A Drama Provider

I had managed to go three days with completely avoiding everyone, except Alex, Rian, Jack and Zack, my fateful heroes. They had so graciously took me in when I’d called Alex’s phone and broke down in the street with him on the other line.

“Jack, I swear to god if you kill me again, I will murder you.” Rian sounded exhausted as he threw himself against the back of the couch. The two of them had been playing Halo all morning and it was starting to get old. I was sitting on the couch between the two of them, with my feet by their head and my head on the ground.

“Will you two please just give up!” I sighed and punched both of their shins.

“Will you please make me a sandwich?” Jack looked down at me with his big, brown, puppy dog eyes. I rolled my eyes and threw my legs over me.

“Fine.” I finally stood up and brushed myself off, glaring at the two of them. “But so you know, he’s not going to stop killing you on purpose.” I stuck my tongue out at Rian and walked off toward the kitchen area.

“She’s right.” Zack called from the tiny booth/table across from the kitchen area.

“Thank you.” I smiled at him before starting to pull out everything for Jack’s sandwich.

“Don’t be so uptight, Delly.” Jack giggled and I slammed the tub of mayo on the counter. After the first night of staying on All Time Low’s bus, I had woke up to my wonderful new nickname. Sure, I’d been called Dell for most of my life, like the computer, but never Delly, like a Deli.

“I am not a Deli!” I yelled and when I opened my eyes I found all three boys staring at me with open mouths.

“Morning to you too, Adele.” Alex’s sleepy voice came from behind me as he slightly stumbled form the bunk area.

“Sorry guys.” I apologized and looked down at the few things I’d pulled from the fridge. “I’m just a bit overloaded, I didn’t mean to yell.” I sighed again and looked up to see Jack standing right beside me.

“It’s okay, Delly. I’ll make the sandwich.” Jack gave me a small smile and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “Why don’t you go and lay down for a bit?” He suggested and nudged me toward the bunk hall.

“Sounds fine.” I muttered and shuffled out of the room. All my bundles of emotions were coming out in small bursts like the Deli thing. I climbed into my bunk and searched for my phone, finding it shoved against the wall, in the corner. I almost dropped it as it vibrated in my hand at the same second I picked it up. The screen flashed p3 New Txt Msg. My stomach clenched as I opened them, dreading who they were from.

’Call me if you wanna talk ; )’

It was from Marc and as much as a good friend he’d been through everything so far, this wasn’t something I wanted to spill to him. It was odd to feel like that about Marc, he’d always been the perfect secret keeper. I shook thoughts away from my mind and went to the next one.

’I miss you – xoox kyle’

This sent a shudder through me and I coughed down my sobs. It hurt to get these tiny little messages from him. One’s that said sweet things like ‘miss you’ and ‘love you’. I’d hurt him so much, yet he harbored no hate or resent, just love. Then again, he didn’t know the reasons why I’d done what I did. I quickly clicked to the next and last message.

’Adele, we need to talk; text me when we stop next’

My breath caught once I got to the end and saw it was from Jonathan. I felt so awful for kissing him and leaving like I had. He was so confused, and probably felt horrible for kissing his bestfriends girlfriend. Bestfriend. Jonathan and Kyle were bestfriends. Bestfriends since high school, since before he met me. I groaned at the possibility of ruining a great friendship.

“You know, they ask about you all the time.” Alex’s voice from beside my head caught me so off guard, I threw my phone and jumped from the bed, hitting my head on the one above me. “Sorry doll, didn’t mean to frighten you.” He smiled and I rolled my eyes.

“Course you didn’t, Mr. Gaskarth.” I added sarcastically as he started to nudge me over so he could climb in beside me.

“Scouts honor.” He winked and help up his right hand, palm facing me.

“Somehow, I severely doubt that you were a boy scout ever.” I giggled and watched as he rolled his eyes at me.

“I was close enough.” He shrugged and then his smile become a little smaller and turned a little sadder. “Nobody knows why you’re hiding out on our bus either, though you’re always welcome.” His smile turned a bit warmer toward the end. I was hoping we could post pone this serious topic for a few more minutes with our pointless argument, but it seemed Alex was determined to stick to serious this time. “And the random outbursts is either a sign of something awfully wrong or you’re starting that whole girl thing of the month.” Alex’s nose scrunched up when he mentioned the ‘girl thing’.

