‹ Prequel: Everything I'm Not
Love's Requiem
Don't it feel good?
An hour later I was doing my make up while Jack was in the shower, and I had changed in to a long sleeved black dress, tights, and these red cowboy boots I had bought in St. marks before the tour and Frankie thought it was the ugliest pair of shoes I owned.
“Wow Bella, cowboy boots really?” Jack laughed as he came out of the bathroom showered and changed.
“Not you too!” I whined putting on some red lip-gloss, and my jacket. “I’m ready.”
Now, the only key events I remember that followed were this; I remember getting to a bar, I remember drinking a whole lot of vodka and red bulls, I remember yelling at Vinny for something involving the Yankees, and everything else is a blur. The following morning however I woke up throwing my guts up in the bathroom which ended up waking Jack up, who came in the bathroom a few minutes later.
“Did I get hurt again yesterday, my right arm hurts like fuck.” I groaned with my eyes still clenched shut.
“Nope, you decided last night you needed another tattoo.” Jack explained sitting on the side of the bathtub.
“I did what?” I exclaimed as my eyes went wide. “Why didn’t you stop me?”
“There would be no living with you if we did.”
“Okay, I said calmly looking at the bandage on my the backside of my right arm. “Do you know what I got?”
“To an extent.”
“Does it involve any sort of guy’s name?”
“No, definitely not.” He assured me as I took off the bandage.
“Okay, well that’s comforting.” I sighed in relief as I turned my arm and started at the newly
inked script along my arm’s backside.
Ja sam kraj svijeta
I let out a chuckle; okay I guess that is pretty fitting.
“What’s so funny, what does that mean?” Jack asked as I washed my arm and we went back to our beds.
“I am the end of the world.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” He sighed.
“Exactly!” I laughed at how he didn’t even realize he had just said the song title of where I had gotten it. “What happened last night anyway?” I asked him as I got back in to my bed for
a few more hours of sleep before we had to leave for the next city.
“Somethings are better off left unsaid.” He said with a yawn as I closed my eyes.
“Works for me.” I mumbled falling asleep again.
“Do you still hate me?” Vinny asked me after everything was packed up in the bus and trailer and I had just walked on to the bus as we left the hotel.
“I hate you?” I said confused as I took off my jacket.
“You did last night, you told me we couldn’t be friends anymore because I like the Yankees and no body from Queens likes the Yankees.” He joked as I sat at the table shaking my head.
“Whatever I said last night I don’t remember so I’m going to go with I didn’t mean any of it.” I told him yawning.
“What’d you think of the tat?”
“Greatest drunken act in the history of me drinking.” I laughed.
About two hours in to the drive I was pulling out a drink from the fridge as well as the jelly to make a sandwich when Alex came to the front.
“You want?” I asked Alex as I reached for the peanut butter.
“Sure, new tattoo?” He asked looking at my arm.
“Apparently,” I nodded, “I am the end of the world.” I said knowing what the next thing he was going to ask me would be.
“Cool, what’d you do last night?”
“Don’t remember, you?”
“Just chilled, you know.”
“Right.” I nodded passing him a sandwich wrapped in a napkin.
“What?”
“Nothing” I said shaking my head as I took a seat across from him to eat mine.
“Tell me.”
“Nothing to tell.” I shrugged and ate as I saw Vinny head to the back, as if he had foreseen
what was about to happen.
“We’re not together so why should it be any of your business what I do?”
“Well for one I’m your tour manager so I only need to know where you are if you’re now where you’re supposed to be when you’re supposed to be there. Other than that I don’t care what you do, just hope you were smart and used something.” I said getting up to go in the back.
“Trust me, I wouldn’t make the same mistake you did.” He said coldly to me as I just bit my tongue and stormed to my bunk after throwing out the sandwich I had seeing as my appetite was officially just lost.
The rest of that tour was a blur, I was pissed off at Alex every other day and I think he loved every second of it. One week left on this tour, and I was already counting down for the three I’d have in New York before we flew to Europe for a month.
“You realize you’re making all of us in the middle of your war right?” Jack asked me while him and I was getting lunch.
“I’m not doing anything!” I defended, “I’m being nice!”
“You act like he doesn’t exist outside of shows.”
“Like I said I’m being nice!”
“Because you love me can you just try and be friends with him? For all of us?”
“Fine,” I mumbled.
That night, Jack being the sneaky, devious person that he was managed to get everyone to disappear after the show so it was only Alex and I.
“Where is everyone?” Alex asked me as he walked on the bus while I was texting Michi.
“Mocking me.” I mumbled not looking up.
“Look Bella” He began as he took a seat next to me.
“It’s cool really, friends?” I asked him wincing as I felt his hand on my knee.
