Dreaming Up A Secret
Underaged
~ Ronan‘s Point Of View ~
Aiden laid there on the ground in front of me, something small in his hand. Upon closer examination, I saw it was a razor.
“No,” I whispered.
Aiden gently put the razor against his wrist. The lines I had seen earlier had multiplied to hundreds.
“No,” I whispered again.
Aiden looked up at me, eyes leaking sorrow and regret, “I’m sorry,” his whisper was barely audible.
He scraped the razor down his wrist and cried into the blood pooling all around him.
“Stop, stop,” I murmured again and again as Aiden kept making new cuts.
I watched as Aiden’s head dropped towards the ground and the puddle of blood around him expanded. The sight made me dizzy and I fell down beside him.
“Aiden! Please! No!”
Aiden looked up at me with pleading eyes, “I’m sorry,” he whispered again before dropping to the ground, dead.
“No!” I yelped.
I grabbed the razor and pushed it down across my arm and let myself bleed. I kissed him lightly and closed his eyes.
“Goodnight.”[/i[
My eyes fluttered open from the nightmare. Even though it had been several nights since I had first found out about Aiden’s cutting, every night was plagued with a new dream that ended in his suicide. Every night, I woke up, panting in a cold sweat, and walked across the room to check on Aiden. And every night, he was peacefully sleeping, his mouth slightly agape. I could hear his soft breath as it caught in his throat. I trailed my hand gently down his face. Sleeping angel. My sleeping angel.
He blinked his eyes open, shocked.
“Oh, crap, sorry, did I wake you?”
“Huh?” He rubbed sleep from his eyes. “Oh, uh, no, I…just woke up.”
“You have a nightmare?” I asked, noticing tears on his face.
He nodded slightly and curled up, like he was trying to make himself smaller.
“Want me to sleep with you?”
A dirty smile crossed his lips and he nodded, “please!”
I crawled into bed next to him, tucking my freezing body under the covers, brushing my arms and legs up against him.
“Not what I meant….but if it will make you feel better!” I joked.
Aiden wrapped his arms around me lovingly, whispering a thanks in my ear. I loved the tingle of his breathing, which soon became slow and even with sleep, against my face.
I couldn’t imagine life without him.
~ TIME SKIP!! ~
When I woke up, Aiden was already awake, sitting up, perched on the bed beside me.
“Holy craaaaaaaap,” I rolled off the bed backwards, not expecting that awakening.
Aiden giggled giddily and jumped down beside me.
“Morning sunshine!”
“Morning, Aiden, thanks for, uh, waking me up.”
He laughed again, “you’re welcome!”
“Sarcasm, Aiden, sarcasm, you have so much to learn!” I roughed his hair.
‘Hey....
You always seem to catch me when I'm lying
About the stupidest of things
Okay....
Stand there while I stab you in the back
With the words I never never never should have taken this so far.’
Wow. It had been forever since I heard my cell phone play that. It was my ring tone for Alice.
“Heyheyhey, Ronan,” Alice greeted me as soon as I flipped open my black Motorola razor phone.
“Hey, Alice, waz uhp?”
“Party. Tonight. At Mausoleum. Meet us there? And bring Aiden.”
Mausoleum was a bar that rented out the back room for parties. It was a basic teenage hangout.
“Sweet. What time? Fuck ya. And of course.”
“Ok, wait…we’ll pick you up.”
“How?”
“Tom’s car…”
“Sweet!”
Last time I had seen him we’d been to young…well, we still were. Tom wasn’t. Tom was a few years older than us. We were fourteen, Tom was sixteen, Alice was fifteen. He had his permit. But, it wasn’t creepy that Tom was dating Alice, like an older guy thing, she had an end of year birthday and he had a beginning of year one, so they were actually pretty close in age.
I heard the click on the other end of the line.
“Aiden! Guess what we’re doing tonight!”
“Hm?”
“PARTY!”
It’s been forever since Aiden and I went to a party, or even went out. Not that we were unpopular, cuz we weren’t. Wait…yes we were. Well, really it was because Aiden and I were close and happy being together, just a quiet day with the two of us. Alice and Tom were pretty much our only friends outside of each other. A couple kids liked us, but it was just the four of us who I’d actually consider friends.
