Feels Like Home

"What are you looking at?" One of the teachers asked as she noticed the change in Adrienne. Adrienne had become still and cold and staring at something on the opposite end of the court..

"I don't believe it." Adrienne swore under her breath as she stomped away, avoiding the cheerleaders as they began to swarm out to begin the pep-rally. "Why is he here?"

She saw Nikki Cole glare at her from the bench where she was forced to sit, unable to participate in the pep-rally because of her spat with Adrienne, but Adrienne brushed past her as if she were not there.

Her short legs were making quick time across the basketball court as she glared murderously at the man at the other side. Adrienne cursed his stupid beanie hat, she cursed his green eyes, she cursed everything about him.

"What are you doing here?" She spat when she got to him, her hands on her hips. Everyone around them was watching the pep-rally, unaware of their presence.

"Why did you leave?" Billie Joe stared into her eyes so intensely, it was all Adrienne could do not to turn away.

"Now you know what it feels like." Adrienne hissed as loudly as she dared without being overheard by anyone else. "Now you know what it feels like to wait and hope and pray and dream but it never come true." Hot tears were welling up in Adrienne's eyes against her will and she tried to control them but they were threatening to overflow.

Billie Joe reached out for her. "Let's go somew..."

"No." Adrienne jerked away from his outstretched hand. She shoved him towards the doors and led him to her classroom, fighting the tears silently.

When they were both inside the classroom, Adrienne shut the door and looked at him, her red-rimmed eyes and shaky voice were evidence of her feelings. "Why are you here?"

Billie Joe was standing at her desk looking at the pictures that lined it next to the bouquet he sent her. He smiled lightly at the picture of her kids. "These are yours?" He asked curiously as he stared at the two small children dressed in Christmas clothes.

"Yeah." Adrienne's tension was beginning to leave her shoulders but she knew she shouldn't get relaxed around him. She needed to be alert and at the ready to refuse him. "That's Joey and Sydney."

"They're beautiful, they look just like you." Billie Joe looked her in the eyes with sincerity.

"Thank you." Adrienne stepped closer. "They are beautiful even though Joey tends to favor his dad more."

Billie Joe set that picture down and picked up another. "No he doesn't. He looks just like you." He paused and looked at the picture in his hand. "I can't believe you still have this." He showed her the picture of them in the swing. "I remember when we took this. It was around May and it was the first dry day in a long time."

"And the sun was shining so brightly you couldn't really see anything." Adrienne added as they both laughed nervously. "You played over at Pickens that night and Tre' had a chicken wing thrown at him during the show and then he threw a drumstick and it started a huge fight and the cops had to come to break it up."

"And we all hid in the laundry room so we wouldn't get caught because we couldn't afford bail. Mike somehow managed to squeeze in the dryer and we were in the cabinets and Tre'... I don't remember where Tre' was."

"The linen closet." Adrienne added.

"That's right." Billie Joe and Adrienne laughed with more ease as they strolled down memory lane. "He piled all the sheets and towels all around him so nobody could see him. It would have worked if he would have covered his feet all the way."

"Yeah, bare dirty feet under clean sheets tended to give him away." Adrienne took the picture out of his hands and put it back in its proper place. "Seriously Billie Joe, why are you here?"

Billie Joe fiddled with the petals of the flowers as he tried to formulate his thoughts into words. "Um," He started off lamely. He could feel Adrienne's burning eyes on him and he couldn't bear to look at her. "Um, I'm here because." He groaned and took his hat off, it was beginning to itch along his forehead and he couldn't concentrate. "I'm here because I love you Adie and I can't let you go." He burst as he met her eyes.

It was Adrienne's turn to avert her eyes. "No you don't love me Billie Joe and yes you can let me go. You've already done it." Those hot tears were beginning to prickle again. She pursed her lips and looked at him again. He looked crestfallen.

"Adie, I..."

"Don't call me that. Only those who love me call me that." Adrienne snapped as she went to erase the board to give her hands something to do other than to hit Billie Joe.

"I love you " Billie Joe yelled to her back as she vigorously erased the clean board.

