Folie à Deux

Our show that night went well, even the bit where Gabe snuck onstage during our last song to pick Zoe up and sling her over his shoulder, forcing her to finish the song while upside down. As the new kids, I guess we should have expected some hazing.

Later, after I had managed to get almost all the makeup off my face, I stood in the shadows, watching Panic! At The Disco. Brendon was electric, even the bits where he couldn’t quite hit the high notes and his voice cracked. He was singing something about a goddamn door, sharing a microphone with Ryan, and during a pause in the words, he rolled his hips suggestively and, before I realized what had happened, leaned in to plant a kiss on Ryan’s cheek. The audience went crazy, while Brendon flashed that dazzling white smile and Ryan pinched his lips together in a discontented way that I doubt anyone else noticed.

I smiled at them shyly as they came offstage.

“Good job,” I said.

“You too,” said Ryan. “Go ahead, I’ll be there in a sec,” he tossed to Brendon and the others, and they headed for the dressing rooms.

“Want to go for a walk after I get this shit off my face?” he asked. “This is the part where they all go back to the hotel and get drunk, and I don’t really feel like dealing with it.”

I nodded, trying to subdue the blush that threatened to overwhelm my face.

“Cool,” he smiled. “Meet you here in five, then.”

We set off into the cool night air, only barely escaping a few fangirls.

“There’s a park this way,” I gestured toward the park I’d sat in earlier that day. We took a cab and made our way over to a jungle gym. Ryan scrambled up a slide, then turned around and went right back down again.

“Swings?” he proposed. I nodded. The chains squeaked as I sat.

“Do you still get stage fright?” I asked out of nowhere.

“Nope. Stage kinda feels like home these days.”

I made a noncommittal noise.

“Are you excited for tour?” he asked.

I made another noncommittal noise.

“Really?” he asked, smiling sideways at me, making the swing twist slightly.

“I just…I don’t know. It’s not my band, I guess.”

“Why are you in it, then?”

“It just happened. When my parents died we moved in with Hadley, and her and Zoe were basically my only friends, and so since they wanted to do it I really had no other option,” I confessed.

“What would you have done if your parents hadn’t died?” he asked. I would have called him nosy but I could see the sympathy on his face.

“Art school, I think. It just…I mean. I’m sure Zoe meant well, but she’s nowhere near…I mean, she just doesn’t have her shit together, you know?” and I could feel the long-hidden frustration boiling over in my voice.

“It’s hard, isn’t it,” he whispers, and it’s a statement and not a question.

“It’s just…I had to grow up all of a sudden. There was no more guide, there was no one left to tell me what to do, I just had to figure it all out way before I should have, and so a few things just didn’t happen the way they should have.”

“Yeah.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?” he asked, and his expression is guarded.

“Your dad.”

“He was an alcoholic, before he died.”

“Oh.”

“I think I stopped being a kid the second I realized that he was drunk.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” I was blushing and I hoped he couldn’t see it. I hadn’t meant to pry.

“It’s okay. But, hey, want to talk about something a little…happier?” His smile was back.

We stayed on the swings for another two hours, talking about our childhoods and our favorite books and who knows what else. I think zombies came up at one point.

When we finally did head home, it was about midnight. We rode the elevator in comfortable silence. But my heart dropped as we entered the hallway.

Hadley was sitting there, slumped against the wall, and I could hear her sobbing even from the end of the hall. Nate was crouching next to her, and I couldn’t hear what exactly he was saying but it sounded vaguely comforting. I sprinted toward them, Ryan close behind.

“What happened? What did you do?” I growled, a fierce protectiveness obliterating my usual shyness.

“Nothing. It was Pete,” said Nate darkly, standing up.

“Okay, I’ll take care of her,” I said firmly. I crouched down and wrapped my arm around Hadley, pulling her up to stand, and she turned and sobbed into my shoulder.

“You can go now,” I snapped to Nate, who was still standing there like he would be able to help somehow. He flinched a little, nodded, and opened a nearby door, momentarily letting out the sounds of what sounded like a very raucous party.

“Need any help?” said Ryan softly, and there was a smile on his lips and something surprised and respectful in his eyes.

“No thanks. See you tomorrow,” I said, a little wistfully, pulling Hadley toward our door without a backwards glance.