come out and I'm ok with it. Considering I know nothing about Zander I really have no reason for him not to come. If anything, he can come out just because he has a sweet name.

"So Elise, how are you doing?" Frank questioned as he brought our food over.

"Good, how are you doing?" I asked not really wanting to talk about my situation any.

"Well, I'm doing sucky," Frank replied.

"Why? What's wrong? Is it Jamia?" I questioned.

"No, see this girl that I consider family keeps lying to me," Frank said looking pointy at me. "Have you thought about telling your dad what happened?"

"No," I whispered. "I don't want to tell him."

"Why not?" Frank questioned as Braden sat silently beside him.

"I don't want their pity," I hissed.

"They won't pity you," Frank protested.

"How do you know? All you guys pity me and what happened. What I saw. How the hell can you say they won't pity me?" I growled.

"Elise, if we pitied you we would be staying miles away and walking egg shells around you," Frank replied. "Instead we are pushing you to get through this because we all know that you don't want Aaron to win."

"He's not going to win," I protested.

"I think you need to at least tell dad," Braden whispered.

"And just how am I supposed to tell him something like that?" I questioned as tears came to my eyes. "'Hey Brian, I know we don't know each other very well but I just wanted to let you know that I'm emotionally unstable because Aaron raped me then killed my mother in front of my eyes?' He'll put me in a nut house."

"Or he'll be the guy that I know he is and stand behind you in this. Elise just give him a chance," Frank whispered. "He wants to help but he has no idea what's wrong so he doesn't know how to help."

"He's got enough going on with Angelica to worry about me," I whispered.

"Eli you are his daughter, his flesh and blood. You are the one of the only things he has left of Angel anymore," Frank said. "He wants to know you, he wants to be your father."

"What if I don't want another father?" I hissed. "I'm perfectly fine on my own."

"Brianna Elise come down off your high horse," Braden growled at me. "Brian isn't Aaron, he's not anywhere close. If you haven't seen that yet then maybe you don't deserve him."

"Aaron raped me, that's not something I can just get over," I hissed.

"It doesn't feel like you are even trying," Braden growled. "Every time someone tries to help you just shoot them down and continue to wallow in your self pity. You don't want pity from anyone else but you sure give yourself enough of it."

"I do not pity myself," I hissed back at him not being able to believe that he was saying this to me.

"Either you tell him or I will," Braden growled. "Which would you prefer?"

"You can't do that," I screamed.

"I can and just did," Braden said looking at me softly. "He needs to know Eli, for both of your sakes."

"Elise, he needs to know honey," Frank whispered.

"That's what you said about him being our father," I whispered.

"And I was right, wasn't I?" Frank questioned. "He needed to know so that he could step up and be that father that you two desperately needed. Now you need to let him be that father."

"I don't want a father," I growled.

"Hey guys."

I looked over and too my horror Brian was walking over. Apparently he had just gotten back from dropping Angelica off at the airport and pick up Zander. Though I didn't see anyone new with him so Zander must have already met up with Derek.

"Hey, good timing," Braden said.

"What?" Brian asked looking confused.

"Elise here has something she needs to tell you," Branden said looking over at me. "She doesn't want to though but she really needs to. So I've given her the choice, either she tells you or I do. Now she has the chance to tell you and if she doesn't tell you come find me and I will fill you in."

"Ok," Brian said quietly. "Derek was looking for you, he wants you to meet Zander."

"Alright, I will go find him. Frank come with me," Braden said getting up and leaving me alone with Brian.

"So," Brian said sitting down. "What don't you want to talk about?"

"Nothing," I said furious at the position my brother had just put me in.

"You know, this will go a lot quicker if you just tell me," Brian whispered.

"I can't talk about it," I whispered.

"By any chance, does this have something to do with Aaron?" Brian whispered looking over at me.

"Maybe," I whispered not giving him a straight answer.

"Maybe," Brian whispered while I could tell he was thinking about something. "Well, I would gather that Aaron wasn't a nice guy. I never personally met him but I knew your mother was scared to death of him. Now, you're mother wasn't someone who backed away from a challenge so I knew that if she was scared there was a reason. Aaron could have done a great many things that you wouldn't want to tell me but Elise I can only assume the worst if you don't me. Mind you assuming the worst means you are going to the doctor and getting checked for everything."

"You can't do that," I protested.

"Can and will little one," Brian said.

"I don't need a doctor," I told him.

"Then tell me what you do need," Brian whispered.

"I just need to be left alone," I told him.

"Well, your brother thinks differently and at this point I would have to say that I agree. Sweetheart," Brian whispered grabbing my hand in his gently. "Whatever it is I'm sure we can get through it. In face I know that we can get through it. Time can heal just about anything, though the memories are still there."

"Is that how it was for you and mom?" I asked.

"Yeah, slowly but surely I let her go but still remember her everyday. Even more so now that I see the wonderful kids she raised," Brian whispered with a small smile.

"I'm not all that great," I whispered. "I let her down."

"How?" Brian whispered.

"I couldn't save her," I said as tears started to fill my eyes. "I knew what he was going to do but I couldn't get up and go save her."

"Sweetheart, Aaron killed her, not you," Brian whispered pulling me gently into his arms. "Aaron would've killed you as well if you tried to stop him. You're mother wouldn't have wanted that."

"I would rather have died with her than have to live with what he did to me," I whispered. "There are so many questions that flood my mind on a daily basis and I am too afraid to find the answer to them."

"What questions?" Brian asked which surprised me because I expected him to answer what Aaron did.

"Am I going to get sick? How can I live with something like this? Do people look at me differently because of what he did and the ones that scares me the most," I whispered looking up at my father.

"Which is?" he prompted gently brushing away my tears.

"Am I pregnant?"