The Beauty of a Weeping Heart

(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")
On my own.
(My thoughts you can't decode)

While listening to Decode by Paramore, I subconsciously reached for Twilight which was in my bag. The one but most stupid thing about my college was that they judge you by your bag. Mine was a pink and black skull bag which ticked the box of approval. Sometimes I think of myself as Bella an awkward shy girl waiting for her Edward Cullen, except I wasn't gorgeous. I was just plain ugly.

Arriving at my form room, I sighed and reluctantly removed the headphones that were so firmly plugged in my ears. This was the one class that I thought was so pointless – Registration. What usually happened was that I would sit on a desk by myself while everyone else bitched. Right now, all I wanted to forget about Jonny and the bus journey. It was really messing up my brain.

Pushing open the door, I stopped in my tracks. At my table, there was a boy sitting in my seat, flirting with some girls in my class. I fumed silently. Why oh why did I have some stereotypical emo kid sitting in my seat of all places? I did have to admit he was quite good looking with his green eyes and piercings. I took a deep breath, preparing to confront this guy.

I cleared my throat. “Um you're sitting in my seat.” I said quietly.

He looked up at me and grinned. “Oh sorry!” and sat in the seat next to mine.

I stared at him in disbelief. Did he not get our college? No one even wants to talk to me, let along sit next to me. And here he was, sitting at my table.

“No one sits next to me.” The words were out before I fully registered them in my brain.

He continued to smile at me. “Well I do now! Come on who wouldn't want to sit next to a hot girl like you?”

Hot? I felt my face flush in anger and embarrassment. I could hear murmured whispers all around the room. I hated being the centre of attention, I just wanted to be left alone. Reluctantly, I sat next to him. He was obviously taking the piss. The girls he had been flirting with previously were much prettier than me.

“Are you taking the piss?” I said, narrowing my eyes.

He looked confused at my question. “No....”

“I'm not hot and I never will be OK?” I said loudly, placing emphasis on the last words.

I felt my face redden once more as heads swivelled around to stare at me.

The guy put his hands up. “Alright, alright! I was just stating the truth. I'm complimenting you here, most girls would be happy that I said that.”

Yeah but I'm not most girls...

I lowered my eyes. “Sorry.” I muttered. “Just...forget it.”

I turned away and got out Twilight and began to read it, trying to ignore the various whispers and glares directed at me. I smiled as I absorbed myself into the book once more.

And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine...

“Do you always do that?”

Shutting my book with a snap, I looked up in irritation to see his amused expression.

“Do what?” I replied in annoyance.

“Start reading when the situation gets too uncomfortable for you.” He said cheekily.
I flushed once more, a common habit of mine. Not for the first time, I wished that he would just ignore me and let me be.

“Stop talking to me.” I snapped at him.

“Make me.” He whispered.

Our eyes locked, blue meeting green. It seemed to stretch on forever, just a sea of blue and green swimming for eternity...

Crash.Slam.Bang.

The door flung open and Dani Atwood came running in, gasping out of breath. Her dark chocolate brown hair which was normally in a bun was flying everywhere. Even out of breath, she still looked stunning. I quickly averted my gaze as the rest of the class burst into laughter at her entrance.

“Sorry I'm late Miss!” She gasped.

For some reason, the guy sitting next to me, gave her a strange look and stood up. “Dani?” He said In surprise.

Dani's eyes widened. “Frankie, what the fu-fluff are you doing here?”

“Erm I got transferred remember?” Frankie retorted.

“Oh yeah I forgot.” Dani scratched her head sheepishly. “Sorry cousin.”

You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed. Then there was utter chaos.

“COUSIN? DANII YOU NEVER SAID!”
“DANI HOOK ME UP WITH YOUR COUSIN RIGHT NOW!”
“YOUR COUSIN IS GORGEOUS! GIVE ME HIS NUMBER NOW BITCH!”

Rolling my eyes, I tuned out the screaming Frankie fangirls from my head. In my mind, college was pointless. It was turning out to be quite an eventful day – first Jonny smiles at me and now some kid's hitting on me. Great. Just great.

I've always envied Dani. Half the guys in our year were ogling after her and it was no wonder. She had beautiful brown eyes, maximised by the minimum mascara that she used. Her personality was lovely too, she could always make you smile. There was rarely a moment where she was single. As it was, she'd been going out with Zak for four months, one of the few guys that didn't make fun out of me.

“Liana!”

Dani waved me over as I hesitantly made my way towards her. Probably the latest gossip about me I thought.

“I just wondered if you could show my cousin around? It's just you two take similar subjects...” She trailed off.

I sighed. “I guess so.”

Great. Stuck with Mr Obnoxious for god knows how long.

“Koolio.” She smiled at me. “Laters then!”

I watched her leave our form room, smiling and waving cheerily to anyone she knew. I just wished I could be as confident as her.

“So Liana is it?” Frankie seemed to appear out of nowhere.

“Yeah.” I muttered. “You have Bio with me, come on.”

Walking out of the form room door, I nearly crashed into Jonny. I felt my face redden once more as he looked at me. I swear, luck wasn't on my side today.

“Steady Liana.” He grinned.

I felt my knees turn to water and my heart melt. Why the hell do guys always have to smile that perfect smile at you?

“Sorry.” I muttered, trying to get past him.

I found my earphones and plugged them in once again, accidentally restarting the song Decode. I gasped in surprise, as Haley Williams sung to me the words that seemed to be swirling around my head in a haze of confusion.

How can I decide what's right
When you're clouding up my mind?