A Naked Light

Morning sun peeked into the bedroom, lighting it with the intensity of a flare. The glare poured in through the window, shining into my eyes. I looked over at the blinds, trying to fight away the luminosity that was blurring my vision. I took one last drag of my twelfth cigarette that morning and dropped it into the coffee cup by my bed. A rustling beside me forced my head to turn and I smiled, watching as Alex's face buried itself in his pillow. I had never once woken up to a rock star in my bed and now didn't seem like the best time to start, especially considering he was my sister's fiancé. I stared at the nearly empty pack of cigarettes in my hands and sighed. We hadn't slept together, yet I felt so guilty.

Had it been the kiss? His pledge of love? The way his teeth had grazed my bottom lip? His fingers caressing my bare skin?

I shook my head. It had been all of those things. Every moment between the bar to the second he'd fallen asleep had stolen my breath. I had peeled of his jeans and shoes and shirt and I felt so unbelievably dirty, disgusting, irresponsible. He had stirred but I couldn't let him wake up - I didn't trust myself enough to let him. I let him slip back into his alcohol-induced coma and tucked him in, a sudden rush of déjà vu coursing through my veins. As if Jack hadn't been enough responsibility, Alex had gone and sucked me into the exact same situation. I was hating myself a little more with each tick of the clock.

Exhausted from the little sleep I'd had, I sighed and patted his leg. "I can't believe I love you," I muttered, leaving the room.

I didn't move as I felt her hand touch my thigh. I closed my eyes, listening as her footsteps padded against the ground, rounding the bed to leave the room. I relished how the heat from her fingertips had seeped through the sheets, prickling my skin with dots of warmth. Her words rung in my ears, words she hadn't said last night while I'd carelessly let my feelings stumble out in a drunken slur. They put me at ease, and at the same time, they made me realize how difficult this all was. I was with Lindsey and I was in love with her sister? It was too cliché; it wasn't supposed to happen - but it had.

I rolled onto my side, scratching behind my ear as I stared out the window. I felt like such a jerk. Embarrassed, I lifted the sheets, afraid to see something that shouldn't be there. I sighed, relieved when I saw my boxers still comfortably snug against my skin. I fell back against the bed, the early morning reviving me, calming my irrational mind.

The smell of stale cigarettes and coffee was slowly awakening me. My nostrils flared, inhaling the scent of the nicotine that seemed so deliciously fulfilling right then. I reached over for the mug on her end of the bed and pressed it to my lips, only to be greeted by ashes of addiction. I coughed, sputtering a cold, creamy mess down my bare chest. I cursed, throwing my legs over the side of the bed and reaching for a tissue. As I tossed out the dirty sheet, I heard something jostle the doorknob and ran a hand through my grease-slicken hair. I bit back all my fear and apprehension, preparing myself to see Lindsey and struggling to find the right thing to say. Instead, I saw someone else, someone far more troublesome to me.

I watched as Skip's upturned mouth dipped at the corners, making me feel as ashamed as he'd meant to.

"I thought you were Addy."

I got up. "Look, it's not what you think. I was drunk out of my mind. She - she helped me." I stared at my feet, the plush carpeting protruding through my toes looking unbelievably interesting at that moment. "She should be back soon."

He set one of the over-sized Starbucks cups on the nightstand I stood beside and looked me in the eye. I could feel the blaze in his eyes analyze me like a pathetic little child. It was so unnerving, I wanted to hide under the bed. I felt so pretentious.

"I've seen the way she looks at you, but I've forgiven her for it. I don't care if you're the second coming of Mick Jagger or if your bank account's bigger than mine, you can't have Addy. She's my everything. A stuck-up, son of a bitch like you is not gonna win this girl. You have it easy, Gaskarth. You have it real fucking easy, but not this time. Find someone else to slip it into."

The words dripped from his mouth like the bubbles of soap a mother might use to wash her son's mouth; filthily, involuntarily, savagely. My fist collided with his jaw hard enough to send the same words back down his throat and a glistening river of blood down his chin. His head flew back, the punch unexpected to him. He retaliated, dropping the beverage in his hand and attacking me wildly.

"She is not another one of your groupie whores!" he yelled. "She should be treated like a princess! You can't do that for her, you masochistic slob!"

I knocked my elbow into his gut and sat on top of him as he tumbled to the side. I decked him repeatedly, his head knocking back and forth like a swinging punching bag. As the crimson flowed freely down his face, I grabbed him by collar, his bloody face an inch from mine.

"I may not treat women as well as some other guys, but I'm sure as hell a lot better with them than you are. She's the best thing that could've happened to either of us and you're more concerned with having her for a trophy than being with her. I love her more than you ever could. Don't act like it's not true."

His eyes, glazed with rage, peered past my head for a split second but just long enough for me to know there was someone there. I looked up at the mirror in front of me, Addy's reflected face staring at my back. I turned around, releasing Skip from my grasp, splatters of his blood on my chest.