“Awesome! Alice? Tom?” He questioned.
“Ya,” I confirmed, nodding my head.
Aiden grinned happily, “its so cool to see them again! I mean, I know that makes me sound like a nerd, but still…its like a childhood reunion.”
“You’re right,” I smiled, “that does make you sound like a nerd.”
“Oh, hahaha,” he responded sarcastically, “you’re soooo funny!”
“Pfft, you know it, so what are you going to wear?”
“You know, you have got to be the gayest guy I know!”
“Um, isn’t that something that’s good for you?”
“I wasn’t complaining!”
We laughed for a while and then ended up playing video games all day. Before we knew it, Alice was calling to tell us she was on her way over.
I threw on a black Scary Kids Scaring Kids shirt with bright green, blue, yellow, and white lettering and a black pair of pants along with black and white checkered vans. Aiden wore an Aiden shirt (hehe, kinda punny) with a skull and chains and a dark wash pair of jeans with Jack and Sally flats.
Tom honked his horn from outside and, shoving my wallet in my pocket, I grabbed Aiden’s hand and dragged him upstairs.
“Hey,” Tom greeted us as we jumped in the backset of his Acura car, “waz uhp my gay home boys?”
“Hey, waz uhp with you my straight home boy?”
“Haha, we are so gansta,” he laughed.
Alice started shaking her head, “why do I hang out with you guys?”
Tom and leaned over and kissed her, swerving the car.
“HOLY CRAP! EYES ON THE ROAD! EYES ON THE FUCKING ROAD!” I screamed, clinging to Aiden.
Alice pushed Tom off her, “I think he’s right…”
“Pfft. But you know why you hang out with us now, right?”
Alice rolled her eyes as Tom switched on the CD player, popped in A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out by Panic! At The Disco, and skipped to track number seven, “Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off“.
“Had more wit, better kiss, hotter touch, a better fuck, then any boy you’ll ever meet, sweetie you had me,” Aiden and I sang along.
Tom looked back at us, “no making out in the back seat!”
Alice threw him a look, “perv.”
“Hey!” Aiden interjected, “you guys can make out in the front but we can’t make out in the back?”
“Exactly!” Tom laughed.
I stroked my hand down Aiden’s cheek seductively, turning his head to face me, “don’t worry. There will be plenty of time later…” I let my voice trail off, just joking around.
Aiden scooted closer to me well Tom and Alice made faces in the front.
Tom turned the CD, which was now on “London Beckons Songs About Money Written By Machines,” up, while we all sang along.
Soon enough, we pulled up in front of The Mausoleum. I could hear some old Fall Out Boy song playing from inside, “Chicago Is So Two Years Ago,” I think.
We quickly got our hands stamped and got ready to go in.
“Hold on there,” the bouncer pulled us back.
“What?”
“I need IDs.”
I glanced at Tom, knowing his permit wouldn’t get us in. The bouncer rolled his eyes as Tom shuffled through his wallet and came up with some lame ‘left it my other pants’ excuse, then grabbed a black marker and drew X’s on the back of our hands, then let us
in.
“Surprise!” Alice shrieked, grabbing my hand.
“Uh…?”
“Way to keep a secret,” Tom said sarcastically.
“Hm?” I wondered.
“There’s a show tonight!” Alice burst out, bubbly.
“Sweet,” I high-fived Aiden.
We walked back to the stage area where, as I thought, “Chicago Is So Two Years Ago” was playing on one of their huge stereos. I followed Tom and Alice to the center of the crowd. I watched as they danced together happily, Tom laying the occasional kiss on her cheek, neck, and lips. Every time he did, Alice would bat her mascara covered lashes and move her body closer to his, a smile on her lips. Tom would grin, pleased with his work, and go on dancing.
Aiden and I danced nervously, not used to the crowd, until the first band took the stage.
From First To Last started playing Two As One, then with what I’ve got to say was strong performance, We All Turn Back To Dust.
