Loving You Is Harder Than You Know

Ryan's P.O.V

"Bye Brendon, I love you," I say quietly, Jon is stood at the door that huge grin still spread across his face. Brendon throws his arms around me shocking me by his unusual sudden urge to embrace me. I run my hands up and down his back and let him hold onto me tightly. That moment, I wanted to last forever, it felt good to have my head nestled into the crook of his neck and have his arms wrapped around me.

"I love you too Ry,"he replies softly, I can't help but to gaze into his beautiful eyes, there so addictive. Before they turned to orbs of hatred, I actually liked looking into Brendon's big brown eyes. He pulls away from me, immediately I feel lost without him. I wrap my arms around me, but don't get the same loving effect.

"Bren I could stay at home I..."

"Go Ry, you will be fine without me," Brendon smiles, he plants a soft kiss on me cheek and then urges me out of the door to my dismay. He sends me off with a wave and then he shuts the door. Its just me and Jon now and all of a sudden I don't feel like bowling anymore or enjoining Jons company to be honest.

"Ryan what is wrong with you! You were going to stay with him after all he has done to you," Jon says seriously, he walks over to his car and I slowly follow behind him shuffling my feet across the dusty pavement. Opening the car door Jon waits for me to enter it, I look back at the door sadly before climbing into the car tentatively.

"Jon you are forgetting he is my boyfriend I love him," I tell him sharply, I drag the seat belt across me and stare blankly out of the car window. Jon starts up the car and we start to pull away from the house, the further the car travels down the road the more the pain in my chest starts off.

"Boyfriend, please Ryan, I think Brendon abusing you kind of stopped your loved up relationship," Jon explains to me, you can see that he is starting to get irritable, because he's drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and I can see his cheeks starting to fluster.

"Well that doesn't mean I don't love or care for him, its not his fault that I misbehave and he has to punish me," I protest, I start to feel hot under my skimpy tee shirt and turn to shuffling around the stiff car seat. I'm trying to contain the oh too familiar anger boiling inside of me as I try to contain the venom ready to pour from my lips.

"Ryan shut the hell up, what did you do wrong for him to rape you. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Don't you ever let me hear you say anything about you being to blame for him hurting you," Jon says to me but this time he raises he voice and can't help myself from letting a whimper leave my lips.

"Him has a name its Brendon," I snap at him, like I always say there is a part of me who can't stop loving Brendon know matter what he does. Its little things like a simple smile, or a hug what can make the part of my heart what loves Brendon to come alive. That's why I'm standing up for him now and putting myself down its because my love for Brendon can be that strong.

"More like Rapist," Jon snaps back just as angrily, I turn to glare at him and try to ignore the stupid tears already forming in my eyes. I really want to go home now, having a chair thrown at me would be less painful than having Jon telling me the harsh truth when my heart doesn't want to hear it.

"Take me home," I hiss at him, I have to stop myself from raging at him, or telling him something I am going to regret. The stupidest thing is that the next time I'm crying in my room and hate Brendon I will want Jon to be with me so badly. My heart will ache for him and he wont be there, he will soon realize that nobody and I repeat nobody can stop me from loving Brendon.

"No. I'm going to take you back to my house and we can talk about this so called boyfriend of yours," Jon says sternly, he just stares ahead of him, concentrating on the empty road. I don't know whether to argue with him or not, maybe just staying quiet would be my best option.

"But you told Brendon we were going bowling," I inform him, he chuckles slightly to himself before switching on the radio and letting the music blast ridiculously load from the speakers. My mouth drops open, I can't believe Jon has got so controlling all of a sudden, this is defiantly not like him.

"Jon are you listening to me."

No reply.

"I'll tell Brendon you kidnapped me!"

Still no reply, but this time has laughs at me instead.

"I want to go home."

"You already are," Jon smiles he stops the car and just sits and stares at me for a reaction of some sort. I turn my head to look outside as see the most beautiful house, with lush green grass in the front garden and pretty flowers swaying in the soft winds. I can't help but stare, I mean how could Jon afford something like this!

"I don't understand," I say to him, I feel his hand reach out and grab mine, instantly sending my eyes to shoot up to his and my heart starts fluttering.

"Your going to live with me a while, I care about you Ryan and I want you to experience living in a house where your not going to get hurt on a regular basis."

Seriously right now, I want to go home and I mean my real home...