If I Was Perfect Then This Would Be Easy

I was furious. No, not just furious, I was fuming. Michelle was getting on my nerves even more as days passed. If she wasn't playing with Corey's mind, then she was hitting on Brian or Jack. Jack was obviously disturbed by this and because of the love he had for Val, he was persistant when it came to keeping all other women at distance.

Brian, however, showed no signs of disturbance. In contrary, he loved every bit of female company he got, then came back to me like nothing was going on. I really didn't understand his weird behaviour and I sensed that it wouldn't take him long before he'd push me away. I began hating every minute with his arrogant self.

As usually, I started building walls around me, thinking that when the moment we broke up came, at least it won't hurt as much. The more optimistic I was, the more it would hurt.

A knock on the door was heard and I slowly stood up from the couch to answer it. The person on the other side was clearly impatient, as they began knocking continuously.

"Can you fucking wait?! Jesus!" I blurted as I opened the door. "Brian," I noticed as he smirked and leaned against the doorframe. I smiled wamly.

"I take it you're a bit pissed off?" I shook my head.

"No, just bored. Sorry about that. Come on in." He did as told and as soon as he got in my living room, he plopped himself on the couch. It was then that I noticed the tensed air and I soon began feeling slightly awkward. It was more than just odd, mainly because Brian and I didn't usually have such moments. I sat on the couch next to him and he glanced at me, coming closer.

"You alright?" I asked slowly. He gave me a 'why the fuck shouldn't I be alright?' look.

"Of course. Look, I just wanted to say goodbye. We're leaving to LA tomorrow, so you won't see us for about a week or less. Val and Michelle are coming with us, too."

"Oh," I muttered looking at the floor.

"What do you mean 'oh'?" His sharp tone took me by a suprise and my head snapped in his direction quickly. It felt like knives had went through my heart.

"No, I meant I wasn't expecting the girls to go with you, too," I defended. I really was in no mood to argue, but Brian was. He was obviously looking for an arguement. He huffed.

"So what? Now you're jealous on Michelle or something?!" He retorted. "That's like fucking cheap!"

"Brian, what the fuck?! I am most certainly not jealous on that slut and I'll never be! It's not like I care if she wants to fuck you! Seriously, go fuck her if that's what you want!" I was ranting and letting out all the anger gathered up.

"You're talking bullshit," Brian stated before walking to the door angrily.

"Am I? Because these past days you've sure been enjoying her company. Oh, and not just her company, but of other females as well."

He spun around and glared at me, anger obviously building up. "See?! You're fucking jealous! And jealousy is fucking disgusting!" He paused to catch his breath. "You think this is easy for me? Do you?! Because it's not!"

"Easy?! No one said it was going to be fucking easy! Oh wait, is that what you were expecting? For everything to be just a walk in the park? Well, I'm sorry I didn't go down to your slut standards!"

"Jesus, you're just so fucking difficult!" he boomed. "You think you know it all! You're under the false impression that you're something better, an improved version of humanity. Well, get this: you're just like everyone else, you fucking star!"

Tears were gathering. I felt them. But no way in hell was I letting them fall. Why was he even doing this to me?!

"Fuck you, Brian! I was so fucking right about you since the first day I met you." I slamed the door open. "You know what? Go fuck whoever you want and leave me out of your fucking personal life!" His face fell but I refused to look at him. Before I knew it, he had already punched the wall before storming out, leaving me staring frightened at the damage similar to the one in my heart.

Jack came home relatively late that night. But when he did, he instantly sensed something was wrong. After telling him bits of the story, he pulled me into a tight brotherly embrace that clearly told me he didn't want to let me get hurt again.

Despite my tough appearance, I felt lost somehow. Brian didn't want me.

* * *

"Thanks for the ride, Dom." He smiled at me widely.

"Not a problem, darling. It was my pleasure," he replied as I got out of his car.

"Domino, you sure you're okay?"

"Are you kidding me? I'm perfectly fine. I'll just go home and get something to eat and after that, I'll be alive and well," he rambled.

"Fine. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Go get some rest."

"Will do, ma'am!" With that, he took off and I began walking towards Cate's front door. As I knocked twice, the April breeze began messing around with my hair and it was rather annoying. The door opened wide and Cate appeared in the middle of the doorstep, a wide smile plastered on her face.

"Hello there, milady," she greeted and I chuckled lightly, shaking my head as I walked in. I began taking my coat off while she went ahead in the kitchen. I ran after her and my jaw dropped at the sight of Mrs Danvers leaning against the kitchen counter, revealing that smile I had always adored. Cate chuckled and Dora spread her arms wide open, approaching me.

"Lexa, my dear princess, how long it has been! Come give this old hag a hug!" I let out a laugh and hugged Cate's mother dearly.

"It's been quite a while, hasn't it?" She nodded, smiling.

"Well, Cate has visited me in San Francisco every now and then, but you and the boys have gone MIA," she pointed out. I gave her an apologetic look and she smiled.

"So, girls, what are we up to tonight?" she enquired with a smile. I had honestly missed these sort of nights. Back when we were kids, we would do sleepover parties as often as we could, Cate's mother being the master mind who planned everything to details. That woman was a saint.

"Well, mom, I'm going to get dressed and then, Lexa and I are going to show you the surroundings." Dora threw her hands in the air excitedly and clapped.

"I can't wait. Now go get ready, kitty, we can't waste any time!" I chuckled at that woman's hyperness. She was so young for someone her age. I sat at the table facing Dora as we both waited in silence. I looked at my hands, but felt her gaze resting on me. Eventually, I was the one to give up and looked at her as I sighed.

"Don't give me that look, Lexa," she warned. "How's your life been?"

"Full of events," I aknowledged. "We're currently working on our record with the help of another band who are friends of ours." She smiled.

"But I meant you."

"I'm okay. Still hanging in there." She nodded, seemingly understanding. I had a feeling Cate had already told her everything, so I didn't feel like saying anything else.

"How about good boy Jack?" she taunted. I smirked and she gave a mischevious look. "Ah, I see there's something going on. Tell me."

"Well, he's met a fantastic girl. Her name's Valary and she's amazing. He's really happy about her and about the band." I could feel myself smile wider and wider and get even more excited with every word. "His birthday's coming soon." I grinned.

"I know! That's part of the reason I'm town. I already missed last year's celebration, so I can't afford not being here this year." She winked at me right before Cate walked in.

"I'm ready," she sang as she came next to us. Needless to say, all three of us walked towards Cate's car and we went to our favorite spot: the beach.

And for the first time in a very long time, I allowed memories to flood my mind in the company of that sweet lady and my best friend.

I sighed as Cate and I sat on her bed.

"What can we do?"

"I have to get Jack out of here."

"How much do you need?" The door was suddenly opened and Dora entered the room slowly and gave me a stern look.

"Lexa, do you need money again?" Dora enquired. A much younger version of myself stood up and looked around, sensing getting caught.

"I...no!" I responded as if it were most obvious thing possible."

My thoughts then flew to Brian and Michelle. Ever since we argued, they grew really close. I tried to deny that I missed him, but I couldn't. And yet, I didn't want him anymore. Not because I didn't feel attracted to him. Dear God, I was. But from some other reason, I wasn't going back to him.

He had hurt me. He had proved me that we weren't right together.

And that was how two continuous months of my life went on. Brian and I spoke to eachother, but only when it came to business or laughing of others. I decided to focus on my band like I should have and we began working at a faster rate.

I had to admit I was sort of missing the close relationship between me and Brian, but I began pushing my longing away by keeping my mind busy with so many other things.