All around us people cheered and jumped up and down; I saw a mosh pit forming up front. I shied backwards a few steps, Aiden following me, though I loved mosh pits, I was not ready to do that now. I could see the bar to our left and all the already half drunk kids sitting at it, talking each other up.
They finished up with World’s Away and left.
A few minutes later, the next band walked onto the stage.
Guess who?
3OH!3.
Yes, 3OH!Fucking3!!!
I guess Alice figured it out. They happened to be one of my favorite bands ever.
After a little opening, they started they’re biggest hit, Don’t Trust Me.
“X's on the back of your hands
Wash them in the bathroom to drink like the bands.”
A smile crossed Aiden’s face and he pulled me back into the bathroom.
“What?”
“Lets do it.”
I rolled my eyes and started walking towards the entrance.
He grabbed my hand, “come’on, let lose.”
His eyes sparkled with trouble and danger.
“Ok. Lets do it.”
We quickly washed the X’s off the back of our hands and walked out to the bar, where Matt, Travis, and Derek, from First To Last, were sitting. I guess the song was true. Aiden ordered us some drinks and sat back down. My eyes darted back and forth nervously.
“Chillax,” he told me, laying a kiss on my lips, “its fine.”
His hand lingered against my body, allowing me to relax a little more until the drinks came and I took a sip.
“Wanna go back to the floor?” I asked him a few minutes later.
“Uh, no, you go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Ya, ya,” he waved me off.
I glanced around for Alice and Tom, but they were no where to be seen. I wrapped my arms around myself, the taste of beer lingering in my mouth. I swiped my tongue across my hand, wishing I could get the taste out. I hated being by myself out here, I felt like such a loser, but I’d also rather not drink. Truth be told, I didn’t really like the taste of this place’s crap beer much, though I’d never had it before, so maybe I just didn’t like the taste of beer.
So, I just kinda stood there for a while. About the time that 3OH!3 was finishing up there set, which was actually pretty long, they played not only there songs, but some good covers too, I decided to go look for Aiden.
Aiden laid there on the ground in front of me, something small in his hand. Upon closer examination, I saw it was a razor.
“No,” I whispered.
Aiden gently put the razor against his wrist. The lines I had seen earlier had multiplied to hundreds.
“No,” I whispered again.
Aiden looked up at me, eyes leaking sorrow and regret, “I’m sorry,” his whisper was barely audible.
He scraped the razor down his wrist and cried into the blood pooling all around him.
“Stop, stop,” I murmured again and again as Aiden kept making new cuts.
I watched as Aiden’s head dropped towards the ground and the puddle of blood around him expanded. The sight made me dizzy and I fell down beside him.
“Aiden! Please! No!”
Aiden looked up at me with pleading eyes, “I’m sorry,” he whispered again before dropping to the ground, dead.
“No!” I yelped.
I grabbed the razor and pushed it down across my arm and let myself bleed. I kissed him lightly and closed his eyes.
“Goodnight.”[/i[
My eyes fluttered open from the nightmare. Even though it had been several nights since I had first found out about Aiden’s cutting, every night was plagued with a new dream that ended in his suicide. Every night, I woke up, panting in a cold sweat, and walked across the room to check on Aiden. And every night, he was peacefully sleeping, his mouth slightly agape. I could hear his soft breath as it caught in his throat. I trailed my hand gently down his face. Sleeping angel. My sleeping angel.
He blinked his eyes open, shocked.
“Oh, crap, sorry, did I wake you?”
“Huh?” He rubbed sleep from his eyes. “Oh, uh, no, I…just woke up.”
“You have a nightmare?” I asked, noticing tears on his face.
He nodded slightly and curled up, like he was trying to make himself smaller.
“Want me to sleep with you?”
A dirty smile crossed his lips and he nodded, “please!”
I crawled into bed next to him, tucking my freezing body under the covers, brushing my arms and legs up against him.
“Not what I meant….but if it will make you feel better!” I joked.
Aiden wrapped his arms around me lovingly, whispering a thanks in my ear. I loved the tingle of his breathing, which soon became slow and even with sleep, against my face.
I couldn’t imagine life without him.
