A Naked Light

Nothing in the world could have ever prepared me to find Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth in our board room, lounging on swivel chairs like they were in their family basements. The water bottle in my hand had nearly slipped from my grasp, but I held onto it for dear life. The look of shock on Jack's face was only surpassed by the one on Alex's. I had never seen such composure break so quickly, so helplessly. As I caught his gaze, I could see the fear in his eyes. All hope was lost.

That was the day that everything fell apart.

I had come home that night at a quarter to midnight, exhausted beyond belief and less than enthused about the possibility of running into either of them. It was inevitable, but the fact that they had left right after lunch made me even angrier. I raced up the stairs and down the hall, past every room I just didn't want to look into. I shut my bedroom door behind me before anybody could say a word and threw myself on the bed. My entire day vanished in that moment. The stress, the shock, the anger, the frustration; it all disappeared. The second my head hit the pillow, I crashed and everything didn't seem so bad.

Now, I was back at work, still trying to digest yesterday's events. As I gathered my portfolio and colour swatch binder, I shook my head, exhausted. It was impossible to fathom. It was official; I had the worst luck in the world. I just couldn't catch a break. I grabbed a coffee on the way to the board room and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Skip sitting at the table, completely alone. He looked up as he heard the door open and shot me a smile that made my heart stop. I set my things on the desk and ran to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He caught me and I could feel his stubble brush against my shoulder.

"Begging you for this was the stupidest thing I ever did."

"How?" he asked. Skip pulled me away from him and I sighed. "Because you know them?"

I nodded. He laughed and laid my head on his shoulder.

"Babe, that's the most fucked up think you've ever said."

"Thanks for that whole heap o' lovin', jackass."

He chuckled and stroked my hair. "Why does something like that matter, though? I thought Alex was marrying Lindsey? And Jack's harmless, even you know that."

"He is marrying Lindsey. That's the problem. I can barely stand her, how am I supposed to stand this? I already live with the guy. I see him when I get ready in the morning, that is if the jerk off's not still in bed. He steals my bagel in the morning, mixes up our hoodies, walks into me repeatedly, leaves his shoes lying all around the house --"

Skip stopped me and I huffed, annoyed that he hadn't given me the chance to finish off my list. "I can't tell if we're talking about Alex or Jack."

I grabbed his neck with my hands and shook it jokingly. "You make my life so goddamn difficult!" I whined, collapsing onto his lap.

He sighed. "I can take you off of this if you really want me to, but you're the last person I've ever known to back down from a challenge."

"This isn't a challenge, Skip. This is a death sentence."

He laughed again and stood up, pulling me to my feet. "There's nobody I would rather have working on this with me and if it makes you feel any better," he said, kissing my forehead, "I'll be here with you every step of the way."

I groaned, my head tipping backwards. "I know you're leaving for New York next week." I let my head fall again and he just smiled, lifting it with his index finger. I could feel my heart flutter as he brushed his thumb against my chin.

"Not by choice. It's part of the job. Just don't let this get to you. Jack's here. That's more consolation than I could ever give you." I let out a laugh and he smiled. "Atta girl. And if that smile ever leaves your face, even for a second, I'll have to fire you."

I pressed my lips to his and grinned as his tongue brushed against my teeth. "You always did have a thing for bad girls."

"Mhm." The kiss deepened and I shuddered as a jolt of passion flashed through my body like lightning. I felt my cheeks flare up as we were interrupted by a sudden knocking. I pushed myself away as I saw Alex standing beside the open door with Jack to his left, his back turned to us in a faux make-out pose.

"Real mature, Barakat," I scoffed.

He turned around with a dopey grin on his face. "It's how I do."

Skip nonchalantly wiped his mouth with his sleeve and sat down again, waiting for the guys to join us. I crossed my legs over twice in the time it took for Alex to walk the ten paces from the door to the seat beside me. He sat to my left; Jack to my right. Skip had been right. Having him there was all the consolation I needed. I looked over at Jack and he gave me a small smile. I felt a hand touch my knee and I patted it.

"Thanks," I whispered.

He nodded and turned his attention back to Skip, leaning back in the chair. As they talked, I flipped open my book and binder and waited for Jack to be finished so that he could look over the swatches. Waiting patiently turned out to not be one of Alex's fortes.

"You dating him?"

"What's it to you?" I muttered, crossing my legs yet again.

