Loving You Is Harder Than You Know
Chapter Three
Ryan's P.O.V
I'm still lade flat on my back, my breathing heavy, the tears silently rolling down my flustered cheeks. Brendon just looks down on me, his arms tightly folded, his foot tapping impatiently. He sighs deeply, before booting me hard in my aching side, I let a whimper emerge from my lips and he kicks me harder, like I said, showing one inch of pain to Brendon is a sin. Anyways seeing as I am so weak and pathetic, why wouldn't I cry when my boyfriend is beating me?
He reaches out his hand, I just look deep into his chocolaty eyes, is this a caring side of Brendon being unleashed or is he trying to mess with my already tortured head. Weakly I lift up my arm and Brendon quickly snatches my hand and entwines his fingers with mine. Suddenly I feel a bolt of electricity flood though me, that's the feeling I always produced when Brendon touched me, in a nice way of course. He starts to pull me up, a few more tears are released from my eyes, when the pain shoots through me.
But that's when I see it, the sarcastic, intimidating smile rippling across his lips, and the flood of venom seep into his eyes. The once loving grip on my hand is released and I drop back onto the floor, I scream when my back becomes connected with the hard, wooden floorboards as I try to block out the awful snigger's from Brendon. That's a new thing I have learnt about Brendon, he gets the biggest thrill from hearing me cry or watching me squirm from the pain he causes me.
"Oh please Ryan, don't tell me you actually though I was going to help a little shit like you," Brendon laughs harshly, I just turn my head away and sob into the carpet, loving him gets so difficult when he acts like this. But I just can't force myself to fight back and let go of the love for him in my tattered heart.
Somehow, I manage to prop myself up from leaning against the staircase banister, I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes by using the back of my jacket sleeve and attempt to talk to Brendon in a civilized manner. I shuffle my feet slowly, taking deep breaths between every cautious step. Gripping my side, I drop down into one of the chairs, propping a cushion behind me to sooth my aching back.
"Brendon it hurts," I moan, I pull my legs up into the chair, and nestle into it, trying to become more comfortable. I'm pretty sure I have broken a few ribs, but to Brendon its only a broken rib. Anything he dose to me he finds perfectly acceptable, he believes that everyone should be punished if they misbehave, but I never do anything wrong. But to Brendon,just being me is wrong.
"Your point being," Brendon says lamely before opening yet another bottle of beer and chugging it down noisily. He slams the bottle down on the table beside him and gives me a filthy look. He doesn't care for me, I thought deep down he might actually feel for me sometimes and actually be stricken with guilt from what he dose to me. But obviously not.
"I need help, can you take me somewhere," I dare to ask, between sobs and sniffs. Maybe because Spencer is viewing this he may actually help me. Or Spencer could stand up for me, he used to be my best friend he can't hate me after everything we had.
"Funny Ryan. Do you really think I'm going to take you to the hospital like last time, and sit by your side and hold your hand whilst you sob like a baby. If I take you for help, I will have to act like I really give a damn about you and I would rather die to be perfectly honest," Brendon explains seriously. The first and last time he took me to the hospital was awful, I had to lie about how I had managed to break my arm by climbing a tree. Really Brendon had been bending my arms behind my back so hard that he snapped it clear in two. But at the hospital he wiped my tears away, cuddled me close, kissed me gently. It was all a pathetic act, until he got home and beat me again for making him look all caring and soppy in the hospital.
"So not giving a damn about me gives you the right to fuck with Spencer behind me back. Your the whore not me," I shout angrily, Brendon picks up the bottle and throws it against the wall the glass scatters across the floor, my growing confidence shattered.
Well done Ryan, you practically just asked for a beating.
"What did you just call me," Brendon asks sternly, he rises from the chair, his once cocky and intimidating presence has now turned to boiling anger and I can tell what he is going to do to me will not be pretty.
"Brendon I didn't mean it, Its just I saw you and..."