There was nothing I could say to wipe that horrified look off of her face, and I didn't have to try to know it. Her tired eyes were pooling with tears, exhausting them even further. Her lack of sleep was evident and the stronger, staler smell of cigarettes on the lazily drooping tank she wore intoxicated me beyond belief. The oversized sweat pants that hung from her hips reminded me of how perfectly her skin had felt against my fingers as I'd brushed it beneath her jeans. I knew I couldn't take back what she'd seen, so I didn't. I told her the truth, because that's all I could do.

"I'm not sorry," I whispered. Her hands held out aspirin and a fresh pack of Belmonts. I took the white tablets and pressed my lips to hers. "I meant what I did, and I meant what I said."

Stunned, she let our mouths brush and I slowly closed the door behind me, leaving her alone with Skip. As I walked down the stairs, I could feel myself regretting that. When Lindsey saw me enter the kitchen, I began regretting that even more.

She said nothing. Instead, she dropped the mug in her hand and rushed to me, her arms squeezing me with all the force she could muster.

"Alex, I'm so sorry," she blubbered, her pristine hair swaying from side to side as she shook her head. "I didn't mean to accuse you of anything but I didn't know what to think and I mean, what would you think if you were me, and I wanted to tell you how badly I felt, but when you never came home, I went to bed, and I had the worst night's sleep ever, and I woke up and thought you'd be here but you weren't, so I cried and came downstairs and I thought you'd be back every minute that passed and you weren't, so I worried, and I called your phone, but you didn't answer and -"

"Lindsey."

She stopped her prattling and stared at me with wide eyes. "Yes Alex?"

The slam of a door stopped me dead in my tracks and everyone turned to watch Skip storm out of the house, wiping the blood from his face. Gentle footsteps came down the stairs, and slowly but surely, Addy appeared on the steps. She turned her head to face the kitchen and Lindsey and I both watched as her eyes lost their lustre and tears began to spill from them violently.

I had broken my bones, scraped my knees and taken more hits than I could count, but there wasn't a single moment of pain that could compare to what I felt watching those beautiful sea green eyes burn out like fading stars. I wanted to hold her so badly, it couldn't be fathomed and as she ran up the stairs, her sorrowful lamenting staining her hands as she pressed them to her cheeks, my heart broke.

"I sent Skip up to see her. I thought she'd be happy," Lindsey said, her voice confused. I looked down at her, my brow furrowed.

"You sent that son of a bitch upstairs? He's a disgusting, pathetic excuse for a human being! What could have possibly possessed you to let him through the front door?"

She looked taken aback and let go of me, stepping away. "He said he was here to see her, that he was going to take her to breakfast. Why should I have worried?" For the first time since I'd come downstairs, her eyes slipped past my face and down to my body, clad in nothing but a pair of boxers. "Where the hell were you? You didn't just walk into the house in that." Her eyes glittered with realization and she nodded, disgusted with herself. "You've been here the whole time, and you didn't even come to bed."

"I got here late, Lindsey. I was - drunk. I was completely shitfaced and I wasn't going to make you upset by stumbling into bed and having you ask me questions I couldn't possibly answer. I passed out in your sister's room," I lied. "When she woke up, she freaked out and then I woke up and now, I just have a horrible headache. I was protecting you, babe. You didn't need to see me like that."

She shook her head. "You've just pissed me off again, Alex." Lindsey reached for her bag on the table and sighed. "I'm going to go and pick up the bridesmaids' dresses and drop by the bakery to see how things are coming along with the cake. When I get back, we'll talk. Maybe."

As she turned to leave, I spun on my heel. "You mean, the wedding's still on?"

I had hoped it was over. I had hoped that everything had torn this stupid lie to shreds and the fact that I had been the one to break it off gave her no right to piece it back together again. Fury was bubbling within me.

"Yes. Yes, it is. That whole situation was stupid, but I'm still angry with you. Like I said, we'll discuss it when I get home."

"I'm not a fucking child, Lindsey! I'm not gonna sit here, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for you to come home so that you can forgive me for your mistakes!"

She hid her shock with anger and frustration and slammed her purse against the foyer's antique table. The vase that housed a fresh bouquet of Gerber daisies nearly tipped over, but neither of us missed a beat.

"Alexander William Gaskarth, I have made no mistakes as far as I'm concerned. Not only did I not kiss another woman, I didn't go out and get piss drunk then wander back home like an intoxicated mess and collapse in my fiancé's sister's room."

"You couldn't if you tried. I don't have a sister," I said sourly.

She approached me and shoved me back a step. "I also know you didn't come home alone." My anger disappeared for a moment, fear replacing it for that split second. "That's right, Gaskarth, I'm onto you. You got home in a black SUV with tinted windows and a license plate belonging to my sister. You did not stumble into her room in a drunken haze, sweetheart. She stumbled right in with you. You didn't sleep on her floor, either. I went to talk to her in the middle of the night and I saw her, restlessly sleeping beside you. I'm no genius, but I'm not stupid. Even you're not dumb enough to drive home drunk. Now this wedding is gonna happen whether you like it or not, because I want this. I've stuck with you for four years now, and I'm not walking out of this relationship empty handed. You can bet your bottom dollar on that." My mouth opened as she smiled, satisfied. Reaching for the doorknob and her purse, she paused, still smiling, and turned to look at me again. "Oh, and just so you know, the price of the cake just doubled. I'll have Eduardo bill you."

