Never Be Afraid Again.

I put my head on the palm of my hand; my silver grey eyes gaze blankly at the wall across from me. My sister should be home any minute now, back from her lunch date with her boyfriend as always at 2.30, it was 2.36.

My sister, Rosalie Bennet, was someone true to her name. Absolutely beautiful and gentle as the most fragile flower, but still emitting a strong aura of power and knowledge. And for that, she was perfect. Every guy wanted her, and every girl wanted to be her. But she wasn’t arrogant, or the least bit conceited, she was still warm and amusing. She would smile to people she doesn’t know and if she meet a new person they would soon be talking as if they knew each other since birth. Yes, she was that charming.

Rosalie and I couldn’t be separated, it is just simply couldn’t be done. We’re as close as any sisters could be and would think of each other as our best friend. But still ever since high school people would compare. Not only that, they also judge. Yes, it is a subconscious thing that our mind does, but still one of the worst things it could do. To everyone, Rosalie was the perfect person. She was a perfect daughter, a perfect friend, a perfect student, a perfect sister, a perfect girlfriend and a perfect everything. But she would deny it if anyone ever told her so, that is one of the things that I admire most from her. Her incredible modesty.

I walked to the mirror and stare at my reflection in the mirror. A long pale face with silvery grey eyes and a halo of long wavy dark brown hair. My sister had always said that I had some kind of ethereal beauty, but of course I denied her every time she brought it up. My looks were nothing like hers. She had platinum blonde hair, straight and sleek like a tumbling waterfall. Bright green eyes, whose light never fades. She had beauty so great that I even think I saw some people stop in their tracks in awe of her. I gotten used to it now.

“Coraline!” I heard her voice from the front door.

I tore my gaze from the wall that I’ve been staring for the last 30 minutes and got up to greet my sister. She was standing at the doorway all 5’9 of her right beside her handsome boyfriend. Matthew Bourne stood next to her. His light brown hair was ruffled due to the autumn wind still blowing softly outside. He had his arm around my sister’s waist and smiled at me before turning his blue eyes to glance at my sister. I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. I’ve seen that glance before. They gave each other those glances when they think no one can see. Sweet lovesick glances. It sickens me to no end.

I know that this might seem weird, but I do not believe in a thing called love. I believe it is just a figment of people’s constant imagination. A feeling that humans created to make themselves feel happier, something like a high for someone who doesn’t does drugs. All those stories of people in love, all the emotion and the things love makes you do, it isn’t real. It couldn’t be real. I refuse to believe it. Nothing could be that powerful. The butterflies in your stomach, might just be the really bad tuna you ate, the dizzy feeling in your head, might just be because your lack of sleep, the constant thinking about another is just because you might be curious about them. Nothing logical can be found in love, that is why I wouldn’t believe it.

“Hey Matt” I said, waving lightly at him

“Hey” He replied with his dazzling smile

Okay, so maybe I don’t know a thing about love. But I do know that they are perfect for each other. Matthew then turns his eyes to my sister and I knew what was going to happen. I turn my head to the side subtly just to give them the privacy they needed. Before I knew it I heard Matthew’s car zooming away from the house and my sister right beside me stroking my hair.

“I saw the way you looked at Matthew earlier” She said, smiling her soft smile

“What?!” I yelled, astonished at her. “He’s your boyfriend!”

“Umm” Rosalie looking down at her hands before holding the right one to my face. “Fiancé”

“No way!” I squealed, and grabbed her hand where sure enough has a beautiful diamond ring on her ring finger. I hugged her tightly. “I’m so happy for you, sis”

“I wish I could say the same to you” She said pulling me back and frowning as she scrutinized my face. I inwardly groaned. I know where this talk is going to lead.

“No” I groaned, walking away from her, towards the fridge to get my favorite rocky road ice cream. Just as my fingers closed on the spoon that I was going to dip in the ice cream, my sister snatched it away from me.

“How long are we not gonna talk about it?” She asked exasperatedly. “You’re nineteen for god’s sake!”

