A Drama Provider

“Delly!” Jack groaned as he sat on the couch beside me, throwing his weight around like a small child would. “Why are you so quiet?” He poked my side to which I jolted just the slightest in response. “You haven’t talked in forever!” I giggled lightly and turned my head just a bit to eye him. He was giving me a puppy dog pout.

“I’ve just been thinking a lot, Jack Attack.” I sighed and rested my head back in its original position, which was in the crook of Alex’s neck. Since the Maryland offer I kept to myself in an attempt to settle the war with my emotions. The boys were set to leave in two days. A big part of me wanted to throw everything away and go off with them, but then another part was finding it too hard to throw anything away. When my mind was at war, my body seemed to seek comfort and comfort was found in very few spots nowadays. The number one spot was, of course, Alex’s side.

“About coming to Lutherville?” Jack asked excitedly as his eyes widened.

“Stop pressuring her man,” Zack threw something at Jack, but it simple bounced off of him, not even phasing his upbeat expression. “Soon enough she’ll be dying to get away from you and then there’s no way she’ll come to Maryland.” Jack snapped his head back and glared.

“Delly loves me more than you!” Jack stuck out his tongue and then turned back to me with another adorable puppy pout.

“I haven’t made up my mind just yet, Jackaroo,” I sighed and gently pulled myself from Alex’s side. I felt his stare as I sat up and his arms drifted from around me. “I think I’m going to go for a walk though,” at my words Alex immediately started to sit forward with me, probably planning to accompany me. “I don’t think so mister,” I turned and pushed Alex’s shoulders back to the couch, tucking the blanket we’d been cuddled under around him. “You stay on the bus, my orders,” I smirked a little at his frustrated expression and leaned in to kiss his cheek. Alex was having a hard time without a voice. He tried carrying around a pad and pencil but couldn’t really keep a hand on either. “I’ll be back in less than an hour, I promise,” I whispered close to his ear before I pulled back and stood up, slipping on my flats.

“I’ll come with you,” Jack bounced up on his heels and took about three long strides to the door.

“You have freakishly long legs and no, you won’t,” I observed as it took me six or seven steps to get to the door. Jack looked down at his legs confused.

“My legs are not freakishly long,” he defended and then looked back up at me with mock hurt. “And yes, I am going.”

“You realize it took me six steps and you three to come from the couch?” I raised an eyebrow at him. Jack raised a finger and opened his mouth, but then closed it seconds later. “Yeah, that’s what I thought, and no, you’re not coming. I’ll be fine,” I grinned and put up two fists like I was a boxer. “Matt and Zack have been showing me a few moves,” I giggled and lightly punched Jack’s arm, which he rubbed.

“Zack!” Jack shouted and looked over his shoulder at the boy eating a bowl of cereal. “How can you be putting thoughts in her mind like that! Like she could actually knock a guy on his ass,” he scoffed and I considered trying out a few moves on him, but quickly dismissed the idea.

“She knocked Matt on his back yesterday,” Zack shrugged and then laughed while Jack’s mouth dropped opened.

“Okay, you can go,” Jack quickly jumped out of my way, making me giggle and shake my head.

“Don’t worry Jack Jack; I promise not to use my awesome skills against you,” I grinned as I slipped in my ear phones and headed out the door. I heard Jack yell ‘told you she loved me more’ before the door closed firmly.

It was nice to walk around. We must have been somewhere up north because the air was light instead of sticky and there was a small hint of a breeze. I walked past bus after bus, spying the scrawled signatures of the boys here and there, while I let my mind drift to the music.

I stopped short of the bus that lay in front of me. I hated the feeling that filled my body as I stared at it. There was fear and dread mixed with nostalgia and homesick. I wanted to throw up, but I didn’t. Instead, all my thoughts seemed to clear like a picture in front of me.

I took a deep breath and shut my iPod off. My heart seemed to be beating out of my chest as I approached the bus, slipping my iPod into my back pocket and timidly knocked on the door.

The door was answered by a very shocked Austin. “Dell,” his voice was mixed with a bit of happiness and a lot of uneasiness. “I don’t think you should be here, right now.” Austin scratched the back of his neck like he always did when he was nervous.

“I’m not here to stir up anything; I just want to grab the few things I left,” I stated as firmly as I could. I was determined to be expressionless, to not let these boys get to me.

