A Naked Light

I shut Jack's bedroom door behind me and sighed. I listened for the lock to sound and when it did, I began walking down the hall to my room, wiping my eyes of their exhaustion. I felt like a mother. Jack had fallen apart in my arms and after the entire ordeal I'd taken his hand and led him to his room, put him to bed and lain with him until he'd fallen asleep. More tears slipped from my eyes as his breathing steadied and his body rose and fell to a gentle palpitation. I then kissed his cheek and rolled off the side of the bed, on my way to my room when my father opened his bedroom door.

"Has World War 3 ended, or do I need to stay in there a little while longer?" he asked, gesturing to the room he stood in front of.

I shook my head and sighed. "No. It's over." The word held more meaning than I meant for it to.

"Over?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Lindsey made it sound like he's been cheating - which I know he hasn't - and now Alex is upset and it doesn't sound like something they can fix over milk and cookies."

Forcing a small smile, I followed him as he put his arm around me, leading me down the stairs to the kitchen. I sat down at the table, staring at my magazine, untouched for hours. The refrigerator door opened and closed swiftly and I was soon greeted with a large glass of milk and a plate of Mom's freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

Dad smiled, breaking a cookie in half and handing me the bigger piece. "There's nothing that milk and cookies can't fix."

I took it and dunked it in the milk, watching as the crumbs broke off and floated around in the ivory perfection. I bit into it, chocolate and cream, frost and warmth, all flowing into my mouth. As I chewed, I could feel every little bad feeling sink to the tip of my toes. I grinned ferociously, earning a burly chuckle from my father. I felt like a kid again.

"I have yet to see a problem that doesn't go running in the other direction at the sight of your mother's cookies."

I nodded, biting into another one. "She could put Mr. Christie outta business."

"And she has," he bragged proudly. "At least in this town. Nobody makes a better batch." He stopped his ludicrousness and leaned over, watching as I gulped down half of the glass. "But even she hit a few bumps along the way towards creating the perfect recipe."

I eyed him from over the tinted blue crystal. "Why do I get the feeling we're not talking about cookies anymore?"

"Because we're not."

I set down the milk and folded my arms over my chest. "Always to the point. What are we talking about, then?"

"You and Lindsey. And Alex."

I rolled my eyes.

"Don't give me that, Addison. Something's going on with you. You hated the fact they were getting married and now you're trying to get them back together? What's happened? Why the sudden change of heart?"

"What's it matter?" I huffed impatiently. "I already know Alex isn't going to leave Lindsey, so why fight it? He's gonna marry her whether anyone likes it or not, and just because they had a stupid little fight doesn't mean I should step in and make them hate each other anymore than they already do right now."

I could feel his icy blue eyes following me from behind those tortoise-shell frames.

"But you want to, don't you?"

I stared at what was left of the milk. It was no longer a flawless pool of alabaster; it housed clumps of cookie at the bottom of it and was now a deep shade of hazel. Something had collided with the original product and all it had left to show for itself was a disastrous mess. I looked up from the table.

"That doesn't matter."

"It matters a lot," he said gently. "It matters because you may have a point." He shook his head as I stared at him, my eyes wide and glazed with shock. "Love can be a hard thing to accept."

"I am not in love. Not in any way, shape or form."

"Oh, I've seen you in love, Addy," he said wistfully, as if he were recalling an old folk tale. He smiled, gazing out the kitchen's French doors and peering into the night. "I remember the first time I saw that look on your face. You had come home from soccer practise and you were so excited to tell us about the picture you'd taken. You were breathless, your hair was in tangles down your back, your cheeks were flushed," he looked over at me, "and you never looked more beautiful." My cheeks deepened as he continued, his eyes twinkling beneath the warm lighting. "You took that monstrosity of a camera out of your bag - the first digital camera you ever owned - and you flipped through dozens of pictures, but we all knew when you rested on that final photo, we knew it was the shot. I'd never seen anything like it; the way the sun rose over the hill and shone through those tree branches. It made every leaf sparkle like gold." His voice was barely above a whisper as he eyed the old oak in our backyard, wishing the moonlight would do something remotely close to what I had captured all those years ago. "You were in love then," he said softly, looking at me with livid eyes. "With that picture; you were so in love it was incredible. I hadn't seen you like that until just a few days ago, when I caught you looking at Alex." He smiled, his mouth teasing, his eyes creased and secretive. "I miss seeing you that happy, Addy." He wiped away the tear that had pooled in my eye with his thumb, rough and worn from decades of hard work. "I want to see you that happy again. Do what your heart tells you, kiddo." My heart stopped as he pressed a hand to it, touching it like a priceless treasure. "You'll never forgive yourself if you don't."