“So what if I’m nineteen?” I retorted

“You’ve never had a boyfriend before!” She exclaimed, “But I have the liberty on finding you a perfect one”

“Like a blind date?!” I asked incredulously

“Uhuh” She said enthusiastically, nodding her head

“NO!” I yelled

“Please,” She begged as her eyes filled with tears, just about to burst out. “Please just do this one thing for me. I just want the best for you”

I contemplated on this for a moment, looking at my older sister almost crying her eyes out just for the sake of my happiness.

“Okay” I gave in, nodding. Only for you sis.

_______________________________________________________________________

Later that evening

I sighed exasperatedly as I tried to find something decent to wear. My dresses and blouses were strewn across my messy room, not like there is a ton of it; there are probably just 5. I looked over them again and again, not able to chose one of them. I ran my fingers through my hair and finally selected something. Not from the pile of dresses in my bed, but black skinny jeans and a white ‘skelanimals’ t-shirt. I figure if I want to go out on a date, I should probably just be myself.

I walked over to my mirror and lined my eyes with black eyeliner and thick mascara. Just those two simple things made my grey eyes pop and my pale face look even paler. I walked out of my room and down the stairs only to find my sister talking to a black haired boy who was wearing a dark blue t-shirt with jeans. He looked up as I went down the stairs and flicked his gaze back to my sister. He seemed indifferent.

“There she is!” My sister said happily, “Spencer, this is my sister Coraline, Cora, this is Spencer. He’s Matthew’s best friend and an excellent photographer.”

“I wouldn’t say excellent.” He answered modestly, smiling at me.

Rosalie sent a dazzling smile over at me, as if saying ‘see I told you he was perfect!’ over and over again.

“Well, you two should probably get going” Rosalie said, pushing the both of us out the front door. “Have fun!”

I stumbled out the door while he walked calmly after me. We stood there in the front lawn in my house in awkward silence. I turned my head away from him, and he did the same.

Somehow we both got the impression that we both don’t want to be here. I looked at him and he looked at me, he scrutinized my face and kept his eyes on mine. I tore mine away shortly after, he couldn’t have put me under his spell even if he wanted to. We walked wordlessly to the nearest Starbucks, I ordered my drink and he ordered his, separately. Is this what a date is like? I’m glad I missed a lot of it.

We sat down face to face in a table in the far end of the room, neither of us speaking. I looked down at my cup often and wouldn’t even glance up to look at him.

“Wow, he wasn’t kidding”

I snapped my head up to his. He was looking at me with the same scrutinizing expression as before.

“What do you mean?”

“He said you don’t date. I know why now”

“Why?”

“You don’t love, or you don’t want to love” He said, looking at my face. “You don’t believe in it.”

I stayed silent for a minute. Drinking it all in.

“H-how do you know” I stuttered

“It’s obvious” He shrugged,

I raised my eyebrows. He laughed.

“I study psychology, and its clear that you hold a grudge against relationships” He said smiling a simple cute smile. Wow, I know why Rosalie wanted me to like him in the first place, he’s hot.

“But it’s okay I’m only doing this as a favor to Matthew, I like this other girl.”

“Okay” I said, relaxing at last. “I’m not looking for a relationship now, I’m not looking for a relationship ever.”

“I know” He grinned. “By the way, I have to go now, I told my mom I wouldn’t be out long”
“So you were going to ditch me even if I liked you?” I asked jokingly

“Yeah” He grinned, “So, I’ll see you.”

“Yeah, bye” I said casually

“Bye”

I sat there alone, watching him leave no feelings surfaced, because no feelings were ever there. I looked around the coffee shop, and weirdly enough ‘Coffee Shop Soundtrack’ by All Time Low was playing softly in the speakers. There was a5 people in total in the shop, two guys behind the counter, who was joking amongst themselves, a woman, sipping tea while reading a book, and a boy, around my age bent over a notebook and drawing. He had dirty blonde hair with fringes over his eyes, making it impossible for me to see his eyes.

