Swallowed in Grief, Healed by Time

Those dreaded words that no one ever wants to hear had just exited my father’s mouth. His hands tightened on mine as he made himself comfortable on the bunk, letting me know this was not going to be a short conversation. I felt like a little kid who was in tons of trouble but had no idea what I had done. Maybe this has something to do with how much money I spent today.

“Elise, I love you,” dad whispered as he looked at me.

“I love you too dad,” I stated a bit confused.

“I don’t ever want you to leave,” dad said.

“I don’t want to leave you either. You and Braden are all I have now and I need you guys,” I told him.

“Elise, you have us, but you also have so many other people as well. Gerard and all the guys from MCR are behind you in this as well as all of the guys here. The girls will fall in love with you in a second and you will be spoiled rotten by the time I get home,” dad said with a slight laugh.

“What is this about?” I questioned wanting him to stop skirting around the talk he came here to give.

“Elise, you’re pregnant, over five months now,” dad stated.

“Yeah,” I confirmed not really sure where he was taking this.

“Tour really isn’t the place for a pregnant girl,” dad sighed getting straight to the point.

“Oh,” I whispered.

“It’s just, you need a regular doctor and medicine and sleep and you won’t get that here,” dad said.

“So, where am I going to go? You guys are all I have,” I said and to my dismay tears started to fill my eyes.

“Val wants to take you back home in a week. You will stay at my house and the girls will all help you with anything you need,” dad said.

“I see,” I sighed.

“Elise, baby I’m not sending you away for good,” dad whispered as he pulled me into his arms. “Zander won’t let you go alone so he’ll be with you the entire time. The rest of us will be home in two months from the time you leave. So we will all be there for the last month at least.”

“Yeah,” I whispered in his ear as I tried desperately to stop the tears.

“Calm down baby girl,” dad whispered as he gently ran his fingers through my hair. “You still have a week here and I will program your phone so that everyone’s numbers are in there and you will be able to get a hold of us at any time, day or night. The girls will be with you and will take good care of you.”

“Dad,” I whispered.

“Yeah baby?” he questioned

“What do I do about Angelica? She doesn’t exactly like me at all,” I stated.

“Michelle is aware of everything there. She’ll keep her daughter in line,” dad assured me. “I can only tell you to avoid her if she tries to rile you up, which I’m sure she will. She’s a bit spoiled, but that’s my fault.”

“I didn’t mean to come between you and Angelica. I know she’s like a daughter to you,” I stated.

“She is, but she also needs to grow up and now is a great time,” dad said.

“But she’s your daughter,” I said. “You should still give her attention.”

“And I do,” dad said. “I have talked to her on a regular basis since she left. She knows I love her but she has to accept that she’s not the only one anymore. I can’t spend all of my time with her like I used to be able to do.”

“But you are still spending time with her, right?” I questioned.

“If you’re worried about her having more reason to hate you, that’s the least of your worries,” dad said with a small smile on his face.

“I know, but I just don’t want her to make things hard for you,” I told him. “I do that enough. You need to have one daughter who doesn’t.”

“Hey,” dad said sternly as I looked down at the sheets. “Look at me.”

After the statement I just made I was unsure as to what his reaction towards me would be. Clearly I was giving him issues right now and Angelica needed a father as well. So I need to push dad towards her too so that he can be her father too. He was before we came into the picture and should continue to be no matter what.

“Brianna, look at me,” dad whispered as he pulled my face up to look at him. “You do not make things hard for me. If anything you give me a reason to get up in the morning. You give me a reason to smile when I see yours. You are my daughter Brianna and I love you.”

I stared at my father for a few moments before I broke down in his arms. These hormones are really getting to me now, but outside of that it had been so long since someone had looked at me with such care and told me that they loved me. Dad held me tightly as I clutched to him as though I would die without him, which was a possibility.

“Elise?”

I looked up to see my brother standing in the doorway with a concerned expression on his face. He quickly came over and sat beside me while looking towards our dad with a questions on his face. Dad smiled softly at Braden before he told him everything. Braden was silent for a few minutes before he said that if I was going back then he was coming with me. Dad, of course, understood and is allowing him to come back with me. I smiled widely and hugged my dad and brother tightly.

“Oh,” I said as I pulled away from the boys sharply and sat back on the bed.

“What’s wrong?” both dad and Braden questioned as they looked at me with slightly frightened faces.

“I think someone wants to say hi,” I smiled softly as I grabbed my dad’s hand and placed it gently on my stomach.

For a few moments no one moved. Dad kept looking from me to his hand before he suddenly jumped. A smile spread across his face as he grabbed Braden’s hand and placed it where his was. Dad leaned down and kissed my forehead just as the baby kicked again and Braden smiled at me.

“I think the little one agrees,” Braden stated softly.

“I do too,” I smiled at my brother somehow knowing that despite all that was going to happen around this child everything was going to work out. Nothing was going to take me from my child and nothing anyone says is going to take away my happiness with this child.