"It's just a question," he said sourly. "It's also a lot less bitchy than 'what do you want from me'."

I shot him a glare but he took no offense. He just continued to watch me. I could feel his eyes burning holes in my skull. I didn't like it, and I let him know. I looked up at him again, but my eyes weren't angry this time. They were blazing with fury. He noticed and immediately stopped shifting back and forth in his seat.

"Best decision you've made since you got here," I whispered.

He went to reply but was cut off by Skip. "Alright. Addy has some fabrics and colours for you to look at. I have some calls to make, so I'll just leave you two with her and be back soon."

As he reached for the doorknob, I stared at him and let him know that I'd kill him for this later. He simply smiled and winked at me before closing the door behind him. The click of the door ensued panic. Jack jumped out of his chair.

"Okay! Whadda ya got for me, Addy?!" he squealed excitedly.

I laughed. "We've got everything you could possibly imagine and then some."

"Ouuu," he cheered, grabbing the binder. "I wanna see!"

"By all means," I sighed, leaning back in the leather swivel chair. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, letting the air conditioned breeze sweep over me. It only took a few seconds of page flipping and intolerable silence for them to fly back open. Alex was staring at me again.

"What the hell is your problem?" I demanded.

Jack just looked up from where he sat, continuing to flip through each page, touching each swatch with his fingers.

"My problem is that you're incapable of answering questions. All I asked you was if you were dating him. Christ Almighty."

"And I repeat, what the fuck is it to you? You've got Lindsey back at home, picking out your goddamn bed sheets for the next 60 years, so get the hell out of my life. I don't want you in it."

"I don't want to be in your life anymore than you want to be in mine. I asked you a simple question and you didn't fucking answer it. That's the point I'm making. Get over yourself."

"Get over myself?!" I spat, getting to my feet. "Back the fuck up, Mr. Self Righteous. I am not conceded enough to have to get over myself. You, on the other hand, have a big enough ego to make Simon Cowell look like Mother Theresa, so maybe you should leave." The statement caught him by surprise and he just sat there, his mouth agape. I paused, searching for words. "You're here because Jack wants you here. That's the only reason, but we're serious about work at GK. You're a distraction, and to be quite honest, you're being a dick. You should leave." I was cautious, waiting for him to stand up and walk out, but the fire in his eyes told me I hadn't had the last word. God, his passion was intoxicating.

"I don't care what you say, I don't have to do a damn thing. You're nothing but a moody, self-absorbed bitch who doesn't know a good thing when she's got one. Open up your big fucking Bambi eyes and take a look at the world around you, Addy. It doesn't pan out the way you want it to. Learn that, live by it. And then grow up." He looked away, infuriated.

I felt my tough exterior harden even more, wanting to punch him so hard his grandchildren would feel it. But I bit my tongue and stood my ground. I would take the higher road, because I was bigger than Alex Gaskarth, because I was better than Alex Gaskarth, but most importantly, because I was no match for Alex Gaskarth.

"I'm out of here," he muttered. "I've had enough of your moods. I get enough of those from Lindsey." He aligned the beanie on his head and stormed out of the board room, leaving me and Jack in the company of the AC's hissing. He had long since stopped looking through the swatches and had taken up gawking at us as we'd bickered. I looked over at him, falling to pieces. I was starting to hate myself more than Lindsey and Alex combined. I frowned, my willingness to be strong no longer there. That wasn't how it was supposed to work. I shook my head, sighing in defeat as Jack wrapped his arms around me. I curled into his tall, lanky frame and relished in how safe I felt right then and there.

"I really do need to grow up, don't I?" I whispered.

Jack's breathing steadied and I heard him exhale hesitantly. "Not grow up. Just... let loose. You're way too hard on yourself, Ads. And you're even harder on Alex."

I hated it when he was right.

"I guess I should start giving him the benefit of the doubt."

He smiled, looking down at me. "It couldn't hurt."

We chuckled, but Alex burst through the door before we could take another breath.

"I thought you left, bro?"

He nodded, gasping for breath. "I did, I mean - I was going to. But when I got to the elevators, she - she -"

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

He shook his head furiously. "Lindsey! Lindsey's down the hall. She's gonna be here in 30 seconds!"