“Um, yeah, okay,” Austin smiled, a real smile, liked there was nothing unusual or awful about me stepping on the bus. “I miss you, by the way,” he muttered lowly as I passed him. It brought a small smile to my face, but I quickly pressed my lips firmly together in a line. Mark was sitting on the couch with Caleb. Kent was eating a sandwich at the kitchen booth and Kyle was just coming out from the bunk area, hair in all directions. All eyes were on me.

“What are you doing here?” Kyle hissed and crossed his arms over his chest, standing in front of the back hallway. There was a dark storm in his pretty blue eyes.

“I just came to pick up the rest of my things,” my lips didn’t twitch, my voice didn’t crack, and my eyes didn’t change. I kept it calm and emotionless, though I was a mess inside.

“I thought you took all your shit when you snuck your way into some other guys bunk,” Kyle spat, trying to open a wound.

“I’m sure there’s some shit I left around here,” I didn’t mean for it to be sarcastic, but by the angry haze that covered his eyes I knew he took it that way. “I’ll be gone in just a minute,” I mumbled and maneuvered around him. I found it amazing that I made it so I didn’t even touch Kyle, more for his benefit than mine. I’d love to feel his hand run through my hair. I quickly shook the thought from my mind.

I let down my emotionless wall down now that I was in the back alone. My lips turned downward as I bent down to the bottom draw and pulled it out; looking for my one duffel bag I’d left.

“Dell?” I tilted my head back and let another small smile slip. “What are you doing?” He bent down beside me while I turned my attention back to the draw.

“Just grabbing the last of my things,” I sighed and pulled the duffel bag out, quickly unzipping it and checking the inside contents. “I was in a rush last time I left so I didn’t take everything.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jonathan’s voice lowered while I pushed the draw back in. “I kept what I could find in my bunk.” He stood up slowly as I did and then pulled back a curtain to his bunk. There was a small pile of my clothes at the bottom and a few other miscellaneous items. “Kind of makes me seem like a stalker, but nobody else wanted reminders of you just lying around. Kyle actually wanted to throw them away after, you know,” he trailed off awkwardly. Kyle’s name brought up my invincible wall again.

“Thanks for not; I’m going to need as much clothing as I can get.” I slipped out and my eyes widened just a fraction as I stuffed the items from the bunk into my duffel bag.

“So, why the sudden inertest in getting all your stuff off the bus?” Jonathan seemed to not notice my slip up as he followed me to the bathroom.

I took a death breath in as I bent down to the cabinet below the sink. “I’m going home,” it wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth. I’d made up my mind when I was standing outside the bus, and now it was time to follow through.

“But, tour’s not over,” his eyebrows scrunched together with confusion as he watched me pile my girly products into my bag.

“I know. I’m going to take a break from tour for a while, and just go home,” I shrugged and stood up, checking the sink and behind the mirror for anything else I might have left behind.

“I’m going to miss you,” he mumbled and stepped into the bathroom when I stood up, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I was trying so hard not to cry and not to show any emotion, but I couldn’t stop myself form hugging him back.

“I’ll miss you too,” my voice trembled as I fought against it and squeezed Jonathan as hard as I could.

“It’s only two weeks,” Jonathan said the words uncertainly. He could feel the gloomy vibe coming from me but couldn’t quite place why it was there.

“Yeah, only two weeks,” I nodded and pulled away from him, the expressionless façade falling back into place as I walked around him. I headed for the back to do another quick over look. There wasn’t much I’d left since there wasn’t much I’d taken on tour, but I grabbed it and went for the front.

I didn’t bother with the kitchen, but glanced around the front area, trying not to make eye contact with any of the boys.

“So, what’s up Adele?” Mark spoke in the middle of the thick tension. I had to cough over the light chuckles from his obvious attempt to make this less awkward.

“Nothing much,” I bent down and picked up a few movies. It was dead silent in the bus and I knew all their eyes were on me.

“How’re you doing?” Kent piped up from his spot in the booth. I couldn’t smile at him now, not with everyone around. I had to keep everything together.

“Can’t complain, much,” I added after a second. I didn’t want to complain either, especially not to these boys. They deserved millions of apologies, not complaints.

“It’s nice to see you,” Austin talked through a mouthful of food, forcing me to stifle my giggles again.

“Nice to see you guys too,” I hated how polite it sounded. It didn’t sound like we were good friends, it sounded like we were acquaintances. “I’ll just be going now,” I sighed and zipped the duffel bag up, throwing the strap over my head. “I love you guys,” I ignored the scoff from Kyle and headed for the door. I stopped just short of it and pulled out my cell phone from my back pocket, setting it lightly on top of the television.

I stepped off the bus with a shudder. I was still trying to keep up the block wall as I walked but I could feel it slowly slipping away.