My voice caught in my throat, but I knew he didn't want me to respond. He merely sat there, watching as I listened to my heart, as I searched for some reason to this irrational situation. I jumped at the sound of my phone, earning another burly chuckle from my father. He grabbed the glasses and dish and walked over to the sink, rinsing them out as I answered the call.

"H-hello?" I managed, clearing my throat.

"Thank God you're still alive. Where are you?" Tori asked worriedly.

"I'm - shit - I'm still at home. I'm so sorry. I was talking with my dad and I completely lost track of time." I walked up to the doors and pressed a hand to the glass, watching the stars as they twinkled vicariously. "Things got pretty hectic today."

"I figured as much."

I arched a brow. "How? I didn't call you before."

"I have my ways. Look, babe, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not actually calling you to remind you to get your ass down here - which would be lovely - but like I said; not the primary reason for the call."

I ran a hand through my hair, tucking stray strands behind my ear. "Tor. Cut to the quick." I held my breath.

"Let's just say, as I was sipping my White Russian and eyeing guys, a familiar face wandered into the room, and I figured you would probably be concerned about his whereabouts."

"He isn't?"

I could practically hear her nodding through the speaker. "He's here, Addy, and he's been knockin' those bitches back for a good half hour now. I woulda called you sooner, but it seemed innocent enough," she paused to sip her drink, "until I saw him surrounded by half a dozen shooters."

I raced across the kitchen and planted a kiss on my dad's cheek before grabbing my keys and my leather jacket. "I'll be there in 20 minutes. Take care of him till then."

"Don't worry, Ads. I'll get enough pretzels in him to absorb a week's worth of liquid."

"Life. Savour. Truer words have never been spoken."

"Obviously. I'll see you soon."

I ended the call, slipping the phone into my pocket and accelerating down the freeway, determined to get to O'Malley's before things got any worse.

"Oh Alex, the things you get yourself into."

The moment my hands touched the wood panelling of the revolving door, I could feel the nostalgia seep into my skin. The smell of alcohol, sweat and brooding hit me like a fever I just couldn't shake. My eyes darted around the local hot spot and the sudden tug of my sleeve frightened me out of my wits. I looked over, relieved to see Tori at my side and less relieved to still not know where Alex was. It didn't take long for me to find him; the self-pity and wallowing was hard to miss.

"He's had seven tequila shots, and not even the sexy, steamy, body licking kind," she said disheartened. "He's nearly done his first Gin and Tonic."

"Why didn't you try to stop him?"

Tori just stared at me. I wasn't angry, I wasn't flustered, I wasn't upset; I was hopeless. I wiped my brow and sighed.

"He won't listen to me, Ads," she cooed. "I tried. I tried tons of times. He doesn't care." A ring-covered hand tucked her bangs to the side. "What happened?" She jutted her hip out, waiting for an explanation.

"They had a fight," I said, walking over to the bar. "She accused him of cheating, which he didn't. She's too caught up in her own world to notice everyone else around her. It's enough to drive anyone to drink." I pounded my fist against the illuminated, neon countertop. "Scotch. Make it a double."

A handsome bartender I knew to be O'Malley's nephew shot me a keen look. "Not the usual, eh, Addy?"

I grabbed the glass and took a swill, peering over at Alex, immersed in the ever-depleting liquor in his hands. "Not by a long shot."

"Look, I'm no expert, but tonight clearly isn't the night to be celebrating anything." Tori grabbed her clutch and sequined shrug, tossing me a pack of Du Maurier Lights before sliding a twenty across to the bartender. "You'll need those more than me," she said, pointing to the cigarettes. "Take care," she called, rushing past drunks and lushes by the dozen.

Eyeing Alex, I slowly slid one of the thin, white sticks behind my ear, concealing the rest in my back pocket. I sat on top of my leather jacket, occupying the seat beside his before resting my hand on his shoulder.

"Fancy seeing you here."

The slumped over body shook and a heavy head turned to face me. Sunken eyes stared back at me, their colour almost as rich and glossy as the caramel liquid he held. A stupefied look crossed his face, and for the first time since this afternoon, I saw Alex smile. "Hey Addy."

"Hey Alex. Are you okay?"

His nose scrunched up and his lip curled as he nodded. "Yep," he slurred. "Juss grea-at."

I traced the crystal I held as I spoke. "Yeah? Cause you look like you could use a cheeseburger, maybe a nice, hot shower?"

"N-not hungry. Too many prestsssels."

I chuckled, studying the empty snack bowl beside him. "I can see that." I searched his face for the slightest hint of something other than intoxication. There was no life in him, no fire; none of what everyone loved about him. I reached for the now empty glass in his hands and slid it my way. "Hey barkeeeeepsie! I wan'anotherrr."

