Snapshots of Reality

I sat there for awhile thinking about what just happened. Max's words kept playing through my mind.He uses girls like he changes shirts. I refused to be that girl. The one that just gave it up to him. I would not be my sister. I mean I liked Ronnie but what was that? Was he high or did that not mean anything? Several different scenarios passed through my mind and I tried my best to ignore them, but I had very little luck. Finally, I just gave up and made my way out onto the board connecting our houses. I knew Ronnie was over there, and I wanted to go over there, but what if he was telling Max how terrible I was for denying him? I sat down in the center of the board and looked at the ground. It was at least a thirty foot drop, and I had always been afraid of heights, but right now I was more afraid of what was going on in that room.

Eventually, I sucked it up and made my way to Max's window. I climbed in effortlessly and took a seat on the bed. Neither of the boys noticed me, they were busy snorting something white and powdery. "I want some." Both boys jumped and looked at me. Ronnie smiled and ushered for me to join them. I swallowed and sat n the floor next to them. "Come on Ronnie." Max said, his voice was pleading, but Ronnie took no notice. Instead he just passed me the straw. He showed me what to do and when I did, I instantly regreted it. My nostril began to burn and my eyes watered. The pain was immense. But, if this is the person they wanted, this was the person I was going to be. Max groaned and I placed the straw down and looked at Ronnie. I could tell he was thinking about something, but I couldn't figure out exactly what it was. "So, Ronnie man, are you going home tonight?" Max asked. Ronnie turned his head slowly and nodded. "Yeah, I haven't been home in a few days so I definetely should. Actually, I think I am going to go now."

Ronnie stood up and took the substance and the straw with him. I watched Max for awhile. The second Ronnie was out the door he turned to me and put his head on his hands. "So?" I immediately knew what he was talking about. "What?" "You know the kiss." He smiled and prodded my leg with his finger. "You know it was just a kiss it meant nothing. You said so yourself he likes to use girls." He sighed and looked at me. "Yes, he likes to have sex with girls, not kiss girls. I don't see you with wild sex hair, and you know why?" "Because he left." Then his point dawned on me. "Are you trying to say that he actually likes me?" 'I don't know that is something you have to ask him." I nodded and began to feel a little sicker than normal. "I got to go home." He nodded and I stood up and made my way toward the window. The trip was a little bit more difficult than normal but I made it across and ran to the bathroom. I threw up as soon as I made it to the bathroom. I groaned and grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth at least six times before hustling back to my room. I grabbed a light blue tube top and a pair of skinny jeans and a stud belt. I slipped on my converse and snatched my sunglasses off of my dresser. I ran down the stairs and looked at Rider. "Which bedroom is his?" "Third one from the left, it has a tree in front of it." I nodded and ran out onto the street and straight to Ronnie's house. I knocked on the door and waited until there was an answer. "Yes?" It was a man who looked like an older version of Ronnie. "Is Ronnie here?" He nodded and pushed the door open for me to come in. "He is in his room." I nodded and ran up the stairs until I found the door. It had a keep out sign that I couldn't help but laugh at. I threw open the door. He was sleeping peacefully on the floor. I went over and sat by him and began to run my fingers through his hair and began to sing softly to him. "What are you singing?" I was startled to see that he was awake. "Um..Balance by A Skylit Drive." He nodded and closed his eyes. "Ronnie?" "Yes?" "Do you like me?" He looked at me and I waited for his response. It was like walking on broken glass, painful and long. "I don't know. Wouldn't matter anyway I am not one for relationships. I think Max likes you though, maybe you can get with him." I nodded as my heart dropped into my stomach. "Well, my window is open if you need me, partially due to the board in it. Bye Ronnie." I stood up and hurried out of the house and down the street before the tears began to pour down my cheeks.

I ran into Max's room and placed my lips on his. He seemed startled at first, but eventually, our lips were moving together and our clothes were flying. I knew I was making a mistake. I felt it as we were laying sweaty in his bed two hours later. It was my fault. I messed up big time. What was I going to tell Ronnie? Would he ever forgive me? I rolled over and looked at Max. He was amazing, but he was no Ronnie. I thought about it for awhile longer and suddenly I felt as though I was going to throw up again. I wanted Ronnie, and I was in bed with Max. At the back of my mind I couldn't help but wonder what have I done?