A Drama Provider

I woke up like usual on All Time Low’s bus, with someone poking my sides consistently.

“Leave me alone.” I muttered into my pillow and shut my eyes harder, trying to ignore the bony finger that didn’t go away. “Argh!” I finally sat up a little and rested on my elbows, looking at a very groggy looking Jack. I was also, once again alone in the bed. Alex had a bad habit of doing that, leaving before I woke up, so bad that I never woke up with him. I was still trying to figure out if it was a habit picked up from too many one night stands, or just a coincidence.

“Your phone’s annoying.” Jack mumbled and threw it at me before going back to his bunk and most likely going back to sleep. I pushed thoughts of one night stands aside and opened my phone, seeing there were quite a few missed calls. Most were from Kyle, but I also had one from Marc.

I slid out of the bunk and decided to get dressed before I embarked on the long journey to FTSK’s bus. Luckily, we were at a stop that provided electricity and water. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I grabbed my tiny duffel bag and tried to find some semi clean clothes, but after failing I went for Alex’s. He had warmly offered me his clothes to wear when I couldn’t find anything, and I was pretty sure it was just because he liked to see me in his clothes. I ended up in [this] and grabbed my phone before I exited the bus with a few exchanged bye’s with Matt, who was still mostly asleep without his coffee.

The fear running through me was starting to make me sick, but no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t turn back. I promised Alex I would see Kyle today, and I had every intention of fulfilling that promise. I really didn’t want to see Jonathan at the moment though, but I’d just have to risk it. I took in a deep breath before I tried opening the door that was locked, of course. I rolled my eyes and knocked on the door. Please don’t be Jonathan. Please don’t be Jonathan. Please don’t be Jonathan.

“Adele!” I heard Austin yell before I felt his weight on top of me and pushing me backwards immediately.

“Austin!” I giggled and hugged the boy back.

“I thought you died!” He squeezed me tight and I felt the air leave my lungs. “Oh my god, everybody’s going to be so excited!” As he let me go and let the oxygen back into my lungs, I felt the queasiness in my stomach come back. “Everybody is so moody and depressing without you around.” Austin stood up and stepped aside, revealing a Mr. Burns at the top of the stairs.

“Dell?” He asked, almost as if he couldn’t tell if this was a dream or not. Austin’s smile only faltered a bit as he came up with some excuse to go back inside the bus.

“Kyle.” I exhaled. It was nice to see him again. His bright blue eyes and his ready smile with just that little glint of silver on it were so familiar; it was like coming home after being homesick on tour for months. The knots in my stomach disappeared. He must have felt the same way because just as I threw myself at him, he caught me, wrapping his arms around my middle and picking me up to squeeze me to his chest. I wrapped my own arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder, letting the few tears that escaped my eyelids gently wet his shirt. His arms felt so safe and familiar, and I had missed them so greatly.

“I love you.” He whispered into my ear and I felt his lips kiss, ever so lightly, my jaw. The tears were welling up even more now.

“I love you too.” The words came out without even a second thought, and I knew it wasn’t a lie when they did. Kyle seemed to go a little frigid after my words and I was hoping like hell it was just my imagination. Then he slowly put my feet back on the ground and straightened up, letting his hands lightly rest on my sides.

“Let’s go for a walk.” He suggested coolly, like he was trying to be overly casual. I just nodded and let my hand find his as our fingers laced together. Kyle started to lead us away from the few buses that were already parked and the several that were still making their way here, in dead silence. It wasn’t awkward, like it would have been with some people, but it wasn’t quite right either. Kyle wasn’t the quiet type on his own, where as I always had been, but when you put the two of us together, it was hard to shut either of us up. The silence felt so wrong, and I knew it was my entire fault.

We ended up at a cute, small park only a few streets over from the traditional field the Warped Tour usually played at. I bit my bottom lip as we drifted to the swing area and I sat down on the farthest one to the left while Kyle stood before me. We stayed like that, me sitting and him standing, both of us staring at the other, until two kids ran up and jumped in the swings farthest from us.

I was the first to tear my glance away from the cute little boy and girl. “So, how have things been?” I asked lightly, trying to keep things from that awful, depressing side that was so close.

“Better.” Kyle shrugged before letting a smile tug at his lips. “A lot better.” I nodded and let my eyes fall to my converse. I really didn’t want to hear how horrid he was doing, I had enough problems without more guilt on my plate as well. “What about you?” I was surprised by his nonchalant tone, and how forced it seemed to be as he stepped closer, letting his hands grip at the bars just above my own. “How are the All Time Low boys treating you?” His warm, minty breath caressed my face because of how close he was holding his body to my own. The air caught in my own throat.