You see, eyes fascinate me, and I can somehow predict what color some people’s eyes might be before I see them. I stared blankly at the top of his bent head and thought; Blue? Couldn’t be, he doesn’t look like someone who have blue eyes. Green? It looks like it could be mismatched to his face. Hazel? Way too plain for him. I kept on staring at him, bent over his notebook. It looks like he was drawing something because he kept reaching for his eraser and rubbing out parts, I saw him look up but yet I couldn’t see his eyes because it was covered by his bangs. He kept on drawing and looking up, a routine that I found most entertaining to watch, so convincing myself that he wouldn’t notice me looking at him, I gazed unwillingly to his movements.

Suddenly he looked up.

And what I saw – even at a distance – I wouldn’t forget for the rest of my life. A peculiar shade of glowing honey hazel and subtle green peeked from his bangs, so bright that I could see it from the other side of the small room. The edges of his mouth curved into a small, boyish grin. I bit my lip self-consciously, because the only one in the other side of the coffee shop to him is I. I gazed still into his direction, unable to move my eyes from his eyes, it feels like I couldn’t even pull away from this intense gaze that he is giving me, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything.

Until it snapped.

He looked back down to his notebook and it seemed like he forgot me completely. I breathed down a sigh of relief, it felt like I haven’t breathe in ages and now I have the opportunity to. I looked down to my cup of signature hot chocolate, it was still steaming hot, and I was thankful of that. I took a couple of sips still looking down at the table. Then I heard the unmistakable sound of the scraping of a chair. I looked up instinctively and saw him stand up, taking his unfinished cup of coffee and notebook with him. I felt my insides drop into the pit of my stomach; he couldn’t be leaving now could he? But instead of turning to the exit, he turned the other direction.

To me.

I dropped my eyes to the table, playing with the rim of my cup. My heart thudded erratically in my chest as the sweat glands in my palm began to work overtime. Things that I vowed not to do in my entire life. As I sat there staring intently at the table, I could hear the faint thuds of footsteps, and they were getting louder and louder by every step. I began to debate with myself, the question was to look or not to look. My heart fought with my brain. And inevitably, my heart won.

I looked up, only to find that those glowing orbs that were his eyes gazing shamelessly into mine. Without a word and without breaking eye contact he slid his tattered black notebook across the table to me. I blinked and looked down at it, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I looked up at him again, only to meet his eyes once again, they were encouraging, as if he was willing me to open, still with his gorgeous boyish grin. My eyes dropped back to his book, and my hands shaking slightly to open the front cover.

I inwardly gasped.

The girl in the picture was sitting absentmindedly on a chair with a cup of starbucks coffee in her hand. She had high cheekbones but still with a heart shaped face, her figure was long and slender so was her neck and finger, her lips was full and it looks like she was chewing it. What scared me the most was the way that the girl in the picture looked so much like Rosalie, with a few minor mistakes. Like how the girl’s hair isn’t platinum blonde and straight, but wavy and brown, or how her eyes was not as small as Rosalie’s but slightly bigger with thick eyeliner around it. She was wearing a black and white skelanimals t-shirt and tight skinny jeans. Her eyes were large and wide without even trying to make it large. He even had the liberty to shade the light grey color of the eyes. So silvery and almost translucent.

It was a drawing of me. At least I think it is. It is like an enhanced version of me, still with my curly halo of chocolate brown hair and my grey eyes but so much more beautiful against my other features. My eyes went wide as I stare up at him in shock.

So when I’ve been stealing glances at him, he was stealing glances at me?

He stuck his hand out as my heart almost burst in unexpected happiness. I always thought that there isn’t going to be a hope for someone like me, in something that I didn’t believe in. I didn’t think love would come to me, even for a second.

“I’m Alex, Alex Rochester”

And as I took his hand and shook it, a bolt of electricity surged through my body, and I’m sure he felt it to.

I know then that there might be hope for me after all.