Snapshots of Reality

I had spent most of the day on stage and I had only saw Clover once. She blew me a kiss and then disappeared. As we wrapped up our last performance for the night I looked around in the crowd. I didn't see Clover, or anyone I knew for that matter. I waved bye to all the cheering fans and followed my band mates back stage. Shauna, Jennifer, and Rider were standing in a circle doing some major gossiping. I found Oli talking to a tall blond and decided to question him.

"Where's Clover?" The blond shot me a glare before smiling at me. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Oli. "Do you know or not? Nicky is with her and I need to talk to Nicky."

"Actually I haven't seen her all day." He put a finger up to the impatient blond. "So if she wants to ignore people for stupid reasons, then I say fuck it. I'm trying but she doesn't care about me. Now you." He laughed. "I've seen the way she looks at you and I know you don't feel the same, but still."

I nodded and left him standing there. I didn't need to explain anything to him. All I wanted to do right now was find Clover and give her the ring. I was tired of Oli keeping us apart and I was getting tired of this tour anyways. I was willing to drop it all for Clover. I headed to the Bring me the Horizon bus and knocked on the door. The other side was silent and I figured she was sleeping. I opened the door and walked into the completely dark bus.

"Clover?" I called out, and didn't recieve an answer.

I hurried into the bedroom to find her bags missing. Her pillow, and blankets were gone. My heart speed up and all I could think about was last time. She left me, she knew I cared and left me. She wouldn't do that again. I knew she wouldn't hurt me in that way. I ran back to our bus to find Max and Rider talking on the couch. They seemed to be getting closer already and I ran my fingers through my black, slightly greasy, hair. She was gone, when Rider and Max could actually express there love, Clover was nowhere to be seen.

"Rider?" I asked my voice shaky. "Where's Clover."

"I can't." She mouthed. "I don't know where they went."

"They?" I yelled the question.

"Nicky and Clover left together. I'm so sorry.I don't know why she is putting you through this again."

I dropped down onto my knees and stared at the ring I had in my hands. I bought the diamond ring with the only money I had for her. I wanted her to be a permenent part of me life, but I guess she didn't want that. She was gone again. This time I wouldn't go after her because she didn't want me to. I dropped the ring onto the floor and left Max and Rider staring at it. I couldn't be here I needed to go somewhere. You need a fix.

You stole my heart, but I had it first.

It was another night in another hospital. I had gone and got fucked up once again. I was doing so good and then she left me, My head was filled with Clover. It started with the first time I met her and when she left. She was always leaving me? Did I do something to push her away? I pulled the IV out of my arm and got up from the bed. I needed to get the hell out of this place.

"Ronald Joseph Radke. Get your ass back in that bed." I looked over to see Brad.

"Brad?" I blinked and stumbled back. "You shouldn't be here. You were in a bad accident and you live far away with your perfect family."

"I recovered. My family is fine. I'm here to see how you are." He walked closer to me "Now get into the bed so you can get better."

"I can't." I said trying to get pass him. "I know Clover doesn't want me to find her, but I've got to. I've got to man, I was going to ask her to marry me."

"I know." He said hugging me. "It's going to be okay Ronnie. You got me and the band and a thousand of other people wanting to help you."

I eventually gave in and went back to the hospital bed. My IV was put back into my arm and I lay there miserable. I didn't want to be here anymore. Clover had become the only reason worth living and now she was gone. I looked over at Brad, he was talking to someone on the phone and he didn't look happy. I wished he could contact Clover and let her know how badly this had effected me. I had feeling that this was the end of us, and worse, this was the end of me.