I´m trying

I didn’t say anything. Just open the door and walk into the room.
He followed me, and closed the door behind him.
We stood there, looking each other for a minute, without saying anything just looking; I tried to slow down my heart beats, afraid that he may listened to it.
He took a step forward. Before He could said anything I cut him off.

“I don’t feel like talking now, ok?” I said without interest biting my lip ring.
“You’ll have to listen to me, you like it or not Frank.” He was serious, but nervous at the same time; I notice that his palms were sweating
“What ever”. I put my hands in the pockets of the pant I was using as a pyjama and shrink my shoulders. “I’m listening”.
“I miss you, Dude, I really do, and I don’t want you to think that I used you to define my sexuality or something like that, because I’ll never use you, never, you’re my best friend and I love you. And Lind-Z will never take your place in my life. But ..”
He looked at the ceiling looking for the right words, probably the right words to say I don’t want you nicely.
“I can’t forget the fact that me and my best friend made out and..” Ok Here it goes, I prepared myself to hear this rejection openly.
“You ask me for me to swear it on my Grandma memory, if I didn’t feel anything” He sighed.
“And I could say it, no Frankie I didn’t felt what you felt. But I can’t lie on my grandma memory right.”

Is he telling me what I think he is telling?

” I thought maybe if I didn’t get close to you on stage or talk to you or touch you, this thing inside me would disappear, but it didn’t, it only grew more.” He buried his face in his hands.
“Even when I am with Lind-z I…” Looking at the ceiling… ”God, I….…..shit.” He was rubbing his eyes.
“I’m scaring you ,isn’t"
He told me when he saw my eyes petrified.
“Sorry” He turned around to leave, and then I reacted.
“No wait” He turns to look at me.

I put myself closer to him and give him a soft kiss on the lips. He just closed his eyes and smile.
He grabbed my face with his hands an start to gave me kisses all over my face, my nose, my cheek, and then low my neck, I can feel his tongue caressing my skin., sending waves of pleasure to my spine with every kiss, his lips left my neck and took my lips in a sweet kiss.
I put my arms around his waist and pull him closer to me. His tongue drifted gently into my mouth and caressed mine, softly first, as the kiss continues the intensity of this grew and grew. My tongue dancing with his, in a battle for control, I could feel the heat in my body increasing, and that wasn’t the only thing that was increasing in my body. He was caressing my hair, putting me closer, deepening the kiss. We broke apart trying to catch our breaths.
I looked directly in his eyes and remove my t-shirt. He gave a nervous smile and removed his. We stared to kissing again,
He led me to the bed, now that ours t shirts where lost in the floor. I undone the bottoms of his pants and lowed the zipper as he was kissing me in the neck again, this time I giggled.
“I love your laugh” He gave a smirk. “Did I ever told you that?”.
I giggle again and wrinkle my nose
“No”.
“Well is fucking hot”. I giggle as we both felt on the bed, he on the top of me kissing my chest, my belly, I felt like my hole body was about to exploit, I wanted him so bad.

He read my mind when He took off my pants an star to play with the edge of my boxers, I started to moan for placer, suddenly he star to rubbing my already hard member, as he did, he kiss me again, furiously on the lips. I whispered his name between moans.
“uhmm Gee” The speed of the movements, made my body arch in placer. I opened my eyes to see Gerard smiling at me. I was close, when he increased the speed, I feel like an explosion inside. When I finally reach my orgasm on Gerard hand.
He lay next to and gives soft kisses in the neck. After a while I was able to talk.

“I want you inside me, Gee” I kissed him in the mouth reassuring my petition.
“I don’t know….”
“We figure it out together, it’s okay…” I was confident, scared like a girl, but I trusted in him and even more important I wanted him, I wanted to feel him, so bad. I put myself on top of him. I stared to kiss his chest, soft kisses, I didn’t want to rush things. I removed his pant with his help, he took me by the hip and turn me over, I lay on my back and put my leg around his waist.
His hand still on my hips, pressing his body against mine trying to fusion our bodies, The pressure of his body was a sweet torture. I started to take off his boxer. He looked at me nervous again.
I give a reassurance kiss and continued with my task, I also lost my underwear. We were both naked, things will never be the same, we had reached the point of not return, we were both naked and not only in body but in souls and spirits, we stay an instant like this, my leg wrapped to this torso, I was enjoying the moment, I took his face in my hands. And kiss him with all the passion I can give him
I turn over.
He distributed kisses in my back and I moan as I felt how his teeth are playing with my skin, his tongue was like a hot iron burning my body. He managed to reach my ass, and kissed it, I had to bite the sheets.
“Do it”
He took a deep breath and put his erected member in my enter and pushes a little. Just a little, but even with him being gentle I felt the pain.
“Keep going”, I said containing the tears. I can’t see his face but imagine that he is worry to hurt me.
“It’s okay” I said trying to give him confidence. He pushed more, now the tears are coming down my face.
“Frank are you ok?”
“Yeap” I lied. I bite the sheets more and squeeze them.

Slowly he pushed more and more until I feel it, he has reach the spot, slowly the pain is changed for something else, I forget about the pain and star to feel a kind of pleasure that I never felt before, a burning sensation, the sensation is all over me, taken posession of me. He pushed the whole thing inside. And started to move easily. I want more of this delight , my whole body is reacting now,
As he moved faster and faster inside me, my mind went blank, all I can feel is the placer, the heat, all I can feel is Gerard.
“Shit”. I heard him saying. I’m close to reach, as he also is. He got close to me and bite my neck. I moaned again. We said a couple more of curses. I couldn’t take it anymore, the rhythm of our bodies, the unison of our hearts, I don’t know how much time I could stand, is like a whole lifetime contain, we are both screaming each others name as both reach the ultimate placer. He collapses on to of me, both breathing heavily unable to talk or even form a thought.

...

An hour later, we were both layin in bed, covered by the sheets and smoking, my arms behind my head.
We haven’t said a word. I’m freaking out, I’m just want to stay there forever, I don’t want nothing to changes, I want to keep making love with Gerard every night since tonight.
There is an awkward silence, so I try to formulate something to said.
“So who is the girly one.”
He looked at me like, duh!
“You. Obviously.”
“Why me?” I asked pretending innocence.
“You giggle like a woman.”
“You wear make up.”
“You too.”
“You have the whole set”
“You wear tiaras.” I couldn’t argue with that.
We both exploited in laughs, like we always did.
“So, now what happens?” I whispered. Finally finding the courage to speak of the real matter.
“I don’t’ know. Is no one business” He said to me with a hard face.
“So you mean no one will know” I arched my eyebrows and lit another cigarette.
“Yeah” He said as I gave him the cigar.
“Even Lind-Z?”
He froze. I turned to face him.
“I can’t leave her Frank, it’s weird but I love her. You love Jamia right?”
“Yeah. I know. So We stop here? The first and the last.” I’m in panic

He put a panic face too…and caressing my face.
“I..I don’t……shit, you’re so beautiful.” It’s a mix of confusion, pain, regret and love.
I smile at him.
“I don’t want to lose you” I think for a moment, biting my lip….. I didn’t know that my next words will be my dead sentence for the months to come.
“I’d rather shared you than lose you”