“I’m not starting my period.” I told him without the instinct to laugh at how guy’s get so uneasy when talking about menstrual things. My mind was on a few other things that were distracting me.

“So then there is something wrong.” He looked over at me expectantly while I kept my focus forward. Tears were already starting to burn my eyes as my mind went over the thoughts again and again. “And I’m thinking,” Alex threw his arm over me and pulled me closer to him, “this is the perfect opportunity to talk about it.” He squeezed me and then left his arm rest around my shoulders. I laid my head on his shoulder and wondered why there wasn’t a block going up saying ‘don’t tell him!’ It was awkward, especially since I was feeling that toward Marc, of all people, but not Alex. I guess I just needed somebody on the outside to talk to, somebody fresh.

“Well,” I started and then stopped. “I love Kyle, I really do.” My body swelled with the love I had for him. He was such a sweetheart to me, and so much fun to be around.

“But?” Alex edged me on.

“But,” I stopped again. This really wasn’t the beginning. The beginning started a long time ago. “Let me start over again.” I sat up this time, crossing my legs and slouching just a bit so my head didn’t hit the top bunk.

“Ooo, a bedtime story!” Alex snuggled into my pillow and stretched out like I was about to tell him some happily ever after fairy tale.

“Retard.” I muttered and then inhaled real deep and exhaled real slow. “Anyway, story starts years ago, when I met Jonathan.” I bit my bottom lip in anticipation. I’d never actually told anybody this. “And when I fell in love with Jonathan.”


“That was so fucking awesome!” Kyle yelled, probably because he’s ears were still ringing and he couldn’t hear himself properly, and jumped as we stepped off the curb to cross the street. We’d just left the club we’d seen a few local bands play at and Kyle was still reeling from it.

“Dude, you have got to calm down before we go back to my place. My mom will murder you if you wake her up.” Jonathan laughed and stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets. I was walking between the two of them and was trying so hard not to jump around like Kyle was.

“Can’t help it. I’ve got so much energy.” Kyle grinned as he did a cartwheel down the sidewalk, making both Jonathan and I laugh.

“Why don’t you run to the car and then run back?” I suggested and squealed as he squeezed me, picking my feet up off the ground, and twirling me.

“Brilliant plan, see you guys in a bit.” He waved and ran off. I giggled and watched as he almost got ran over when he didn’t check the road before running into it.

“Maybe you should have suggested jogging to the car.” Jonathan chuckled and shook his head as Kyle apologized and then took off again.

“That probably would have been better.” I agreed and scooted closer, locking out arms together and trying to walk in sync with him.

“So you and Kyle are getting along pretty well.” Jonathan commented after awhile of silence. I laid my head on his shoulder and smiled.

“He’s easy to get along with.” I shrugged and thought about how long it’d been since Kyle and I’d first met and how well we did mesh together.

“And you were worried he wouldn’t like you.” Jonathan nudged his shoulder to move my head. “Like that’s possible for anybody to not like you.” His words sent butterflies through me. Damn butterflies that I’d been starting to feel for the past several months. Feelings for my bestfriend.

“Most of our class doesn’t.” I added dryly and felt a little sinking feeling in my gut. I was ignored at school, always had been, but since this was our last year and all, it just hit harder. My head jerked up as we abruptly stopped walking and I turned to face Jonathan curiously.

“They’re idiots and it’s their loss for not getting to know you.” Jonathan’s voice took on such tender compassion, I melted. “I love you Adele, don’t forget that.” He cracked a smile and pulled me into one of those crushing-killer hugs that makes your lungs burn. I squeezed him back hard.

“I love you too Jonathan.” My throat got dry and started to close from holding back tears. I loved this boy more than I was admitting to him, and to myself. He’d saved me from desperation and killing loneliness.

We stood there for a while, until Kyle came running back to us and asked us was the whole hug fest was about. Then we let go and went back to walking with his hands in his pockets and my left arm locked with his right, while Kyle continued to run back and forth until we made it to the car.
“And that night I realized how irrevocably in love I was with Jonathan Cook.” I sighed and glanced over at Alex to make sure he was still awake.

“So what the hell happened that lead to you dating Kyle and not Cook?” He asked like I was stupid.