"Let me guess, I mean so much to you and you love me so much," Brendon says sarcastically, he walks over to me, his hips swinging, he beautiful locks tucked behind his ears, his delicate features frowning.
"Brendon please, it doesn't have to be like this, we could be happy again, why wont you love me!" I plea with him, the frustration just seems to be getting the best of me. Its just so heart breaking to see the one you love reject you.
"Happy again! You mean so you can walk all over me, constantly making me sing to you, buy you pointless things and do all those pathetic lover things," Brendon says darkly, his face is dangerously close to mine, his deep breathing tickling at my tear stained cheeks.
"Brendon I'm begging you," I sob, but Brendon just arrogantly rolls his eyes at me, before leaning in closer and sinking his teeth deep into my collarbone. I try to push him away from me, but has pinned me to the chair, I feel the blood starting to trickle down my neck, its as if I can feel my life being drained from me.
"What's wrong ry, I thought you liked it when I touched you," Brendon smirks, before shoving his hand up my top, causing me to whimper when he trails his fingers down my sensitive spots, I'm trying to stay calm, but I already know what's going to happen, I can already see lust glazed over his eyes. He wants something from me and no matter how hard I protest he is going to get it.
"Brendon your hurting me," I scream out, he stops sending harsh kisses down my neck and slaps his sweaty palm over my mouth. I can see Spencer from the corner of my watery eyes, he is just sat there, a smirk dancing across his lips. If even Spencer finds what Brendon is doing is perfectly normal, then who will actually find this horrendous in every way possible.
"Well someone is feisty, that's going to go down well in the bedroom," Brendon whispers in my ear, causing yet more tears to trickle down my cheeks. I'm trying to block everything out, if I don't think about it the reality wont hit me. Even when I feel Brendon lifting me off the chair, I keep my eyes snapped shut, the burning sensation in my heart is trying to tell me this is wrong. But I ignore the heartache, and try to tell myself that I will love Brendon no matter what even if my heart is trying to stop me.
I can only blame myself for this, its not Brendons fault, its all mine.
I'm still lade flat on my back, my breathing heavy, the tears silently rolling down my flustered cheeks. Brendon just looks down on me, his arms tightly folded, his foot tapping impatiently. He sighs deeply, before booting me hard in my aching side, I let a whimper emerge from my lips and he kicks me harder, like I said, showing one inch of pain to Brendon is a sin. Anyways seeing as I am so weak and pathetic, why wouldn't I cry when my boyfriend is beating me?
He reaches out his hand, I just look deep into his chocolaty eyes, is this a caring side of Brendon being unleashed or is he trying to mess with my already tortured head. Weakly I lift up my arm and Brendon quickly snatches my hand and entwines his fingers with mine. Suddenly I feel a bolt of electricity flood though me, that's the feeling I always produced when Brendon touched me, in a nice way of course. He starts to pull me up, a few more tears are released from my eyes, when the pain shoots through me.
But that's when I see it, the sarcastic, intimidating smile rippling across his lips, and the flood of venom seep into his eyes. The once loving grip on my hand is released and I drop back onto the floor, I scream when my back becomes connected with the hard, wooden floorboards as I try to block out the awful snigger's from Brendon. That's a new thing I have learnt about Brendon, he gets the biggest thrill from hearing me cry or watching me squirm from the pain he causes me.
"Oh please Ryan, don't tell me you actually though I was going to help a little shit like you," Brendon laughs harshly, I just turn my head away and sob into the carpet, loving him gets so difficult when he acts like this. But I just can't force myself to fight back and let go of the love for him in my tattered heart.
Somehow, I manage to prop myself up from leaning against the staircase banister, I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes by using the back of my jacket sleeve and attempt to talk to Brendon in a civilized manner. I shuffle my feet slowly, taking deep breaths between every cautious step. Gripping my side, I drop down into one of the chairs, propping a cushion behind me to sooth my aching back.
