Snapshots of Reality

I was hurt, and I don't mean hurt as in, 'wow man that was a hardcore burn' I mean I was really hurt. If felt like someone had poked me with a red hot fireplace poker in the place where my heart had been. I had nothing right now, Max was being a jerk and Ronnie hated me. The only reason I did what I did was because I wanted Ronnie and he didn't want me. I groaned and took another swig of alcohol. It burned my throat, the tears burned my eyes, and Ronnie hurt my heart. Whatever. Fuck him I don't need him. I took a longer drink and set it down and placed my head in my hands. I was so scared when Brad had called me and Max about Ronnie. And when I ran into that hospital and saw him hooked up to machines, I freaked out. The boy that I cared so much about almost died thinking that I only cared about Max. I picked up the bottle and took the last drink. I had just finished twenty four fluid ounces of vodka in twenty minutes outside of a hospital. Yes, I was still at the hospital. I couldn't face Max right now, but I would never abandon Ronnie, not on these terms. I stood up and fell back down. "Tough break baby dool." I looked over and glared into the dark, Max was walking up to me. "No, you get away from me right now. You sold me out, made it all my fault. The only reason I did that is because I was upset. You lied, Ronnie didn't want me, and the one time I needed a friend to stick up for me you cowered down, so do not and I repeat do not come near me Maxwell Green." He laughed at me and sat next to me. "He is my best friend Clover, what did you expect me to say?" "Something different than what you did, now if you will excuse me I am going to go fix what you broke."

I walked back into Ronnie's room and he glared at me. "Get out." I shook my head and took a seat. "I will not leave like this Ronnie. We were friends, we are friends. Yeah what I did with Max was wrong, just like what you did with my sister was wrong. Yeah it hurts doesn't it? Now you know what I felt like. You will not treat me like this Ronnie not after what I did for you today." "What did you do for me?" His comment was mean and pointed. "I am the one that called the ambulance Ronnie, I am the one who made sure you were breathing. I ran after the ambulance because they wouldn't let me in. How about that Ronnie? Huh, how about that!" I couldn't help but let the tears fall down my face. "What were you thinking mixing cocaine and heroine Ronnie, and the alcohol. You almost died!" He looked at me still upset with what I have done, that much was evident, but there was something else there but I was not sure what it was.

I stood up and made my way to the bed and looked at him. "When you kissed me I was afraid that you just wanted to use me, okay? I didn't know how to deal with it. I was scared because I like you and I was freaked out that you might just want to use me and I was going to let you." I smiled and wiped away one of the tears and slowly leaned down and pressed my lips lightly on his. "Excuse me ma'am, visiting hours are over. Mr. Radke will be released tomorrow morning." I nodded and went downstairs into the waiting room. I refused to leave and before I knew it I was being prodded awake by Ronnie.

We made our way back to his house silently and when we got there I stood akwardly in his drive way. "So, does this mean you are done with drugs?" He shook his head and I laughed. "Just means I will have to be more careful." I nodded and he took my hand and squeezed it. "You should go home, you look terrible. I will be over in a little while we need to talk about some stuff." I nodded and went off toward my own house. When I got there I laughed when I noticed the poster board hanging off of the connecting board. 'Sorry' was all it said. "It's okay!" I yelled to Max who I knew was listening because I heard him laugh. I smiled and walked up the steps and into my house. I had to shower before I heard what Ronnie had to say, all I had to do was play it safe and persuade him Max meant nothing to me, that however might be easier said than done.