Love's Requiem

“What the fuck?” Jesse exclaimed while we were out for lunch a few days before I was leaving again for tour.

I had just explained what had happened between Alex and I.

“I mean I guess he had a point.” I sighed taking a sip of my wine.

“Maybe, but you still don’t talk to someone like that! May I join you on this tour just for an
hour?” He asked me.

“No, besides you’re leaving in what a week for Europe?” I asked him.

“You’re not fun.” He mumbled to me rolling his eyes.

“I’m thinking about selling my car or like trading it in or something.” I told him.

“What are you fucking insane? That’s a brand new ’09 Lexus!” He exclaimed shaking his head.

“Maybe I’ll ride that bike Frankie got me for my birthday everywhere.” I said more to myself.

“It’s official, you’re an idiot.” He sighed shaking my head.

I had been refusing to even go near the car. Why? Like you had probably guessed it, because it was a gift from Alex. And I was still trying to convince myself that I didn’t need him anymore nor would I want anything more than a friendship with him. Let’s face the facts, I’m too proud for my own good and I can never admit I’m wrong.

I met the guys at the airport the next morning and we left for Los Angles where this tour would be starting. Alex still pretty much was avoiding any possibility to have a conversation with me, so I figured I’d be better off giving him his space, let alone as I was making copies of the set list for the first show I noticed a new addition that wasn’t on Nothing Personal or any other albums, something called “Toxic Valentine”.

“New song?” I asked Jack while I was headed back to the bus.

“Yeah, we did it for that new Megan Fox movie.” Jack explained.

“Ah, when I was in Croatia?” I asked as he nodded as I headed back to work.

For some odd reason I had a bad feeling in my stomach about that song, I couldn’t explain why but I just did. That night, I watched from the merch booth with Vinny, which had now become the norm for me.

“We have a new song that we want to play for you guys tonight!” Alex exclaimed mid-set.

“Shit,” I sighed as I sat on the merch table taking the money while Vinny grabbed the merch that who ever was up wanted.

“She's got a target painted on her back, and keeps a list of the qualities a good girl lacks.
She bites her lip and tips her bottle; I take a drink 'cause the truth is hard to swallow.” Alex
began the song.

And then the chorus kicked in…

“Sex and white lies, handcuffs and alibis, she lays her halo on the pillow where she sleeps. Her heart beats, red wine, my toxic valentine. Lays her halo on the pillow that used to be mine.”

And as I had predicted my bad gut feeling was right, great so now I’m toxic, I thought as I listened even more carefully as the song went on.

“I live a lifestyle full of first impressions. I've got my hands full of unhealthy obsessions. She bites my lip; I'm sure to follow. We take a drink to the guilty and the hollow.”

It seemed after that first night Jack and Rian had taken it as their personal job to get Alex and me at least on friend terms again, because every day at least twice Jack would be nagging at me, and Rian at Alex to get us to try and talk to each other.

“He needs his space.” I told Jack shaking my head.

“It’s been a month since it happened and it’s already been a week in to this tour. I think you’ve given him enough space, all you have to say is Alex I love you.” Jack persuaded.

“No dude, she fucked him what’s the point?” I heard Alex exclaimed from the back of the bus.

“Night!” I grumbled giving up and going in my bunk.