If I Was Perfect Then This Would Be Easy

I looked at the ceiling extremely pissed off, the disappointment becoming almost overwhelming. I always loved my dreams and I was actually fascinated by dreams in general because I believed they meant something.

And still, the source of my sorrow was last night's dream, which was ruined by none other than Brian. I dreamt I had jumped from a tall cliff and into the beautiful blue ocean. I wasn't afraid, though, I was enjoying every minute. But before I had reached the water, someone caught my arm and everything around me disappeared. As I looked up, I felt myself frowning and struggled to get away from Brian's grip. Seeing as this had no effect, I tried to yell at him, but failed in this attempt as well.

"Let me help." His mouth didn't even move as those words rang, but I nevertheless pulled myself out of the dream.

Of course, it had become like an obsession to me, thinking about Brian. But him showing up in my dreams was really out of the line. He couldn't have had such an influence on me. And why was I even bothering to worry about him? Was I having doubts about my decision to keep the hell away from him?

But after all, it was his fault, I decided. Why did he have to end everything so soon?

"I know what I want, I know what I want," I chanted while walking into the kitchen. I had to admit I began to have doubts regarding my character. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted as I looked at the calendar.

June 13th

Two squares further, under the date of June 15th laid written in bright purple the words Cracker Jack!!!. I had been waiting for this happy moment for the past two fucked up months. A smile spread on my face, yet at the same time, I hit my forehead with my palm. How could I have forgotten about his birthday party? In a blink of an eye I found my phone and instantly dialled Cate.

"Kitty, we have to take this week off." She seemed rather taken aback by the seriosity in my tone and paused about fifteen seconds, probably looking at her calendar as well.

"Oh my God! It's Jackie's b'day!" she squealed. I was suprised to hear a male voice somewhere near her.

"Baby, what's going on?" The voice could only be Matt's. I tried to stiffle a laugh and forced myself to be serious. I heard some movement and Cate gratiously announced me I was on speaker.

"So, Ace, Matt's here." I could almost see the smile on Cate's face.

"Hi, Lexa!"

"'Sup, Shads?"

"It's all good. So..when exactly is The Ripper's birthday?"

"15th of June," Cate and I both replied. I snickered.

"So what's the plan, Senior?" I grinned widely at the name.

"Well, obviously a surprise party is required. We'll have to announce everyone about this, but we must be discrete. Also..." I paused, looking outside the window. "I was thinking of calling Chris," I mumbled slowly.

Silence was heard on the other end before Cate came with a monotone reply. "Wasn't he in Japan or something?"

I sighed. "Yeah, he was. But...I don't know, maybe he's back...I just...think it would be a great thing to have him here. Especially after all this time."

"That's a great idea, Lexa. If you want, Matt and I can call the rest of the guys in A7X and you can talk to our other two dickheads." I couldn't help but wonder if by 'the guys in A7X' she meant Brian, too.

"Sounds like a plan. Alright, I'll talk to you later, Cate. Bye, Matt."

"See ya, Ace."

I quickly hung up and called Dom, who was trying to hide the fact that he was equally excited about my baby brother's birthday. He offered to help me go shopping during the day and be my driver. How could I say no to the purple Camaro owner?

Trying to keep my excitement in hands, I ran to take a shower and get dressed. I sighed as I passed Jack's bedroom door. As time passed, he began spending more and more time over at Val's. He told me a couple of times how annoying it is sometimes to not be able to bring her over as often, mainly because our apartment wasn't that large and because I was there most of the time. I honestly felt guilty about this. Maybe it was time for me to move out and find a place of my own.

I locked the door and rushed outside, where my loyal friend was already waiting. Dom winked.

"So tell me again, what is all this commotion for?" he asked before taking a turn on PCH.

"Jack's birthday, you dope!" I replied smartly and snickered.

"Oh, right! Our baby's turning 23." Dom sighed dramatically and I laughed.

"Guess that means Corey will soon be the youngest duck in our pond," I noticed, making Dom snicker. The radio was turned on and I could hear the familiar sound of The Beatles during our moment of silence.

"Brian took me to a strip club last night," he suddenly declared in a rather nonchalant tone.

I don't know what bothered me more: the fact that once again, Brian managed to make his way into my conversations or the fact that Dom had started hanging out with him. Of course, I knew I had no right to stop him from wasting his time with an idiot. I mean, come on, he was spending most of his time with me, as well.

Without a doubt, I was taken completely by surprise and was left speechless for a good couple of minutes, staring dumbfounded at Dom. I wanted to express myself, but what the hell was I supposed to ask him? 'Why did you guys go to a strip club?' ?

"How come?" I finally blurted. He shrugged.

