Always Hurts Looking Back

"How have you been Max?" I asked sitting down with him.

"I've been good. Our band made it big time so we're pretty happy. How have you been holding up?"

"I've been good. I miss Vegas; I haven't been there since I left."

"Take a vacation. Come back with us for a few days."

"I don't think Ronnie would like that." He could see the pain cross my face. I didn't understand myself on how I could care so much about him now. It's been a year, and I'm in a stable relationship with Jimmie. Even though I knew all that I just could not shake the feeling.

"Fuck Ronnie, he is going to have to get over himself." I couldn't help a small smile crack on my face.

"Ah, I love you Max." I wrapped my arms around him.

"You have no idea how weird it was for us with you gone. We had no food in the place for weeks."

"You're completely lost without me."

"Wait a minute, you guys know each other?" Steve asked.

"Yeah man, Madz lived with Ronnie and I for over a year."

"Killer," Steve smiled.

"How's Poe?" Max asked.

"He's wonderful, and he's gotten so big! You should come and see him. Unless you still hate dogs."

"No no, I've gotten better. I miss the little dog waking me up." Max paused for a moment.
"Ronnie misses you. He won't admit it, but he does." I could sense Max was hiding something. I didn't question it. There were two other guys standing in front of us.

"Oh Maddie, these two lovely gentleman," Max started, but was interrupted by Ronnie snorting from the door.
Max continued, "Are the other two musical geniuses of Escape the Fate. The little guy is Bryan, and Mr. Slash is Robert." Robert held a camera and waved. Bryan shyly waved at me too.

"Nice meeting you guys."

"Well correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe we're filming something." Ronnie said icily. Max stood up, and helped me up. We went outside and I sat down in a chair. Other people sat around me, Max stayed standing, and Ronnie sat one seat away from me. From the corner of my eye I could see Ronnie looking at me, but talking to the camera.

"Hey!" He yelled to the camera.
"Check this out, Lion King." Then Ronnie sang the beginning of the opening credit song in The Lion King. I tried suppressing a laugh, but failed causing it to sound like I was choking. I coughed again trying to cover it up. I picked up my coffee and took a sip. Real smooth.

"You better?" Ronnie asked sourly. I could only nod my head. Max came behind me and rubbed my shoulders comfortly.

We arrived back at the venue for the band's sound check. As we walked past the people waiting in line I couldn't help but feel jealousy when girls would call Ronnie's name and he would respond in a way that would break your heart.

We got in and I stood on the empty floor that would soon be filled with hundreds of screaming fans. Ronnie was on stage with a microphone in his hands. A tech guy was next to him holding a guitar. Ronnie cleared his throat into the mic and the other guy started strumming the guitar. After 20ish or 30ish seconds Ronnie began singing.

The song was slower than I would have imagined, and I could tell he had a lot of emotions in it. He finished it and began messing around by singing some Third Eye Blind. I smiled from the back, and saw Max come stand next to me.

"You're still not over him are you?"

"I am he's just a friend I wish I hadn't lost."

"Really, how is it that I doubt that?"

"Well I'm dating someone if you must know."

"Really who?" Max asked shocked.

"Jimmie, the guy who gave me the job here," I told him slightly afraid of his reaction.

"That's cool." He said.

"I do miss him though."

"I'll be sure to let him know."

"Max come on! They're gonna start letting people in now." Robert called from the stage. Max looked at me and gave me a hug.

"I'll see you after the show."

Max disappeared back stage, and Steve waved me goodbye too. I stood up close at the fence blocking access to the stage. I wanted to make sure I would be there the whole night so I never left. Soon the whole place was packed with all sorts of people. Short people, tall people, girls, guys, punks, and groupies. I have been to enough shows to pick out each person in a crowd.

The first band began playing, and even though I had no idea who they were I jumped along with them. Another band played, and then after that I Am Ghost played. I couldn't believe that just a day ago I was jamming out to them in my car, and now I knew the lead singer and was at their show. It just blew my mind. Throughout the first three bands my mind away traveled to the headliner.

Escape the Fate was up next and I couldn't get the knot out of my stomach. The lights dimmed and music began to play. Robert was set behind his drums, and Bryan and Max walked out with their instruments. Ronnie began singing from back stage and stormed on stage while singing their first song.

Throughout the whole show I couldn't stop jumping. I couldn't stop screaming along with the crowd. I also couldn't stop staring at Ronnie. I don't think he noticed. How could he notice one person in a crowd of people? I believe it is pretty impossible.

The show ended, and people started leaving. I stood still waiting for my heart to start beating at a regular pace. I waited for Max or Steve to come out and get me. I wasn't going to leave until I saw them. Who knew when I would get to see Max again? I didn't know.

A stiff hand grabbed my arm and whipped me around.

"Ma'am you have to leave." A large security officer told me.

"Someone's coming out to get me." I told him.

"You have to leave."

"You don't understand."

"I don't think you understand honey. You have to get out of here. No one is coming to get you, so stop getting your hopes up." He grabbed both my arms and dragged me outside. I tried fighting to get out of his grasp, but it was no use. Once we were outside the building he threw me onto the cement ground.

"Fuck," I muttered at my bleeding arms, and knees. I got up and walked angrily to my car. I sat on the hood for twenty minutes as I watched the buses pile out of the venue. I shook my head in disbelief and got into my car. I started it and sped off home.