"Brendon it hurts," I moan, I pull my legs up into the chair, and nestle into it, trying to become more comfortable. I'm pretty sure I have broken a few ribs, but to Brendon its only a broken rib. Anything he dose to me he finds perfectly acceptable, he believes that everyone should be punished if they misbehave, but I never do anything wrong. But to Brendon,just being me is wrong.
"Your point being," Brendon says lamely before opening yet another bottle of beer and chugging it down noisily. He slams the bottle down on the table beside him and gives me a filthy look. He doesn't care for me, I thought deep down he might actually feel for me sometimes and actually be stricken with guilt from what he dose to me. But obviously not.
"I need help, can you take me somewhere," I dare to ask, between sobs and sniffs. Maybe because Spencer is viewing this he may actually help me. Or Spencer could stand up for me, he used to be my best friend he can't hate me after everything we had.
"Funny Ryan. Do you really think I'm going to take you to the hospital like last time, and sit by your side and hold your hand whilst you sob like a baby. If I take you for help, I will have to act like I really give a damn about you and I would rather die to be perfectly honest," Brendon explains seriously. The first and last time he took me to the hospital was awful, I had to lie about how I had managed to break my arm by climbing a tree. Really Brendon had been bending my arms behind my back so hard that he snapped it clear in two. But at the hospital he wiped my tears away, cuddled me close, kissed me gently. It was all a pathetic act, until he got home and beat me again for making him look all caring and soppy in the hospital.
"So not giving a damn about me gives you the right to fuck with Spencer behind me back. Your the whore not me," I shout angrily, Brendon picks up the bottle and throws it against the wall the glass scatters across the floor, my growing confidence shattered.
Well done Ryan, you practically just asked for a beating.
"What did you just call me," Brendon asks sternly, he rises from the chair, his once cocky and intimidating presence has now turned to boiling anger and I can tell what he is going to do to me will not be pretty.
"Brendon I didn't mean it, Its just I saw you and..."
"Let me guess, I mean so much to you and you love me so much," Brendon says sarcastically, he walks over to me, his hips swinging, he beautiful locks tucked behind his ears, his delicate features frowning.
"Brendon please, it doesn't have to be like this, we could be happy again, why wont you love me!" I plea with him, the frustration just seems to be getting the best of me. Its just so heart breaking to see the one you love reject you.
"Happy again! You mean so you can walk all over me, constantly making me sing to you, buy you pointless things and do all those pathetic lover things," Brendon says darkly, his face is dangerously close to mine, his deep breathing tickling at my tear stained cheeks.
"Brendon I'm begging you," I sob, but Brendon just arrogantly rolls his eyes at me, before leaning in closer and sinking his teeth deep into my collarbone. I try to push him away from me, but has pinned me to the chair, I feel the blood starting to trickle down my neck, its as if I can feel my life being drained from me.
"What's wrong ry, I thought you liked it when I touched you," Brendon smirks, before shoving his hand up my top, causing me to whimper when he trails his fingers down my sensitive spots, I'm trying to stay calm, but I already know what's going to happen, I can already see lust glazed over his eyes. He wants something from me and no matter how hard I protest he is going to get it.
"Brendon your hurting me," I scream out, he stops sending harsh kisses down my neck and slaps his sweaty palm over my mouth. I can see Spencer from the corner of my watery eyes, he is just sat there, a smirk dancing across his lips. If even Spencer finds what Brendon is doing is perfectly normal, then who will actually find this horrendous in every way possible.
"Well someone is feisty, that's going to go down well in the bedroom," Brendon whispers in my ear, causing yet more tears to trickle down my cheeks. I'm trying to block everything out, if I don't think about it the reality wont hit me. Even when I feel Brendon lifting me off the chair, I keep my eyes snapped shut, the burning sensation in my heart is trying to tell me this is wrong. But I ignore the heartache, and try to tell myself that I will love Brendon no matter what even if my heart is trying to stop me.
I can only blame myself for this, its not Brendons fault, its all mine.