Infuriated, I grabbed the closest thing to me and threw it against the wall, plastic and glass falling everywhere. Zack, Jack and Rian raced down the stairs, followed by Amy and John. Addy was nowhere in sight.

"What the hell happened?" Jack asked. "Where the fuck have you been?"

"Nowhere," I muttered. I stared at what was left of the coffeemaker and looked up sheepishly at Amy and John. "I'll replace that," I said softly.

For whatever reason, they took pity on me. "It's fine, dear," Amy said, patting my hand. "It was old, anyways."

"Now, since we're all up, why don't we start breakfast, eh?" Everyone looked at John and he smiled at me, grabbing me by the shoulder. "That's what we need to brighten the day. 'Course, we'll have to settle for orange juice instead o' coffee."

Everyone chuckled and the pressure built up in my chest released itself. The guys sat down, wiping their groggy eyes as the Rossdales began to mix pancake batter.

"I think I'm gonna go back to bed, actually. I've - I've got some things to think over." Before anyone could object, I was at the top of the stairs, Lindsey's words ringing in my head. This wasn't the Lindsey I'd been with for so long. This was some deranged bitch that I never knew existed. I shook my head. That was a lie. I knew she existed, I just thought she was an alter ego I wouldn't be stuck with for the rest of my life.

I pressed my forehead against Addy's bedroom door, the varnish from the wood sending me into a light-headed fury. My hand lingered on the doorknob for a moment and with whatever will I had left, I knocked gently.

A few moments later, the door creaked open. I heard the squeak of a mattress and entered the room, Addy's body sprawled out over the bedspread. As I approached the bed, I could see her trembling. I leaned over, my hand pressed to the small of her back. I brushed her hair out of her face and felt my heart fall to the pit of stomach as her bloodshot eyes looked up at me. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"H-he t-tried to come on-onto m-me," she stuttered. "He tried t-to t-to-"

I stopped her, bringing her limp body to mine in a gentle embrace. She broke down, her frustration and fatigue depleting her of all her energy. She shook against me with each sob and I just sat there, waiting for her to calm down, waiting for her to become a fraction of the cool, composed woman she usually was.

"I sent him away," she said finally. "I'm gonna report him for sexual harassment." She wiped her face and grabbed a cigarette from her nightstand, pursing it between her full lips. She tried to light it but the flame merely flickered for a moment and burnt out. She cursed, throwing the lighter against the wall. "Nothing's going right."

I stared at her feet as her gaze fell to the ground. Her toes were painted a glowing orange which made me smile. It was just the sort of thing you'd expect from Addy; she was ambitious like that. She looked up at me and I crossed my legs.

"Lindsey doesn't love me." The obviousness of the statement shouldn't have surprised either of us, but it did. Addy seemed convinced that her sister had actually changed and I had no idea that her sister had been any different. I felt like a fool. "You were right. She said she saw you drive me home, thinks we slept together." I sighed. "She told me the wedding was going to happen whether I liked it or not and that she deserved something for being with me all this time."

Addy shot up from where she sat, her eyes smouldering with vehemence. "She's done some despicable shit, but this," she seethed, her voice dripping with the venom of a viper, "this she'll never get away with." I grabbed her wrist as she headed towards the door.

"She won't get away with this," I promised her. "I won't let her, and neither will you." I wrapped both her hands with mine, bringing them to my chest. "I meant what I said last night. I was a drunken fuck-up, but I meant every word." My fingers reached for her face, tucking a tell-tale wave behind her ivory ear. "I'd give anything to take the words I gave Lindsey and give them to you. I promised her something you deserve," I sulked. "I promised her me, in all my entirety, and she wants my fame, my fortune; the things that don't matter nearly as much as I thought they did."

Aloof, she stared up at me, her eyes fighting against the expression of her face. What I saw in front of me was anger, but the way she looked at me couldn't have been more sensual. Lindsey had played me for a sucker, but I knew Addy wasn't. I knew deep down she believed me.

Hesitantly, I pressed my lips to hers. Her hand hooked around the curve of my neck and I trembled, a grin spreading across my mouth. "I can't remember the last time somebody made me feel the way you do," the honesty of the remark making me feel painfully shy.

"Me neither." She pulled away and looked at me thoughtfully. "Lindsey's not gonna win this. She's done a lot of shady shit throughout the years, but I can't let her do this. I won't. She can't just steal somebody's future because of her avarice." Addy reached past me and grabbed her phone. "We're going to stop her."

"She doesn't trust either of us," I snorted. "That's gonna be a little hard."

She pressed the 3 on her keypad, a familiar number and picture ID flashing in my face. I smiled. "Reinforcements?"

As the blonde on the other end answered the call, Addy held the receiver to her ear and nodded. "Round up the guys, we've got a bitch to ditch."