~ TIME SKIP!! ~
When I woke up, Aiden was already awake, sitting up, perched on the bed beside me.
“Holy craaaaaaaap,” I rolled off the bed backwards, not expecting that awakening.
Aiden giggled giddily and jumped down beside me.
“Morning sunshine!”
“Morning, Aiden, thanks for, uh, waking me up.”
He laughed again, “you’re welcome!”
“Sarcasm, Aiden, sarcasm, you have so much to learn!” I roughed his hair.
‘Hey....
You always seem to catch me when I'm lying
About the stupidest of things
Okay....
Stand there while I stab you in the back
With the words I never never never should have taken this so far.’
Wow. It had been forever since I heard my cell phone play that. It was my ring tone for Alice.
“Heyheyhey, Ronan,” Alice greeted me as soon as I flipped open my black Motorola razor phone.
“Hey, Alice, waz uhp?”
“Party. Tonight. At Mausoleum. Meet us there? And bring Aiden.”
Mausoleum was a bar that rented out the back room for parties. It was a basic teenage hangout.
“Sweet. What time? Fuck ya. And of course.”
“Ok, wait…we’ll pick you up.”
“How?”
“Tom’s car…”
“Sweet!”
Last time I had seen him we’d been to young…well, we still were. Tom wasn’t. Tom was a few years older than us. We were fourteen, Tom was sixteen, Alice was fifteen. He had his permit. But, it wasn’t creepy that Tom was dating Alice, like an older guy thing, she had an end of year birthday and he had a beginning of year one, so they were actually pretty close in age.
I heard the click on the other end of the line.
“Aiden! Guess what we’re doing tonight!”
“Hm?”
“PARTY!”
It’s been forever since Aiden and I went to a party, or even went out. Not that we were unpopular, cuz we weren’t. Wait…yes we were. Well, really it was because Aiden and I were close and happy being together, just a quiet day with the two of us. Alice and Tom were pretty much our only friends outside of each other. A couple kids liked us, but it was just the four of us who I’d actually consider friends.
“Awesome! Alice? Tom?” He questioned.
“Ya,” I confirmed, nodding my head.
Aiden grinned happily, “its so cool to see them again! I mean, I know that makes me sound like a nerd, but still…its like a childhood reunion.”
“You’re right,” I smiled, “that does make you sound like a nerd.”
“Oh, hahaha,” he responded sarcastically, “you’re soooo funny!”
“Pfft, you know it, so what are you going to wear?”
“You know, you have got to be the gayest guy I know!”
“Um, isn’t that something that’s good for you?”
“I wasn’t complaining!”
We laughed for a while and then ended up playing video games all day. Before we knew it, Alice was calling to tell us she was on her way over.
I threw on a black Scary Kids Scaring Kids shirt with bright green, blue, yellow, and white lettering and a black pair of pants along with black and white checkered vans. Aiden wore an Aiden shirt (hehe, kinda punny) with a skull and chains and a dark wash pair of jeans with Jack and Sally flats.
Tom honked his horn from outside and, shoving my wallet in my pocket, I grabbed Aiden’s hand and dragged him upstairs.
“Hey,” Tom greeted us as we jumped in the backset of his Acura car, “waz uhp my gay home boys?”
“Hey, waz uhp with you my straight home boy?”
“Haha, we are so gansta,” he laughed.
Alice started shaking her head, “why do I hang out with you guys?”
Tom and leaned over and kissed her, swerving the car.
“HOLY CRAP! EYES ON THE ROAD! EYES ON THE FUCKING ROAD!” I screamed, clinging to Aiden.
Alice pushed Tom off her, “I think he’s right…”
“Pfft. But you know why you hang out with us now, right?”
Alice rolled her eyes as Tom switched on the CD player, popped in A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out by Panic! At The Disco, and skipped to track number seven, “Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off“.
“Had more wit, better kiss, hotter touch, a better fuck, then any boy you’ll ever meet, sweetie you had me,” Aiden and I sang along.
Tom looked back at us, “no making out in the back seat!”
Alice threw him a look, “perv.”