“Adele!” My breath caught as I turned toward my name. Caleb was jogging toward me, a disgruntled expression on his features. I hadn’t let my gaze linger on him back in the bus, but now that he stood before me with my full attention, I could see dark circles starting to form under his eyes.

“Hi Caleb,” I greeted briskly, wishing I could run to my safety zone before I ended up in tears.

“Listen, I just wanted to apologize for the other day,” I was no longer able to keep my emotions at bay and I’m sure the shock showed clearly on my face. Caleb stared at the ground and kicked a bit of dirt with his shoe. “I didn’t mean the things I said. I was overacting a lot, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s my fault,” I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest.

“It’s just as much my fault; I did throw myself at you, and you did try to say no. I just didn’t listen.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Don’t worry about it; what happened happened,” I nodded briefly and took a step back. I didn’t like hearing him apologize. It didn’t sound right. “I’ve got to go now,” I pointed backwards and continued to take small steps back.

“Oh, alright,” Caleb took one step back toward the bus and squinted his eyes. “I’ll see you around then,” he smiled a little and I did my best to return it before I turned and headed back.

I wasn’t sure of my feelings since they were all mixed together. I was steadfast in my decision, but as I had foreseen, it was still hard. I stepped back on All Time Low’s bus with my bag on my shoulder and smiled brightly as the boys stared at me.

“I’m coming to Maryland.” I raised my hands and giggled as their eyes widened.

“Fuck yes!” Jack yelled and tackled me to the ground. “We’re going to have so much fun!”

“I know!” I giggled and hugged him fiercely. “But I still have to stop by Texas before I come,” a sudden thought crossed my mind and I pushed Jack away a bit. “Wait, where am I going to stay?”

“You can stay with me and Alex!” Jack jumped up and pulled me from the ground. “Why do you have to go to Texas?” I giggled as Jack strung Texas out with a fake southern drawl.

“I’ve got to pack my shit and send it over to Lutherville,” I rolled my eyes and then squealed as Jack threw me over his shoulder.

“Delly’s coming home with me!” He shouted over and over, skipping from one side of the bus to the other. Zack was laughing hysterically while Alex clutched his stomach, still not making a sound.

“Put me the fuck down! Your bony ass shoulder is killing my ovaries!” I groaned and slapped Jack’s butt the best I could, though I’m sure it hurt me more than it did him. “Mother fucker,” I grumbled and clung to my wrist. Jack chuckled as he turned and started toward the back of the bus when I heard the front door open.

“What the fuck?” My head popped up at Matt’s voice. Matt and Rian stood at the top of the stairs, both staring at me.

“Save me!” I thrust my hand out like I was grabbing for them. Rian laughed and Matt chuckled.

“Put Delly down Jack,” Matt was still chuckling lightly as he stepped forward and grabbed my hands, slowing Jack down as he almost went running with me again.

“Aw, you’re ruining my fun,” Jack whined as he slowly put me down. I squealed when my feet hit the ground and immediately ran behind Matt, clutching to him as I peeked over his shoulder.

“Yeah, I know, I crashed the party. Now why were you carrying Delly and why is she hiding behind me now?” Matt glanced over his shoulder at me while I tried my best to give him cute puppy eyes.

“Delly’s coming to Lutherville!” Jack yelled and threw his hands up in the air as he squatted. I giggled at his strange position and then squealed again as a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and picked me up off the ground again. It was Alex, of course.

“That’s great!” Matt turned around with a bright smile on his face, though I didn’t get to see it very much since someone started to spin me in circles.

“Alex, please stop; I’m already about to be sick all over this bus,” I groaned and clutched at his hands. Alex quickly set me down, keeping his hands on my hips while he rested his chin on my shoulder.

“So, for real, you’re coming?” I was now facing Rian as he raised both his eyebrows at me. I nodded as Alex’s hands squeezed my sides excitedly, kissing my cheek as well. “Oh shit,” he muttered and embraced me in a hug, even though Alex wouldn’t let go of my hips. “Kara is going to be so excited; she’s dying to meet you.”

“I’m excited to meet her too,” I grinned and patted his back before he pulled away from me, “since I hear such good things about her.”

“We are going to have a fucking blast!” Jack shouted again and went for my waist with his shoulder. My eyes widened as I instinctively turned in Alex’s arms, throwing my arms around his neck as I clung to him.

“That is, if she makes it to Maryland before you kill her,” Zack laughed while I felt Jack’s arms wrap around both me and Alex.