“I ignored my feelings with Jonathan, I had to. The boy obviously didn’t have feelings back for me, so I repressed what I could and buried what was left.” I went back to staring at the wall our feet were almost touching. “And so I thought I was over him by the time Kyle asked me out on our first date, and Kyle was, and always will be, a total sweetheart so it was only normal that I was swept off my feet by his charm. So I agreed to be his girlfriend, and then months went by and I was able to look at Jonathan and not have the major impulse to kiss him, but just to hug him for saving me.”

“But you still loved him.” Alex interjected and I nodded.

“I just tricked myself into believing I loved him as a brother, and bestfriend, not as anything more.” I mumbled.

“So, how does that have to do with the awful thing now?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow up at me.

“I’m not finished with the past yet.” I started to feel uneasy with what was coming next. Alex’s eyebrow stayed up as he waited for me to continue. “Well, like I said, I felt normal, or basic, or whatever, toward Jonathan again, and I started dating Kyle. It didn’t take long for those feelings to take over and for me to fall in love with him and all his kindness and sweetness.” I sighed heavily. “And then, about four or five months ago, we moved into a new house, the seven of us. It’s easier with rent and the whole touring thing if we share a house, so we moved in together.” I was being evasive, and I could tell that Alex had caught on to it. “And that’s when Caleb started to come onto me.” Those words sounded so ridiculous, so juvenile, yet the only ones I could come up with to explain what had happened.

“Caleb came onto you?” Alex restated my statement as a question and I rolled my eyes, deciding to go in the deep end.

“You know how Caleb flirts, he just does it naturally. He’s always done it since I’d met him, and it was shrugged off when he still did it once Kyle and I got together. It was just Caleb being Caleb. But then when we moved, Caleb kissed me.” I looked down at my hands and ignored Alex’s expressions and reactions. “He said stuff like, he’d always wanted me, and that he knew I wanted him too, and just stuff like that, and then he would kiss me. I’d try to get away, and sometimes I succeeded, but I am just a bit tinnier than Caleb and so pushing him away doesn’t really do anything.” I ventured with my eyes up to Alex’s widened and shocked ones. “So, it’s like I’ve been cheating on Kyle with Caleb, but I don’t mean to. I always tell Caleb to stop and that we shouldn’t, but he just doesn’t listen to me. He says he knows I don’t mean it and then just kisses me more.” I sighed and put my head down in my hands. “That’s been driving me crazy for the past several months, but then since we’ve been on tour he stopped. Marc says it’s cause of the close proximity and all, and he was right because once we were completely along, he did it again.” I stopped, thinking about that kiss on the tour bus.

“Wow.” Alex muttered and his lack of criticism made me laugh.

“Wow was all I could say to at first, but then, the last day I was with the boys, I told him it had to stop, and somehow I finally got through to him, and he agreed to stop.” I bit my bottom lip again as that memory replayed in my head. “For one last kiss.”

“That doesn’t sound good.” Alex looked at me warily and I shook my head.

“After all that, all the anger, and anxiety he’d caused me, that last kiss had been so different and I,” I paused, swallowing hard, “I swooned from it.” I finished and looked over at him, a little scared of what he’d say.

“Wow.” That was all he said again. I nodded in agreement.

“And that was after my feelings for Jonathan were unearthed and I kissed him too.” I sighed and shook my head, saying all this out loud really set the stage for how messed up I’d made things. “Then I broke up with Kyle so that I could figure things out and decide where everything should go and apologize to the right people.”

“But who are the right people?” Alex came out with my own question that I was having a problem answering.

“I don’t know.” I told him sadly and scooted down so I could lay my head on his shoulder again. “I’m so confused and torn.” I admitted and was thankful he let me snuggle up to him. He wasn’t looking down at me for the things that I’d done, whether on accident or on purpose. Alex was accepting me, and, god, it felt good.

“Jack was right, get some rest doll,” He put his arm around me again and hugged me close, “it’ll do you some good, and then later we can discuss more about who’s the best suitor for you.” He squeezed me and kissed the top of my head.

“Thanks Alex.” I whispered and closed my eyes while I rested against his chest.

“Anytime Adele, I’m here for you.” Alex started to rake his fingers up and down my back, lightly scratching it in a soothing way.