"I don't know. We were just having some drinks with Matt and when he left to go to Cate's, we headed to that club and got completely wasted." I nodded and sighed. I couldn't help but notice how the fun atmosphere that filled the car just minutes ago was replaced by silence and a very low conversation.

"You always pick the worst ones, Lex." My head snapped in the direction of Dom and I glared at him. "Don't give me that look because you know I'm damn right about this."

"Even if you were right and I'm not saying you are, what the hell do you want me to do?" I wasn't completely shocked by his accusations. Dom always had his way of being the first to 'read' the guys I would date.

"I don't know...Just...open those pretty eyes of yours and start looking for the right guy." He glanced at me expectantly, but I kept looking outside the window.

"Maybe I don't want to do that." Dom parked the car and gave me a raised eyebrow.

"Do whatever you want, but I'm not really sure about this...And Brian..." He paused with a sigh. "I warned you about him. He won't commit. Ever. At least that's what his drunken self told me."

I nodded and quickly got out of the car taking a deep breath. I didn't want to think about Brian. I was only supposed to spend several hours with Dom searching for balloons and all the shit we might need for the party.

***

"Oh hell no, I am not hiring a stripper for my brother."

"Why are you being so fucking mean? Jack doesn't have to keep her for himself, after all." Jimmy gave me a pleading look, begging me to dial the number. This little conversation of ours had been going on for the past fifteen minutes and seemed to be lasting for ages.

I groaned exasperated by his persistance and looked around for help. Of course, Dom and Johnny were siding with The Rev, while Corey, Zacky and Cate were laughing their asses off. We were currently in Zacky's place, waiting for Matt to give us some news and to talk about the surprise party, while Val had insisted for Jack to take her to the beach. Of course, it was all just to give us time. The door bell rang just as Jimmy started round two.

"You know, Jimmy bear, I highly doubt Leana will be pleased if she finds out you want a stripper this bad." Jimmy suddenly flung his arm around my shoulders and kept me tight.

"True, but what Leana doesn't know can't hurt her." I gasped at his demonic tone.

"You pervert!" I punched his arm. "You would actually cheat on your girlfriend!"

"And you only found this out now?" came Matt's voice from somewhere behind me. He pulled me into a tight embrace. "Howdy, rockstar." Before I could cheerfully reply to his salute, my eyes met with Brian's as he stepped in the living room and sat on the couch. I ripped my gaze away from Gates and returned to Matt.

"Hi there. So what's the news you have for me?" Matt let go of me and smiled widely.

"Well...I know you weren't still decided on exactly where to have the party, but Gates and I know this guy at a bar where we used to go all the fucking time and he said we could rent the fucking place for as long as we want." Matt finished with a smile, showing those cute dimples of his.

My jaw dropped. "Seriously? Oh my God, Matt, thank you so much!" I squealed before hugging Matt tightly. "This is so awesome!" I heard Cate's laugh from the direction of the couch.

"Now hold on, I'm not the only one you have to thank," Shads retorted with a snicker. As if on cue, Brian and I looked at eachother suddenly. Why did I have a feeling that everyone was trying to get me and Brian back together?

"Oh. Uhm...thanks, Brian. It...really means alot." I don't think he was expecting my calm and honest voice because of the shocked look on his face. At first, he opened his mouth, but no sound came out of it.

"I...It's really no problem, Ace." I smiled and turned my attention to Dom, who was already staring suspiciously at Brian. Luckily, I don't think anyone actually noticed that.

"Well, Dom and I did some shopping today. We only have to figure out how to plan the day after tomorrow."

"Booze all day!" Jimmy boomed, more happy than I had ever seen him.

"Now hold on," Cate intervened. "You know my mom wanted to make something special for Jack, so it would be nice if you could at least drop by our place first and after that, we can just head to the bar.

"Hell yeah!" Corey and Dom cheered and high-fived eachother. Cate glared daggers at them and I started laughing, while everyone else looked at us confused.

"We'll explain later," Corey chimed in. "Besides, Lex, I want to be the first to say 'happy birthday' to Jackie. Oh well, maybe the second."

Brian's voice interrupted the commotion and to me it felt like it was suddenly the only voice I could hear. "I think it would be right if we left the morning of his birthday to Jack and his family," he stated, while glancing at me. "And after that, you can all come to the bar, where we'll be waiting for you with some other guests. How 'bout that?"

I was silent, trying to remind myself that it was Brian who had came up with this kind suggestion. It was a side of him I didn't know very well, although I had seen it a couple of times. It was, however, that soft side of his that made me smile. I inhaled sharply and smiled thankfully, yet rather distantly.

"That's a great idea."

Brian managed to make me confused. For two fucking months he had kept his arrogant style in front of me and now he was suddenly acting nice?