Sequel: Memoirs of a Gay Guy : 1000 Things ›
Status: Complete.
Memoirs of a Gay Guy : Till September
Entry : 23
Yesterday was the first day of school after the holiday break. I was both excited and nervous to see Riley and Jeremy, until I remembered my New Year's resolution; not to dwell on finding romance. When Fin and I saw Riley, she ran up and gave him a hug and when he was released, he put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Good to see you, Will." I smiled and said, "Good to see you too."
My classes were, for the most part, uneventful. In fact, the most exciting part of my day yesterday was lunch time. I was sitting with Fin and Riley, in front of me and Fin's lockers, talking about...American Idol, I think. Around twenty minutes into the conversation, I told them I was going to the cafeteria to get a drink. After I'd bought my drink, I entered the part of the cafeteria with the tables, with the intention of just passing through.
When I was in the middle of the room I heard a voice call from behind me, "Will!" I turned and saw that it was Jeremy. He was sitting with a girl I recognized from Fin's rugby team, whose name I learned is Emma. Jeremy was holding a sandwich in one hand and waving me over with the other.
"Sit down," he said with a smile when I'd walked over to them. So I sat down and he introduced me to Emma and asked me about my holiday break. I told him about my Christmas in North Bay and my New Year's with Fin. Just when he'd started to tell me about his break, a group of guys in grade 11 walked by and one of them pointed and said, "Look, the queers flock together. Enjoying lunch ladies?," he added, leering at us. His friends all laughed along with him as they left the room.
I felt as if I'd been punched in the stomach and slapped in the face. My eyes were burning, my face was pale and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I got up from the table abruptly, saying, "I have to go."
I practically ran back to my locker and I didn't stop when I heard Jeremy behind me calling, "Will, wait!" I didn't stop when Fin and Riley asked what was wrong when I passed them by. I didn't stop until I got outside, the cold hitting me like a brick wall.
I didn't even have 15 seconds to myself before I was hit again, by three concerned voices, all echoing more or less the same thing. I silenced them all when I turned to face them.
"What did I do?" I said. "What did I do?! I don't deserve this, I didn't do anything. I don't even know that guy so what gives him the right to do this to me, huh? To us," I added, looking to Jeremy. "What right does anyone have to take me down a peg for just wanting to be who I am?"
I paused and Fin came forward and I let myself fall into her waiting arms. There's really nothing quite like one of Fin's hugs. She's amazing. I whispered the whole thing to her while we hugged and over her shoulder I saw Jeremy talking to Riley, no doubt explaining what had happened.
After school, Jeremy came to my locker and asked if we could talk. He told me that it was normal to react the way that I did, but in the long run, I'll just have go get used to things like that. There's a lot of prejudice in the world and I'm going to have to learn to deal with it. It was just unfortunate, Jeremy said, that I had my first taste of it only a little over a moth after coming out.
He also told me that an angry reaction just feeds the fire. Getting angry won't erase the words, it won't make the person who said them any less of a jerk but, more importantly, it won't make me any less gay. That's who I am and nothing anyone can ever say will ever change that.
He told me that he took a lot of shit when he first came out, and he was younger than me. But after a while, the bullies saw that Jeremy was ignoring them and they moved on. So his advice is, if I can move on from the bullies, they'll move on from me.
My classes were, for the most part, uneventful. In fact, the most exciting part of my day yesterday was lunch time. I was sitting with Fin and Riley, in front of me and Fin's lockers, talking about...American Idol, I think. Around twenty minutes into the conversation, I told them I was going to the cafeteria to get a drink. After I'd bought my drink, I entered the part of the cafeteria with the tables, with the intention of just passing through.
When I was in the middle of the room I heard a voice call from behind me, "Will!" I turned and saw that it was Jeremy. He was sitting with a girl I recognized from Fin's rugby team, whose name I learned is Emma. Jeremy was holding a sandwich in one hand and waving me over with the other.
"Sit down," he said with a smile when I'd walked over to them. So I sat down and he introduced me to Emma and asked me about my holiday break. I told him about my Christmas in North Bay and my New Year's with Fin. Just when he'd started to tell me about his break, a group of guys in grade 11 walked by and one of them pointed and said, "Look, the queers flock together. Enjoying lunch ladies?," he added, leering at us. His friends all laughed along with him as they left the room.
I felt as if I'd been punched in the stomach and slapped in the face. My eyes were burning, my face was pale and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I got up from the table abruptly, saying, "I have to go."
I practically ran back to my locker and I didn't stop when I heard Jeremy behind me calling, "Will, wait!" I didn't stop when Fin and Riley asked what was wrong when I passed them by. I didn't stop until I got outside, the cold hitting me like a brick wall.
I didn't even have 15 seconds to myself before I was hit again, by three concerned voices, all echoing more or less the same thing. I silenced them all when I turned to face them.
"What did I do?" I said. "What did I do?! I don't deserve this, I didn't do anything. I don't even know that guy so what gives him the right to do this to me, huh? To us," I added, looking to Jeremy. "What right does anyone have to take me down a peg for just wanting to be who I am?"
I paused and Fin came forward and I let myself fall into her waiting arms. There's really nothing quite like one of Fin's hugs. She's amazing. I whispered the whole thing to her while we hugged and over her shoulder I saw Jeremy talking to Riley, no doubt explaining what had happened.
After school, Jeremy came to my locker and asked if we could talk. He told me that it was normal to react the way that I did, but in the long run, I'll just have go get used to things like that. There's a lot of prejudice in the world and I'm going to have to learn to deal with it. It was just unfortunate, Jeremy said, that I had my first taste of it only a little over a moth after coming out.
He also told me that an angry reaction just feeds the fire. Getting angry won't erase the words, it won't make the person who said them any less of a jerk but, more importantly, it won't make me any less gay. That's who I am and nothing anyone can ever say will ever change that.
He told me that he took a lot of shit when he first came out, and he was younger than me. But after a while, the bullies saw that Jeremy was ignoring them and they moved on. So his advice is, if I can move on from the bullies, they'll move on from me.
♠ ♠ ♠
This one's not really one of my favorites (for obvious reasons) but I feel it's important. What do you think?