A Day in Bridgend

‘Lilly.’ I groaned, not wanting to wake. ‘Lilly,’ he murmured again. I groaned in return, slowly returning to consciousness. ‘Lilly,’ said Matt softly. ‘The boys are here.’

‘What for?’ I mumbled, opening my eyes and looking into his. I looked down and saw that he was already dressed.

‘We’re taking you home so you can pick up anything essential.’

My sleepy, fluttering eyes snapped open at his words, suddenly fully awake. ‘Are you serious?!’ I asked excitedly.

‘Yes, but you can’t speak to your family,’ he said sadly. ‘You cant even let them see you. Just go in there, grab what you need and leave. One of us will be with you.’

I nodded, my brief happiness disappearing. ‘Can’t I as least tell them I’m okay?’

‘No. You can leave a note but that’s it. I’m sorry.’

‘I understand.’

‘Get dressed,’ he said, smiling reassuringly. ‘We’ll be waiting in the living room.’

I forced a smile and he got off the bed and left the room. I lay there for a minute, sadly thinking about what I had to do. Then I got up, emptied my school bag (discovering the bar of chocolate I had bought) and got changed into a Metallica tee shirt that still smelt of Matt and my black trousers. I also grabbed another red rose from the bouquet and slipped it into my hair.

I wrote the note on the way back to my hometown. My handwriting wasn’t great since I was writing it in a moving car between Padge and Jay but I knew my family wouldn’t mind. It may worry them a little but they wouldn’t mind.

To My Amazing Family,
Please don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I’m with friends whom I trust and am alive and well. Please don’t think I’ve run away because of you. I love you all more than you can ever imagine but I have to go away. Please call off the police; I don’t want to go everywhere worrying I might be recognised. And no one has kidnapped me and forced me to write this, I just want to be free and assure you that I’m all right. None of my friends know anything of where I am or where I’m going so don’t question them further. The people I’m with have nothing to do with any of them.
I’m going to miss you so much and I love you beyond anything but don’t try to search for me. Respect my wishes, please. I wish you all luck, health and happiness above all others, even though I know it will be hard for you without me. Think of it this way, at least you’ll have some peace now!
I love you all so, so much and maybe one day we will see each other again. I’m sorry I’ve put you through so much pain.
Love, forever and always,
Lilly. xxx

Around the letter I drew little skulls and stars and wrote the odd Mighty Boosh quote, knowing it would bring a smile to their sad lips. I also drew a couple of pairs of anime eyes and strange, cute little faces and wrote “Nyu!” in one corner.

I smiled sorrowfully at the finished product, kissed it softly, sealing another bit of love into it, then folded it and quickly wrote “My Lovelies” on the front. I looked up and realised we were entering my hometown. From there I had to concentrate on giving Matt directions.

As we were driving down a long straight road I said, ‘When I’m done here, can we stop off at my friend’s house? To let her know I’m okay?’

‘How trustworthy is she?’ asked Padge.

‘Very,’ I replied. ‘I know she won’t tell a soul.’

‘If your sure I guess you can,’ said Moose.

‘I am,’ I said firmly. ‘But can I tell her…what you are?’

‘I dunno about that,’ said Jay uncertainly. ‘Not many people are that trustworthy.’

‘Sam is,’ I insisted. ‘Please. I need someone to talk to about this.’

There was a silence in the car as the men considered it. ‘Alright,’ said Matt from the driver’s seat.

‘Thank you!’ I smiled gratefully.

‘Only if we can come in and meet her though,’ said Jay smiling.

‘She wouldn’t believe me if you didn’t.’

'Good,’ said Padge and I knew he was smiling suggestively.

‘She’s gay,’ I said bursting his little bubble.

‘Oh,’ he said. He paused. ‘You’re not…are you?’

‘No,’ I smiled.

I continued giving Matt directions until we eventually stopped outside my house. I stared at it. I hadn’t thought I would ever see it again so I smiled a little, thinking of the times when I was young playing outside. Or when I wasn’t allowed out so my friends came to the door to speak to me.

‘I’ll come in with you,’ said Moose, snapping me out of my thoughts.

