How To Hold On

Prologue

The blood was pounding in my ears, I couldn’t focus on anything. I was being led away to the world I wasn’t afraid of but ready to accept it. Before the full effect of the pills could kick in I head the door open. “Liddy, Liddy wake up? Make me some dinner.”

I didn’t stir, I didn’t want to listen but I could do nothing but that. “Get the fuck up, you lazy bitch,” she came close to me and kicked me. I felt nothing, I wanted to laugh I wanted to say “HA! YOU CAN’T HURT ME ANYMORE!!!”

I didn’t move, or flinch, or groan or say anything at all. Then it kicked in the pea size brain of hers I wasn’t there, I was leaving. “Fuck, what the hell did you do? Damn it, where’s the damn phone?” She wasn’t letting me go. I wanted to go I was ready I was done.

“Hello, hi, oh my god you have to help me, I just found my daughter,” she let out a fake cry, “I don’t know what’s wrong with her….yes there’s a bottle of aspirin next to her…I don’t fucking know how many she took…ok I’ll be here.” I zoned in and out of the conversation.

“Ha, you think you’re fucking dying. I don’t think so, I gave you life I’m going to take it away from you, when I want you to die,” her voice was the last thing I heard, before I was moved from the middle of my floor, in the middle of a town, with no name no importance. I just wanted to die and I could be left alone.

Why can’t I die in dignity? Why can’t I go when I want to?