The Words to Define These Feelings

I was currently bouncing off the walls of Paige and I’s apartment, energy pulsating through me as Paige watched a movie I was hardly paying attention to.

“Come ON Paige, you’ve got to be more excited than this!” I shouted, jumping up and down on the couch next to her and giggling.

“You have had far too much sugar today.” I frowned and let my eyes wander to the bag of candy given to me by Kyle, which now lay empty in a trash can.

“False.” Paige just shook her head and took a sip of her drink. “Seriously though, why aren’t you stoked to go back on tour? Don’t you miss the guys?” Tomorrow morning we would take a flight to New York to rejoin the ‘I Love Redheads’ tour. And Paige had failed to show even a small fraction of the excitement I could barely contain.

“Sure I miss them, I just…” Paige sighed and muted the television, forcing Joey to simply mouth the words ‘SHIT Bianca I’m shooting a nose spray ad tomorrow!’ I stifled a laugh, getting the vibe that Paige was being more serious than that.

“Caleb” she stated simply.

“Oh” I said softly, realization dawning on me. “Yeah that’s one messed up dude right there.”

“You think? I really just want to get a straight answer out of him, or some sign of how he feels towards me…I just hate being so confused.” I nodded and rolled my eyes.

“He’s probably like, secretly in love with you or something. Seriously, He’s probably just acting so retarded because you’re making him this way. So, in all honestly, the whole shebang is your fault.” Paige laughed and shook her head.

“Sure. That’s exactly what’s going on Pheebs.” I smirked and nudged Paige’s arm.

“So do you like him then?”

“Eh. I don't even know. He seems like a good guy from what I managed to scrape together from interviews and seeing him interact with other people, but he refuses to let me get to really know him. He is cute though.” She un-muted the movie and I forced myself to calm down a bit, relaxing into the couch and pulling a blanket over me in an effort to make myself sleepy.

“Why are you so out-of-your-mind-excited anyhow?” Paige inquired, raising an eyebrow at me.

“I got some good ideas for the individual photo shoots, I just can’t wait to get them started, you know.”

“Of course.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“No, it’s not that I don’t believe you. I just know that it’s a little bit, possibly a lot more than a photo shoot who’s working you up like this.”

“Yeah right” I mumbled, barely convincing myself. My cell phone started going off in my pocket and I drew it out quickly, checking the caller I.D.

“Kyle?” Paige said, winking at me.

“Shut up” I mumbled, though the name on my phone was clearly flashing ‘Kyle’. “I’ll be right back; you don’t have to stop the movie.” Paige nodded and waved before I shuffled off to my room and shut the door.

“Hello?” I said, pressing the phone to my ear.

“Hi Pheebs.” He sounded like a much deflated Kyle as compared to the one I had grown used to speaking with.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing really…” He paused. “How did you know something was wrong?”

“You just sound depressed Kyle. Now seriously, what’s wrong?” He took a few deep breaths, clearly trying to calm himself down.

“Gina called me earlier today.” This could impossibly end well.

“What did you guys talk about?” I pressed, trying to coax some answers out of Kyle.

“She just…yelled at me, she still thinks I’m cheating on her.” He sighed and I pulled my laptop over to me, sorting through the photos I had of FTSK. I still had a bit of work I wanted to get done before tomorrow.

“So what did you say to her?”

“Look can we just iChat? I hate talking on the phone.” I held back a laugh, sensing Kyle’s serious tone and said “Sure Kyle” before hanging up and opening up an iChat window, I hated talking on the phone too anyhow. Kyle’s face appeared on my screen within seconds and I smiled and waved. He was wearing my beanie.

“Hi Kyle.”

“Hi Phoebe.”

“You look shitty.”

“I feel shitty.” I set my computer on the edge of my bed and lay down in front of it, resting my arms on a pillow and yawning.

“So what did you say to her Kyle?”

“Oh yeah…” Kyle grumbled and ran a hand through his messy hair, avoiding the stare of the camera. “I told her the same things as last time pretty much, that I’m not cheating on her and that I never would. I just wish that she’d put more trust in me, you know?” I nodded and yawned again, trying my best not to.

“You’re not tired, are you? You can go to sleep if you are, I don’t want to keep you away from sleeping or anything cause I know tour deprives you of a lot of sleep and you’ll be back on tour soon so you should get as much sleep as you can now so you’ll be ready for less when you get back.” I giggled at Kyle’s winded speech and shook my head, reaching for the bottled caramel frappuchino that sat on my bedside table.

“I’m all set buddy, but thanks. We’re gonna finish up our little conversation here, and then I am going to bed.” Kyle bit his lip and tugged on a strand of his hair, scrutinizing it before turning to me again.

“Oh yeah. So I don’t know how strong our relationship is anymore if she can’t trust me. I mean, I don’t want to lose her, because I love her” Wince. “And I want to try my best to make this work.” I took a sip of the liquid energy and licked my lips, forcing emotion to the pit of my stomach so I could at least appear sane.

“Well Kyle, she’s not listening to you when you say you’re not cheating. She doesn’t trust you. And if she doesn’t trust you, then she doesn’t love you. Do you think maybe she’s trying to cover up for something else?” Kyle raised an eyebrow at me, and his cheeks flushed pink.

“But…what would she have to hide from me? I’m her boyfriend; we’re supposed to tell each other everything. No secrets, and all that.” I shrugged and finished off my drink, letting the empty bottle fall onto the carpeted floor of my room.

“I’m just saying that there has to be some reason for her to act like this.”

“Oh.” Kyle’s face contorted and he chewed on the string of his hoodie angrily. “Maybe I should…I don’t know, if Gina’s going to be a bitch to me then maybe I should just leave her.” My eyes widened and I just blinked at him. I felt my face fill up with color at the thought of a single Kyle, and I flipped up the hood on my hoodie in hopes of covering it up.

“Don’t do anything drastic Kyle, she could just be going stir crazy back home without you, you know? Maybe she just misses you.” Kyle laughed and a smile finally lit up hisperfect face.

“Yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t be letting this get to me as much as it is. But I should be letting you get to bed.” He leaned into the camera and hugged his laptop, yelling “HUG!” as he did so. I laughed and ‘hugged’ him back.

“Thanks for talking to me Pheebs, I really do appreciate it. You’re a good friend.” I simply nodded and waved him off with a laugh.

“It’s no problem Kyle, really. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” We both squealed with excitement and laughed, then Kyle winked and his image disappeared from my screen.