‘Okay,’ I said. Jay got out so I could. I grabbed my bag as I went. I walked the path; Moose followed close behind like a bodyguard. The front door was unlocked, as I had expected. I eased it open silently and slipped inside, Moose shutting it gently. I knew I had to move fast so I went to the stairs immediately and quietly hurried up them. I paused in the middle of the staircase and peered through the banister to look at my Mum and Nan in the living room. They both looked thoroughly depressed. Their eyes and noses red from crying. I watched in sorrow as they moved sadly, slowly and without purpose. I heard a sound from the bottom of the stairs and saw Moose waving me up the stairs to get what I had to. I nodded and continued my assent.

Once in my room I moved around quickly and silently, avoiding the squeaky floorboards, collecting my most prized possessions as I went. First came my notebooks and diaries, a pair of knee-length black trousers and a couple of random tops so I wouldn’t have to wear Matt’s clothes all the time, a small plastic bag containing ribbons, another with feathers, a few extra pens and two random books. I looked around the room one last time to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything, then put Gatomon in my bag. My surfboard was way too big to take and I probably wouldn’t get a chance to use it so on the way out I planted a quick kiss on its surface and left the room.

Just as I did I heard someone coming upstairs. My mother! I looked around desperately and quickly darted into the box room. I crouched there waiting. After a moment I heard her go into her own room and close the door behind her. I sighed and made my way downstairs.

When I got there Moose had gone. I looked around confused. What if this whole thing had been a joke and they really had brought me home to stay? I found myself feeling something completely unexpected, disappointment. But then he appeared from underneath the desk in the hall. I stared at him as if to say, “What the fuck?!” feeling oddly happy that they hadn’t left me.

He shrugged and mouthed the words, ‘I panicked!’ I smiled, suppressing a laugh.

I noticed the front room door was open. I moved towards it, I could hear my sister on the computer. Moose grabbed my arm quickly and shook his head when I turned to look at him. I raised one finger to indicate one second and mouthed, ‘Please’. He released me slowly. I smiled a “thank you” and peered around the door. My sister was sitting at the computer, her side to the door. Her face was as sad as my Mum’s and Nana’s were and her eyes were puffy and red. I expected her to be on FaceBook as usual but instead she was on my MSN account, apparently asking people if they had seen or heard from me.

I moved forward slightly and my reflection was suddenly caught in the screen. She turned swiftly but I was faster. She didn’t even have time to catch a flash of my hair. I got the note and bar of chocolate out of my pocket and removed the rose from my hair. I placed the chocolate by a vase of flowers on the desk and stood the folded note over it, leaning against the vase. The vase was filled with blue flowers so I slipped the rose into the middle of it. I looked around once more, then joined Moose at the door. I shut it quietly. Matt had already turned the car around so Padge was forced to get out so I could slip in between them.

As we neared the end of my old street we heard my sister screaming my name as she ran out. We all turned around to see her running out of the house. She looked up and down the street, probably expecting to see someone on foot, then she saw the car. She ran towards it desperately, screaming for me again. Matt pulled out of the street fast and drove away. I turned back to the front and a couple of tears ran down my cheeks. I sobbed quietly.

I suddenly felt Jay take my hand in his and squeeze it. That only made me sob harder. Padge put his arms around me and pulled me close into a hug. I didn’t fight against him, instead I let Jay keep hold of my left hand and put my right on Padge’s back. I cried into his shoulder for only a minute, I forced myself to calm down quickly, not wanting to make Sam worried about me when I saw her. I pulled away from Padge, smiling up at him. He returned the smile and let me lean back against the car seat but kept his arm around me. Jay wiped my tears away and I squeezed his hand in thanks.

I had already given Matt the directions to Sam’s and when I looked up I found we were nearly there. We parked outside her house. I was more than a little nervous about telling Sam what Bullet were. I didn’t know how she was going to react to the news and was worried that she’d just force us out or something. But at the same time I was desperate for someone else to know. Someone I could talk to. I got out of the car and we walked to the front door. I knew her father and brothers weren’t there because their cars weren’t outside. I hesitated very briefly at her door, then knocked twice on the glass. There was a pause in which both Matt and Moose out their arms around me protectively. Then, the door opened.

© Amber Williams 2008