Loving You Is Harder Than You Know

Ryan's P.O.V

Waiting, still waiting, beyond waiting. In this what all hospitals do? It does not help that Jon is sat beside me, and being his stubborn self he is refusing to leave me side, after all he has just done to me! I keep wondering if I could lie and say I feel sick, then I could dash to the bathroom and through the window. If only it was that simple. I'm sure a broken arm kind of screws that plan. I guess I will just have to endure it, that it being Jon of course. He just better keep his mouth shut, he has already destroyed my life enough, that must be enough satisfaction to feed his ego.

"Ryan Ross."

Finally.

I expect that Jon is going to give me some privacy and let me enter the cubicle alone. I was wrong. As soon as the doctor gave me their usual fake smile, Jon stood up at an instant and ushered me from my chair, a little rudely may I add. I had to stand up I have no other choice, I can't live the rest of my life with a broken arm obviously. I shuffle behind them both, Jon has already started to have a deep conversation with the doctor, I'm guessing I'm the topic of their conversation.

"So, are you two are couple," the doctor asks, typical. I try to stay calm but the urge to punch either one of them in their face is extremely overpowering. They swing back the light, blue curtain and I step inside. If he thinks I am going to lay on that bed so he can prod me in inappropriate places with his slimy hands he has another thing coming.

"I'm just his friend, I'm the only person there for him when stuff like this happens," Jon says seriously. Right. The only person there for me, if he only knew. Jon thinks I'm this broken soul with major relationship issues, he doesn't see my cry on the inside or risk my bloody life to see William. He treats me like a child. Just because I'm abused it doesn't mean I'm not a human being anymore, I have feelings, and a life what I want him no longer part of. I'm done with wearing my heart on my sleeve.

"William is that you?" I whisper timidly, I slowly emerge from my sodden bed quilts, every time the floorboards creak beneath my bare feet, I squeak like a mouse scurrying away from a cat. In my case the cat being Brendon with amazing hearing. The tapping on the window becomes louder as I slowly peel back the curtain, William is there of course coming to check up on me like always.

I push open the window feebly, tears have started to roll down my cheeks again, I always feel so weak and pathetic when it takes all my strength just to push open the window. William crawls inside awkwardly, god knows how he can climb the tree beside our house and I mean in this weather. It's raining pretty hard outside, sometimes I sit and watch the moon sparkling in the dark pool of the sky but today heavy, unpleasant clouds have captivated the sky and it's pretty miserable.

"Are you alright Ry, you seem pretty jumpy tonight," William asks me he shakes like a wet dog, the water droplets are shook from his hair as he takes of his soaking jacket and slings it over my radiator. He pulls me into a hug like always and lets me cry all over his shoulder. I really should buy him some new t shirts one day.

"I don't want to talk about it," I mumble, I emerge from William chest, as I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket, great now my eyes feel like they are on fire, the joy. I make my way over to the bed, William follows me with the same disappointed look on his face what makes my stomach churn. I try to crawl back into the covers, hiding away and trying to forget the pain torturing me inside.

"Come on Ry, I'm here for you, talk to me," William sighs, I feel like sitting on his lap so I do. I wrap my arms around him and savor the feeling of being in someone arms who actually cares about me. I wrap my arms around his skinny frame and cling onto his t shirt like its some sort of comfort blanket.

"I told myself I would never let him do this to me," I state more to myself than him really. I carry on staring at his t shirt, tracing the letters on it with my fingertips.

"Ryan I don't understand," William says softly, he grabs my hand so I can't distract myself anymore and stares hard into my eyes. I feel my bottom lip trembling on the verge of tears again.

"I tried I really did, I locked myself in my room and tried to ignore him banging on the door like the maniac he is but I wasn't strong enough. He broke the door down, I was so scared I just froze when he took off my pants..."

"Oh god Ry, I'm so sorry," Williams sympathizes with me, I guess he's in shock, or feels sick to his stomach. The sad thing is I keep blaming myself, if only I had kicked and screamed harder, if only.

"Hey, don't cry Ry, I'm here its okay, everything is going to be okay," William coos as the tears trickle down my cheeks, when Williams hand brushed against mine it feels soft, comforting but when his fingertips leave the skin it feels like a razor blade has slashed it to pieces. Anybody touching me now is wrong, I hate it. I hate everything.

God knows how William managed to sneak out of the house in the morning, its not the first time we have fallen asleep together has you already know.

"Ryan, are you going to let the doctor look at your arm or not."

"Oh shit, sorry," I mumble, I sit down on the bed holding back the tears deep inside of me. I'm still completely out of it, I don't even whimper when I feel the cold hands prodding at my arm, I just sit there empty, dead inside.

If only William had let me leave the bedroom with him one night and allowed me to be out of Brendons life for good. If only...