Swallowed in Grief, Healed by Time

Dad came running off the stage and pulled me into his arms. My tears were soaking his shirt as he questioned Derek and Zander about what happened. Of course, neither of the guys knew what was going on as they hadn't been paying attention to our conversation. Dad was trying to calm me down as the others came over and questioned what was going on. I didn't want to see anyone at this point so I just pushed myself into my fathers chest.

"Shh baby, calm down," dad whispered brushing my hair gently.

"He just walked away," I cried. "He left me, called me a whore."

"Oh sweetheart," dad said pulling me closer. "You are by no means a whore."

"He's right," I whispered. "I should've fought harder. I should've been able to push Aaron off me."

"Oh baby girl, no don't do this to yourself," dad whispered. "Aaron is the cause of this. Aaron is to blame, not you."

"No," I screamed. "I should've fought harder."

"What's going on?" Zacky asked.

"Elise, calm down," dad said.

"No," I screamed once again and fought to get out of his grip.

"Elise stop it, you're going to hurt yourself," dad protested.

"Let me go," I screamed.

I managed to fight my way out of my fathers grasp. Quickly I picked myself up and ran out of the stage area. The venue was starting to fill with kids coming to see the show so I was able to blend in rather easily. Dad wouldn't dare come out here now, not with this many people milling around. None of the guys would, however that didn't mean they wouldn't send crew members out.

I quickly secured myself a safe haven away from everyone. The guys would still be at the stage and no doubt Braden was back by the buses. He wasn't going to come looking for me. After all, I'm just a no good whore. God, I wish Aaron had killed me along with my mother, or killed me in her place. Instead he tortures me by letting me live through this, through having his child. Gently my hands rested on my stomach as tears fell from my eyes. Something inside me moved and a sob left me. I was having the child of my mother's killer.

"Elise?"

I jumped and looked over to see Ray standing there quietly. Furiously I pushed the tears away from my eyes and nodded my head. Ray sat down beside me for a few moments before placing his arm around my shoulders. A sigh left him as we sat in silence.

"Braden is pretty hot right now," Ray said quietly. "He's back on the MCR bus raving and ranting."

"Oh god," I whispered knowing that when Braden gets in moods like this anything comes out of him.

"Elise sweetheart," Ray whispered.

"God," I screamed. "This isn't going to get any better so don't feed me that shit."

"Elise no on is going to abandon you," Ray said.

"Ray my own fucking twin just walked away from me. My own twin. My brother. The one person I thought I could count on for anything just fucking walked away from me when I needed him most. When I needed him to be strong because I couldn't. When I needed him to be that protective big brother he was the guy who called me a whore and threw me to the wolves," I cried.

"Elise, I can't explain what he's doing right now," Ray said. "I don't think he even knows what he's doing."

"I needed him Ray," I whispered.

"I sweetheart, I know you do," Ray said. "Gerard is there yelling at him now so I'm sure in a few moments you'll have your brother back."

"Nothing can erase those words," I told Ray. "Nothing can erase what's he's said to me."

"He's going to have a lot of making up to do, but he's still your brother Elise," Ray said.

"Not after that," I whispered.

"Elise, he just needs to cool off," Ray said.

"No, no the Braden I know would never do something like that. He protected me, he was there for me through everything and now he chooses to walk away," I said.

"He's under a lot of pressure," Ray said.

"I don't want his excuses, of your excuses for him," I told Ray. "Please, just leave me alone for a while. You have a show to do, don't you?"

"The show isn't for another hour. Your father called me worried out of his mind about where you went. He sent out any guy who wasn't working on the set. I had a feeling you would end up away from everyone so I went along the outside until I found you," Ray said. "Elise you have a father who cares about you more than you know. You have uncles who are going to be right beside you through this whole thing. Your brother will come around in time and see what he did was out of line."

"Ray," I whispered.

"Come on, your father needs you right now," Ray said gently pulling me up as he stood.

"For what?" I questioned.

"Well, for one he needs to know that his daughter is safe and two he refuses to do the show unless you are there. So unless you wait an A7X fan riot I suggest you get back to your father," Ray said.

"Would hate to keep the fans waiting," I let out a small laugh.

"That's my girl," Ray said. "Come on."

Ray led me back to the stage where my father immediately pulled me into a tight hug. Matt quickly joined before they both lectured me until they had to go on stage. Of course, the whole time they were on stage they were watching me like a hawk. Once they were finished with the show I was quickly ushered to their dressing room. All of the guys were watching me closely, though I was unsure as to who knew what was happening. Everything was happening to fast for me to really comprehend. Soon we were back on the buses and heading away from that venue, moving on to the next one. Derek and Zander were in the back keeping a close eye on me, no doubt under orders from their father. Braden was still with MCR, no doubt wanting nothing to do with me what so ever. So now, I'm trying to force myself to sleep so I can forget about everything. My eyes are heavy though my body wants to fight it. Derek went to get my dad when he saw that I wasn't able to sleep. After a few moments dad came back and picked me up taking me out of the bunk room. I was laid in his bunk and he crawled in next to me. Gently he pulled the blankets around me and shut my eyes. He sang almost a whole album before my body finally relaxed and fell asleep. I drifted off into a land of happy memories as my father whispered the lyrics to Warmness on the Soul in my ears. Maybe, just maybe, everything will turn out in the end.