"Nathan." I shook my head. "He's had enough."

"You're nah'mah mother," he hissed drunkenly.

"Well, it would be pretty pitiful if she was here to see you like this," I countered.

"Oh, f-fuck off. I don't nee'you. I don't nee'anybody."

"You need to stop this, Alex. You need to give this up, come home and go to bed."

He smiled as if I'd just told him some national secret. "Will you be therrre?"

"At home? Of course."

He shook his head furiously, nearly falling off of the barstool. I gripped his arm, his hand shooting across his body and grabbing mine. He looked down at his large, rough hand encompassing my small, fragile one and gave me a lopsided grin. "I meant, will you g-go to bed wi'me?"

The old me would have slapped him. The old me would have kicked him where it hurts. The old me would have thrown the rest of whatever alcoholic concoction I had all over that immaculate plaid shirt.

The me that was there, though; the me that was so close to him I could feel his hot, smoky breath on my skin; the me that was having trouble seeing through the cigarette smoke and stars in my eyes didn't do any of those things.

"If you want me to, Alex. Yes, I will go to bed with you."

Satisfied, he stood up, wobbling from foot to foot. I rustled in my pocket, paid the tab and grabbed his hoodie, dressing him as he swayed lazily.

"Th'man should paaay," he sing-songed, reaching into his pocket. I watched in shock as he proceeded to pull out a wad of hundreds, tossing a few towards Nathan. "There y'go, buddy," he drawled, accidentally knocking over the snack bowl. Alex just sniggered, staring at the broken pieces of glass on the floor. He pointed down and turned his attention back to the barkeep. "Use it to buy y'self a new prestsssel holderrr."

"C'mon, Casanova," I said, reaching for his arm. I slung it around my shoulders, doing my best to balance 6 feet over my tiny frame. I was definitely not cut out for this. "Let's get you home."

As I held out my hand to grab the door, Alex swung his arm from around my shoulders and blocked me off, leaning against the wooden beams.

"Alex, this isn't the time. You're not yourself. You need to sleep this off."

He just stared. He didn't say a word, didn't move, didn't even breathe. His lips parted and I could feel a swirl of air brush against my mouth. "I dun'wanna marry Lindseyyy."

"Alex, you're drunk," I stated.

"I dun'l-love Lindsey," he said euphorically, holding my hands back, keeping me away from the door. "I c-can't be in love wit'her."

"Alex Gaskarth," I seethed, my nails digging into the flesh of his hands. He didn't even flinch. "You are intoxicated. Do you know what that means? Now let go of me so I can take you ho-"

"I can't b-because I'm in love wit'you."

My arms weakened and fell to my sides, his arms tumbling down with them. His hands rested on my hips, tenderly drawing circles against my bare skin. I lost my breath and before I knew it, his mouth came crashing down on mine. It was a disaster, a monstrosity, an accident; a car wreck. It was pure bliss.

I shuddered as his drunken hands didn't miss a beat, roaming my body like he knew it perfectly. My hands got tangled in his hair and I could feel the room closing in around us. The moment we broke away, I grabbed his hand and led him to the car, shoving him in the passenger's seat. I cursed, staring at myself in the mirror, watching as he drifted off into a dreamless sleep. I made a 20-minute drive in less than 10 minutes and had him through the front door in 15.

It took everything in me to ignore the throbbing sensation on my lips where he had kissed me so hard I was probably bruised. I dragged him up each and every step, praying that I could get him into bed without waking a single soul. I reached the end of the hall and threw open my bedroom door, yanking him in forcefully. His body awoke from the sudden jolt and he groaned as he hit the mattress.

Carelessly, Alex rolled over, clutching one of the pillows to his body and burying his face in it. I sighed, clawing through my hair as he opened his eyes idly.

"Are ya'coming to bed?" he asked seductively, his words muffled by the flannel pillowcase and his buzz.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and patted his leg. "Yeah, I am. Really soon."

He nodded, satisfied, then bundled himself back up in the sheets. I groaned as his breathing slowed and he was lulled to sleep. His soft snores made me feel at ease as the gentle hum echoed in my room like a hummingbird's wings. I bit my lip as I stared at him.

I had done the worst possible thing I could do. I had fallen for my sister's fiancé. I had fully, flat-out fallen for Alex Gaskarth and there wasn't one damn thing I could do about it. As his sensual words rung in my ears, I found myself curled up next to him, brushing the hair out of his face with my fingertips. They slowly traced down his cheek and brushed against his lip, lingering for just a moment longer than they should have. I sighed, feeling horrible for having deceived him and toying with his emotions when he was most vulnerable.

It was true; I had lied to get Alex home, but that was just how it went. Sometimes you had to lie to get what you wanted.

Lindsey taught me that.