“But,” He began but then seemed to bite his tongue, “Okay.” He nodded as he got up and headed in to the back of the bus while I followed and went in to my bunk, to listen to my ipod and ignore the pain in my chest.
“Wow Bella, cowboy boots really?” Jack laughed as he came out of the bathroom showered and changed.
“Not you too!” I whined putting on some red lip-gloss, and my jacket. “I’m ready.”
Now, the only key events I remember that followed were this; I remember getting to a bar, I remember drinking a whole lot of vodka and red bulls, I remember yelling at Vinny for something involving the Yankees, and everything else is a blur. The following morning however I woke up throwing my guts up in the bathroom which ended up waking Jack up, who came in the bathroom a few minutes later.
“Did I get hurt again yesterday, my right arm hurts like fuck.” I groaned with my eyes still clenched shut.
“Nope, you decided last night you needed another tattoo.” Jack explained sitting on the side of the bathtub.
“I did what?” I exclaimed as my eyes went wide. “Why didn’t you stop me?”
“There would be no living with you if we did.”
“Okay, I said calmly looking at the bandage on my the backside of my right arm. “Do you know what I got?”
“To an extent.”
“Does it involve any sort of guy’s name?”
“No, definitely not.” He assured me as I took off the bandage.
“Okay, well that’s comforting.” I sighed in relief as I turned my arm and started at the newly
inked script along my arm’s backside.
Ja sam kraj svijeta
I let out a chuckle; okay I guess that is pretty fitting.
“What’s so funny, what does that mean?” Jack asked as I washed my arm and we went back to our beds.
“I am the end of the world.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” He sighed.
“Exactly!” I laughed at how he didn’t even realize he had just said the song title of where I had gotten it. “What happened last night anyway?” I asked him as I got back in to my bed for
a few more hours of sleep before we had to leave for the next city.
“Somethings are better off left unsaid.” He said with a yawn as I closed my eyes.
“Works for me.” I mumbled falling asleep again.
“Do you still hate me?” Vinny asked me after everything was packed up in the bus and trailer and I had just walked on to the bus as we left the hotel.
“I hate you?” I said confused as I took off my jacket.
“You did last night, you told me we couldn’t be friends anymore because I like the Yankees and no body from Queens likes the Yankees.” He joked as I sat at the table shaking my head.
“Whatever I said last night I don’t remember so I’m going to go with I didn’t mean any of it.” I told him yawning.
“What’d you think of the tat?”
“Greatest drunken act in the history of me drinking.” I laughed.
About two hours in to the drive I was pulling out a drink from the fridge as well as the jelly to make a sandwich when Alex came to the front.
“You want?” I asked Alex as I reached for the peanut butter.
“Sure, new tattoo?” He asked looking at my arm.
“Apparently,” I nodded, “I am the end of the world.” I said knowing what the next thing he was going to ask me would be.
“Cool, what’d you do last night?”
“Don’t remember, you?”
“Just chilled, you know.”
“Right.” I nodded passing him a sandwich wrapped in a napkin.
“What?”
“Nothing” I said shaking my head as I took a seat across from him to eat mine.
“Tell me.”
“Nothing to tell.” I shrugged and ate as I saw Vinny head to the back, as if he had foreseen
what was about to happen.
“We’re not together so why should it be any of your business what I do?”
“Well for one I’m your tour manager so I only need to know where you are if you’re now where you’re supposed to be when you’re supposed to be there. Other than that I don’t care what you do, just hope you were smart and used something.” I said getting up to go in the back.
“Trust me, I wouldn’t make the same mistake you did.” He said coldly to me as I just bit my tongue and stormed to my bunk after throwing out the sandwich I had seeing as my appetite was officially just lost.
The rest of that tour was a blur, I was pissed off at Alex every other day and I think he loved every second of it. One week left on this tour, and I was already counting down for the three I’d have in New York before we flew to Europe for a month.
“You realize you’re making all of us in the middle of your war right?” Jack asked me while him and I was getting lunch.
“I’m not doing anything!” I defended, “I’m being nice!”
“You act like he doesn’t exist outside of shows.”
“Like I said I’m being nice!”
“Because you love me can you just try and be friends with him? For all of us?”
“Fine,” I mumbled.
That night, Jack being the sneaky, devious person that he was managed to get everyone to disappear after the show so it was only Alex and I.
“Where is everyone?” Alex asked me as he walked on the bus while I was texting Michi.
“Mocking me.” I mumbled not looking up.
“Look Bella” He began as he took a seat next to me.
“It’s cool really, friends?” I asked him wincing as I felt his hand on my knee.
“But,” He began but then seemed to bite his tongue, “Okay.” He nodded as he got up and headed in to the back of the bus while I followed and went in to my bunk, to listen to my ipod and ignore the pain in my chest.