“Lovely,” I tried laughing but it came out strained. “Jack thinks I should be their new singer, Zack keeps trying to get me to exercise more with him, Matt won’t stop bugging me about managing advice, Delicious is treating me like a puppy for some odd reason, and Alex,” I hesitated and looked off at the clouds, trying to fit it just right, “is Alex.” I shrugged, not completely satisfied with that, but figuring it was the best I could come up with. “In fact, I think Rian is the only sane one there that hasn’t tried raping me for coffee.” I giggled a little at how ridiculous those boys could be sometimes.

“Sounds like you’re having fun.” Kyle noted dryly and I noticed his knuckles turn white as he tightened his grip on the swing. I shook my head slowly. Kyle had never been the angry, jealous type, but then he’d never quite had any competition to be jealous over.

“Actually my heads been so confused this past week, I think they’re all just acting super goofy to keep me laughing.” I admitted sheepishly and drifted my gaze from his eyes down to his shoes, only mere centimeters from my own.

“I wish you’d let me in.” Kyle breathed out and I looked up at him confused. “Let me help you. You know I’d do anything for you.” He sighed and his left hand let go of the swing to gently cup my face. I smiled and leaned into his palm. His touch felt good, tender, perfect.

“I know Kyle, but this is something I’ve got to do by myself.” I felt grief at the very words. It’d be so nice to be able to let somebody else help me carry this burden, but that was impossible. I had to do it.

“Can I at least know what’s going on?” His hand wrapped back around the swing chain and I glanced at his pleading, big blues. I shortly contemplated telling him about Caleb, and Jonathan, and maybe even Alex.

“I’m not sure.” I shook my head of the other three boys and focused on the one in front of me. “I love you, I really do, it’s just,” I bit my bottom lip. Everything in me was screaming to shut up, but those eyes of his were making me spill my guts. He did deserve to know. “I’m not sure where I belong anymore.” or who I belong with. Kyle’s face scrunched with concern and confusion.

“You belong with me.” He whispered and leaned in to rest his forehead on mine. “You belong wherever I am.” He said the last bit a little more firmly, with more solid determinism behind it. I took a deep steadying breath.

“I don’t think I want to tour anymore.” I whispered and closed my eyes, waiting for his response. When I didn’t get one I slowly let my eyes flutter open to see that Kyle had his squeezed shut, his lips pressed together tightly, like he was in great pain. My stomach turned and I blurted something I hadn’t really told anybody yet, just to try and ease his hurt. “Fate seems to be pushing me somewhere else.”

“Fate?” Kyle chuckled and his eyes opened. There was hurt, regret, disbelief, and sadness there, but at least they weren’t squeezed shut like before. “I should have known you’d be skittish about something like fate.” He shook his head and gave another sigh. “I think fate is telling you to stay with me, be with me.” I couldn’t help but smile at his grin and simple logic.

“You know fate can’t be tricked into what you want it to be. It makes its own path and course, and it led me to Jonathan, who led me to you, and now,” I stopped. I hadn’t thought this far ahead, but I was pretty sure the words were right as they flowed from me.

“Now it’s taking the thing I love most from me?” Kyle’s question had a little bit of bitterness to it as he quirked an eyebrow at me. I sighed and shrugged, deciding to leave the matter at that. Kyle sighed again and then stepped closer to me, letting go of the swing and wrapping his arms around me. “Can I spend the rest of the day with you then?” He begged and I knew, even without seeing it, that he was pouting like a puppy.

“I would love to spend the rest of the day with you.” I hugged him and snuggled my face into his neck, taking in his oh so familiar smell. “What shall we do first?” I grinned as he pulled back and grabbed both my hands in his.

“Well, I know you have a sleeping problem, but since you’ve been gone, I’ve had one too.” He smirked and yanked me from the seat and toward his chest, letting one arm wrap around my shoulders and the other lace our fingers.

“Aw, can wittle Kywle not sleep wiffout prwetty Adele?” I cooed and reached up on my tip toes to place a kiss on his cheek.

“No he can’t.” Kyle smiled wide and leaned down, capturing my lips with his before I could place my feet flat on the ground. “He misses her to much to sleep.” He mumbled against my lips before kissing me a little harder again. My head swam as I felt myself slip into old times.

I was lucky again when everybody on FTSK’s bus was still asleep besides Austin, who had apparently stepped out for a jog around the place. It felt so well-known to be sneaking on bus with Kyle’s fingers loosely attached to my own as he drug me to his bunk and pulled the two of in it. After closing the curtain and getting settled with the pillow and blanket on top of us, Kyle started to strum his fingers lightly against my back, playing a steady rhythm that seemed somewhat familiar. His fingers eventually got slower and his breathing deeper as he drifted off to sleep with his arms securely around me. I giggled as I turned my body to face him and he pulled me closer, tightening his grip, as if he thought I was trying to leave. I managed to wiggle up and press a soft kiss to his nose before wrapping my own arms around him and snuggling my face into his neck.

I missed this.