“Hey!” Aiden interjected, “you guys can make out in the front but we can’t make out in the back?”
“Exactly!” Tom laughed.
I stroked my hand down Aiden’s cheek seductively, turning his head to face me, “don’t worry. There will be plenty of time later…” I let my voice trail off, just joking around.
Aiden scooted closer to me well Tom and Alice made faces in the front.
Tom turned the CD, which was now on “London Beckons Songs About Money Written By Machines,” up, while we all sang along.
Soon enough, we pulled up in front of The Mausoleum. I could hear some old Fall Out Boy song playing from inside, “Chicago Is So Two Years Ago,” I think.
We quickly got our hands stamped and got ready to go in.
“Hold on there,” the bouncer pulled us back.
“What?”
“I need IDs.”
I glanced at Tom, knowing his permit wouldn’t get us in. The bouncer rolled his eyes as Tom shuffled through his wallet and came up with some lame ‘left it my other pants’ excuse, then grabbed a black marker and drew X’s on the back of our hands, then let us
in.
“Surprise!” Alice shrieked, grabbing my hand.
“Uh…?”
“Way to keep a secret,” Tom said sarcastically.
“Hm?” I wondered.
“There’s a show tonight!” Alice burst out, bubbly.
“Sweet,” I high-fived Aiden.
We walked back to the stage area where, as I thought, “Chicago Is So Two Years Ago” was playing on one of their huge stereos. I followed Tom and Alice to the center of the crowd. I watched as they danced together happily, Tom laying the occasional kiss on her cheek, neck, and lips. Every time he did, Alice would bat her mascara covered lashes and move her body closer to his, a smile on her lips. Tom would grin, pleased with his work, and go on dancing.
Aiden and I danced nervously, not used to the crowd, until the first band took the stage.
From First To Last started playing Two As One, then with what I’ve got to say was strong performance, We All Turn Back To Dust.
All around us people cheered and jumped up and down; I saw a mosh pit forming up front. I shied backwards a few steps, Aiden following me, though I loved mosh pits, I was not ready to do that now. I could see the bar to our left and all the already half drunk kids sitting at it, talking each other up.
They finished up with World’s Away and left.
A few minutes later, the next band walked onto the stage.
Guess who?
3OH!3.
Yes, 3OH!Fucking3!!!
I guess Alice figured it out. They happened to be one of my favorite bands ever.
After a little opening, they started they’re biggest hit, Don’t Trust Me.
“X's on the back of your hands
Wash them in the bathroom to drink like the bands.”
A smile crossed Aiden’s face and he pulled me back into the bathroom.
“What?”
“Lets do it.”
I rolled my eyes and started walking towards the entrance.
He grabbed my hand, “come’on, let lose.”
His eyes sparkled with trouble and danger.
“Ok. Lets do it.”
We quickly washed the X’s off the back of our hands and walked out to the bar, where Matt, Travis, and Derek, from First To Last, were sitting. I guess the song was true. Aiden ordered us some drinks and sat back down. My eyes darted back and forth nervously.
“Chillax,” he told me, laying a kiss on my lips, “its fine.”
His hand lingered against my body, allowing me to relax a little more until the drinks came and I took a sip.
“Wanna go back to the floor?” I asked him a few minutes later.
“Uh, no, you go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Ya, ya,” he waved me off.
I glanced around for Alice and Tom, but they were no where to be seen. I wrapped my arms around myself, the taste of beer lingering in my mouth. I swiped my tongue across my hand, wishing I could get the taste out. I hated being by myself out here, I felt like such a loser, but I’d also rather not drink. Truth be told, I didn’t really like the taste of this place’s crap beer much, though I’d never had it before, so maybe I just didn’t like the taste of beer.
So, I just kinda stood there for a while. About the time that 3OH!3 was finishing up there set, which was actually pretty long, they played not only there songs, but some good covers too, I decided to go look for Aiden.
♠ ♠ ♠
Awwwww, yes, I know its short. But I PROMISE! the next one is going to be longer. Seriously, I just had to cut it there so it would be easier. Really.Yes, I took the plot, or part of it, at least, from that line in Don't Trust Me.