"No you don't Billie." Adrienne threw back. She slammed the eraser down. "When you love someone, you keep your promises. Well I kept mine. I waited. I waited for years for you Billie Joe. I kept praying that one day you'd call and you'd want to meet me somewhere and we'd run off and get married and live our lives the way we wanted to back when we were kids. I kept seeing you on TV and hearing you on the radio but you would never call me or come see me. I tried to call you but your number was disconnected. I waited for you Billie Joe Armstrong and you never came back for me. Therefore, you don't love me." The tears finally broke their dam and were streaming down Adrienne's face, taking her mascara as well, leaving black trails down her cheeks.

Billie Joe stepped forward, he was biting his tongue to keep his rage under control. "I didn't call because I didn't have the time. I know that is lame but it's true. When I got back to California, it was pure chaos and as much as I wanted to call you I couldn't. By time I was able to, I was afraid to. I don't know why but I was. And I had to disconnect my phone because my family kept getting threat calls from people who thought I sold out."

"Bullshit." Adrienne said as she crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Dammit Adrienne." Billie Joe stepped several more steps and was matched by Adrienne, both filled with anger.

"You didn't call me because you didn't want to. You were too busy fucking little cheap whores." Adrienne screamed as she pushed Billie Joe away on the chest with her hands.

"Fuck Adie." Billie Joe grabbed her arms but Adrienne snatched her arms away and slapped him hard across the face. Billie Joe let go of her in shock. He didn't mean to grab her and he probably deserved what he got, but it did not curb his rage. "Don't hit me." He warned her softly. "I never stopped loving you Adie, never. I haven't been the same since I left you and it wasn't until now that I realized that the only way I would ever feel whole again was if I had you."

"Well too bad because you're not going to get me Billie Joe." Adrienne's voice was soft and quiet, filled with menace. "Even if I still loved you, I wouldn't want you in my life. I don't want you near my kids because you would do nothing but hurt them like you hurt me."

"No," Billie Joe started off weakly.

"Mom?"

Both Billie Joe and Adrienne turned to find Joey looking at them with a scared expression on his face. Neither one of them heard Joey open the door and he stood there, grasping the doorhandle, unsure of what to do.

"Hey honey. Uh, why don't you go play with Dylan for a few minutes in Mrs. Wasson's room while I finish this meeting up. Okay." Adrienne forced a smile on her face and Joey nodded. He gave Billie Joe a weary look, slightly unnerved by this man's presence and red hand mark on his face before he left, shutting the door behind him.

"See Billie Joe. I can't have you around them. Leave." Adrienne went to her desk and got her purse and papers.

"Adrienne, I..."

"Leave Billie Joe. Please." Adrienne was not looking at him as she went to the door, opened it, and stood to the side. Her eyes were red from crying and her body was trembling but her voice was firm and strong. "Now get out so I can lock my classroom."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That evening, Billie Joe sat on the balcony of his hotel room and stared at the stars above him. There was a full decanter of liquor on the bar in the room, but Billie Joe wasn't tempted with the spirits. He did, however, have a cigarette between his lips as he thought about the day's events and where to go from there.

"Hey Dad." Billie Joe said softly to the sky. He liked to think that his dad was up there watching over him. It had always been a comfort factor for him since the day his father passed away. Billie Joe firmly believed that his father helped guide him and give him the strength he needed to go on.

Billie Joe smashed out the cigarette in the ash tray. "You know, I used to think that you looked down on me with pride but now I realize that you were looking down at me and saying 'You idiot. I did not raise you to act like that.'" Billie Joe looked back up at the glittering horizon.

"I saw Adrienne again today. Adrienne Nesser, remember her? I wanted to marry her but...." Billie Joe paused. "I don't know. I guess I was afraid of that commitment of forever and maybe one day failing her or something. She's been married, something I never did, divorced, something I figured I would have done by now, and has two kids, something I want but don't have. And she's still so beautiful."

Billie Joe leaned up on his legs and sighed as he let some of the weight that had been pressing on his heart release. "I love her. I want her. I want to be with her. But she doesn't want me anymore and I can see why. I acted like such an ass. I don't know what to do. I fucked it up this time and I don't know how to fix it." He looked up at the sky again. "Please tell me what to do."

Billie Joe put his face in his hands and missed the twinkling of a star against the ebony sheet of night. As the twinkle died, an idea was born.