Loving You Is Harder Than You Know

Ryan's P.O.V

I can't do this anymore. There's a time and a place when reality slaps you in the face and you get a much clearer picture on life. I thought part of me could forgive Brendon for what he did, turn a blind eye to him and pretend nothing ever happened. But mental scars don't fade with time their just a constant reminder of what life used to be and still is. But yet I still can't get my head around why I've been thrown into the wardrobe like Brendon's possession and my arm is broken. You would think it would be rather obvious but for once Brendon doing this to me came as a huge shock. For a split second I thought Brendon had changed but I guess it just shows that my heart is vulnerable.

My arm is excruciatingly painful and there is nothing I can do about it, absolutely nothing. It's bad enough that he has locked me in the wardrobe but to bring Jon to help me is just stepping too far. Jon will see though his lies but the scary part is that I'm pretty sure he's going to tell Brendon what he knows and get not only me but himself hurt too. All because he can't control himself when he gets himself into situations due to me. Jon seems like the most nicest person you will ever know but we all have our demons. Plus we all know that he doesn't make a serious commitment to his boyfriends, having sex with another boys whilst having a fiancee is a pretty good reason why surely.

I snuggle into the t shirts and jackets hanging in my wardrobe and sigh gently to myself, I guess this just reminds me of old times. Those times being when I would hide away in my wardrobe because I was too scared to face what Brendon was going to throw at me. Abuse, insults. Causing bruises, scars, cuts. But the only difference this time is that I didn't choose to be in the wardrobe I was forced. Well I can't say I didn't see it coming, locking me in rooms or objects in this case is just another way of Brendon showing me how much he's in control. Cause we all know Brendon loves attention and what better way to get it than by having me screaming his name or pleading with him to stop hurting me. But that's when my bedroom door is pushed open and a low, impatient voice is heard.

"Ryan quick get out of the wardrobe," Brendon hisses at me, I smirk I'm guessing Jon is here and Brendon doesn't want him to know the truth. Its quite amusing actually I mean how the hell am I supposed to get out of here! I decide that staying quiet is my best option seeing as if I don't say anything I can offend him or get on his nerves.

"Brendon is Ryan in here?"

"Shit, Ryan get out what the hell are you playing at," Brendon snarls at me the wardrobe door is swung open, I swear to god if Brendon tried hard enough he could rip the solid wooden doors of their hinges. I've never seen his face so vivid before and his eyes seem impossibly dark, pure black even. I try to stand up but the uncomfortable position I had forced myself into is defiantly not helping me. The more I struggled the more Brendon glared at me the hatred leaking into his eyes. I swear his stare could burn holes through my imperfect skin, glaring through the cuts and bruises.

"Oh god Ryan are you okay," Jon says as he walks into the room, he's obviously concerned his once rosy cheeks are drained, he looks so pale and lifeless. I try not to cry like the pathetic worthless boy I am but as soon as I look into Jons beautiful eyes the tears start to trickle down my cheeks. The hole in my heart grew immensely, ripping away part of me too.

"I'm fine Jon my arm is just a little painful," I tell him uncomfortably, I don't need his sympathy right now. I'm over Jon and his need to fuck me whenever he gets the opportunity, and I don't mean just in the bedroom. He made me question so much, my love for Brendon, if I'm really happy with the life I live, he makes everything around me different like I'm seeing the world with a new pair of eyes. A pair that makes everything warm, bright and full of happiness.

"How did this happen," he asks curiously, I stare down at my arms, I'm shocked that the dark outline of Brendon fingers are not imprinted into it. I have the most sudden urge to scream, Brendon did it, but my eyes stare drawn to my unbroken arm and that's when I fear my words could send it's bones snapping too. Would he hurt me in front of Jon? He has held himself together before but I can see Brendon's skin struggling to stretch over his tight knuckles.

"The stairs," I mumble, not even bringing up my head to join my eyes to his. A small smile is tugging at Brendon's lips, his fingers relax and his posture becomes less rigid. Oh so that's a new way to calm Brendon, lie my pretty little head off, how much happiness does that cause.

"The stairs, if you hurt yourself on the stairs how comes you upstairs in your room. It would have been much more sensible if you had stayed in the living room," Jon explains the expression on his face forms a lump to clog my throat. My breath's become short and forced, the tremble in my bones becomes more vigorous. My lies must be so clear to see through, he's not going to let this drop easily. Believe me.

"I moved him upstairs so I could check up on him whilst I collected a few things for the hospital. I didn't want him hurting himself whilst I was away, I obviously would blame myself if something else was to happen to him," Brendon says, too confidently. Its like he has had this story wrote down, his own little masterpiece. He must be so proud of his writing talents. But Jon's face doesn't even twitch it just turns more hard and stern looking.

"Right, what's really been going on Ryan and Brendon would you go call an ambulance please," Jon asks me he turns to Brendon indicating for him to leave the room. But there is no chance in hell that I'm letting him stay in this room with just me, I can't deal with his interrogation right now or ever to be honest.

"I don't need an ambulance," I hiss at him, I may be a tad fragile right now but that's doesn't mean I'm going to let Jon break me. I now what his pathetic plan is, he wants Brendon to leave so he can shout at me for going back to Brendon like the stupid, immature boy I am.

"Look Ryan I don't want to move you into a car and risk hurting you more and it wouldn't hurt getting checked over after all those beatings you have had lately," Jon tells me sternly, he tries to say the last part discreetly but to me it sounded like he wanted to broadcast it to the world. Did he forget Brendon was still in the room or did he do this purposely, completely knowing what he was getting himself into.

"I beg your pardon, but what are you intending," Brendon snaps, I can see the thick beads of moisture trickling down his forehead, the colour slowly leaking from his heated skin.

"Brendon I'm not stupid I know what you do to Ryan and as soon as we get him to a hospital the doctors and police will be fully informed on the hell you have been putting him through," Jon says darkly, Brendon steps in front of him there both around the same size but Jon seems to be looking down on him, his glare a tad more venomous. I hope than Jon can stay in control of the situation but I'm pretty sure Brendon will knock him out sooner or latter. I mean I've lost count of how many times I have woke up on the kitchen floor after Brendon has hit me, its pretty scary and I don't want Jon in that position.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Brendon hisses, should I crawl back in the wardrobe? The raised voices and tension is making me sick. Jon and Brendon are not meant to make me feel sick. I feel numb, hurt, used, the list makes me want to send a knife plunging into my heart, maybe I could bleed the heartache and pain away. I just wish I could fall asleep, maybe then they would think I had died or something and they would shut the heck up.

"I want you to stay away from Ryan."

"He's my boyfriend and you have no right to tell us what to do!"

"You broke his arm and have you seen the state of his chest, he is scarred for life."

"Wait a minute, how the hell have you seen his chest."

That can't be good...