"What?!" Jack and I chorused. "No," I groaned. "No, she can't know I work here." I pushed back my side swept bangs with a shaking hand, waving my other hand in the air. "Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT! She can't know that I'm here every day with you!" I pointed at Alex and watched as his face turned sickly pale.

"She's right," he choked out. Alex looked at Jack. "Man, she's gonna go nuts."

Jack nodded feebly. "But what are we gonna do? We don't have time to -"

"Alex? Are you in there?"

"Shit!" Jack squealed.

Alex spun on his heel and grabbed me by the waist. I stared down at his hands, shaking from the tension. "What are you doing?" I squealed. I squirmed as he held me in place.

"Get under the table. We don't have time to do anything else."

I looked at him incredulously and swallowed hard when I realized that he was being serious. I stared at Jack as Lindsey proceeded to knock on the door.

"Okay, fine."

He nodded, tucking me under the board room table, draping his hoodie across the chair to shield me from her view.

"Get the door, Jack!" he hissed, aligning the material. As I lay there with my chest pressed to the burgundy carpeting, I met Alex's gaze and mouthed a quick "thank you". He gave me a small smile and nodded, standing up just as Jack closed the door behind her.

"Baby!" I stared at feet, watching as a pair of bright pink stilettos walked over to a pair of personalized Nikes. They hugged and I could hear her kiss him. I watched Jack's feet bob nervously under the table beside me. I tapped his knee and I heard him yelp, earning attention from the couple.

"Sorry," he muttered. He peered under the table as Lindsey looked away and I whispered to him to calm down. He gave me a helpless look but I smiled and shimmied back under the table before he could object. For as long as I had to be, I was going to be still as a statue. Right then, I couldn't even afford to breathe too loudly.

"Does Jack still need you?"

"Uhh, well -"

"Yeah, Lindsey. Yeah, I still need him."

I smiled.

Go Jack.

"So many t-shirt patterns, so little time."

"Yeah," Alex said. "I can't go. Just do whatever you need to do without me. You know I trust your taste." I could hear the lie loud and clear, but Lindsey didn't seem to notice. "Go on. Just, get whatever you want."

"Don't you care?" she asked, slightly perturbed.

"I care, just not about all the little details. I care about, being with you for the rest of my life and that very moment where I can stand in front of both our families and all of our friends and say, "I do". That's what I care about. Not the DJ, or the napkins and definitely not the icing colour. You can do this without me, baby. I know you can."

She sighed. She was satisfied with that response. "Alright, that's fine." Faint shuffling sounded and all of a sudden, Alex's voice rose to a nervous shrill.

"What're you doing?"

Lindsey laughed. "I'm gonna call Addy and see if she wants to go."

I bit my knuckle and mentally beat myself for not silencing my ringer. As she pressed the receiver to her ear, I stuck my hand out from under the hoodie and pointed to the bag on the chair, simultaneously slapping Jack's knee. Slowly, he reached over and nabbed it, searching frantically for the phone. Alex entertained Lindsey, keeping her gaze locked on him instead of Jack.

"How do you do this?!" he muttered.

"Scroll to the 'settings' box!" I hissed.

Lindsey spun around and I ducked behind Jack's chair. "Did you say something Jack?"

He clicked the box and spun the click wheel, muting the phone's sound. "No, nothing at all," he replied, tucking the Blackberry into his back pocket. "She not picking up?"

As the voicemail began playing, she frowned and snapped her phone shut. "Nope. I'll call her again when I get to the car. I guess I'll see you guys later." She leaned in to kiss Alex and rumpled his hair. He shut one eye, annoyed, and readjusted his bangs and hat. "Don't work too hard." She turned around and swung open the door, shutting it behind her as she strolled over to the elevators.

In a split second, I was up from under the table and shaking the pins and needles out of my legs. I turned to walk but stumbled. Jack and Alex each caught one of my arms and I stared at them, frozen by the whole ordeal, and comforted by the fact it was over. I struggled for air. "Lindsey - can never find out about this. Got it?"

They looked at each other and nodded frantically, still ridden with shock. I sat down in the closest chair and handed Alex his hoodie. He grabbed it and looked at me, thanking me silently. I slid him the folder and he smiled, flipping it open. As Jack handed me back my phone, I sunk back into the chair, shielding my eyes with my hand, going over every possible scenario that could have just happened. A sigh escaped my lips as we all looked over at the closed door. It was understood.

Getting caught was a risk we just couldn't afford to take.