Scandalous Scholastics

"Gerard Way," Heaven says, setting Frank's file down on her desk, "How can I help you?"

Gerard shuffles over to the couch and sits heavily. He groans and leans his head back, "Its very possible that I passed out when I saw Sarah stitch Frank's hand up."

Heaven grins over at him demurely, "You may have or you did? Did you land spread eagle on the ground? Did you wet yourself?"

"No I didn't wet myself," Gerard huffs, getting to his feet, "I'm going home. I don't know why I even bothered stopping by here in the first place."

Heaven giggles to herself as she watches Gerard's ass sway on the way out of her office. She really really needs to get laid. And she knows that's not going to happen. Or atleast, not with Gerard, so she huffs and shoves her things into her bag, and shuts her lights out.

Tarra meets her at the door to the parking lot and Heaven waves at her long time friend, "Sup Tarr?"

"Eh," Tarra says and sounds nothing short of tired. It's not even a full month into the school year yet. It's no wonder the first principal ran away screaming. Wil was a little unhinged anyway.

"What's wrong now?" Heaven asked, walking Tarra to her primo parking spot. Later Heaven was maybe going to unleash Frank Iero with some shaving creme and toilet paper.

"It's the school district. They're still pushing the Frank Iero thing," Tarra made a face Heaven mirrored.

"It's really none of the school district's business what we or his parents do with Frank," Heaven snapped irritably, "He doesn't have ADHD. He's a teenager."

"They're still a little mad about the spring dance incident. And the football field incident. And the damn overflown toilet incident," Tarra rubs at her forehead in irritation, "The school board passed a special bond just to pay for damages caused by Frank Iero."

Heaven laughs a little, "That's really interesting. Well, I'll see you at home, Boss."

Tarra shrugs and climbs into her car. Her and Tarra don't live together, not really, but they do regularly scheduled dinners at Tarra's parents house. Tonight they're doing curry and Heaven shoves everything she can into her backseat and starts her car. She pulls out and turns left. When she stops at the stop sign she sees Frank Iero spray painting the school's back wall.

She honks her horn to see him jump and drop the paint can.

"Need a ride home?" she offers with a grin.

His shoulders climb up to his ears, like he knows he's going to get chewed out. Heaven just turns the Pumpkins on louder, rolls the windows down, and drives fast. Frank reminds her of her little brother. They stop for milk shakes and fries (since Frank doesn't eat meat) and she helps him with his math homework, papers and notebooks pressed against the dashboard.

Frank's mom works the night shift at the hospital. She really loves her son but she's always tired and always working.
Heaven understands how hard it is to be a single mother. She saw her mom do it for years. So Heaven likes to help with Frank when she can. It all works out pretty well, except for the part where it's frowned at for her to spend time with her students outside of school and school related functions.

"Be good," Heaven warns as he climbs out of her car, and he grins back.

"I'm always good," he says cockily with a raised eyebrow. He slams her car door.

"I really liked your unicorn!" she calls out the open car window as he skips up his walk. He pauses at his porch stairs, turns and flips her off.

Frank Iero is such a little shithead.

/**\

There are screams coming from the basement at eight in the morning. Heaven frowns, because that is just ridiculous.

"William Beckett, if you're down there you get the fuck up here right now!"

"That is some foul language," Alex Gaskarth says from Heaven's elbow. Another scream crawls up from the basement and Alex pales.

"I'm just, going to--go that way," he says, points to his left and runs.

Heaven's pretty sure it's only a matter of time before Alex winds up down there because of curiosity. She shouts down for William again, and when she doesn't get an answer she figures he's not there. She finds him in the kitchen with the lunch lady, begging cookies.
She pulls him back to his desk by his ear.

"Do your job," she says meanly. Some times he acutally listens to her. They slept together over the summer break a few times. He's still a little whipped.

"You're mean," he calls, pouting because she stole two of the four cookies the lunch lady gave to him. Heaven will not fall victim to William Beckett's smile. Oh no.

She goes to her office to start filling out the papers she'll eventually need for when Alex discovers what's hiding in the basement. She's not sure she's equipped to deal with that level of mental scarrage. Heaven vaguely wonders how many of his friends he's going to be able to talk into going into the basement with him. She's betting on three. Possibly four if Haley is involved.

/**\

Jon Walker is possibly Heaven's favorite student. Ever. He'd shown up in her office with the last season of Angel. They were having a marathon. A very long, drawn out marathon. Well, actually, they were planning on watching an episode a day unitl school ended or they got through the season.

Their marathon was cut short by Ashlee Simpson knocking on her door. Real psychalogical problems come first.
No. Really.

"What can I do for you, Ashlee?" Heaven asks looking at the red headed girl. Ashlee sighs and wraps a strand of hair around a finger.

"Let's say I have an inappropriate crush on someone," she says, "But it's...illegal to do anything. What should I do?"

"Okay," Heaven says, because in Heaven's opinion there are only two people it could be at the school, and Gerard was too creepy for the used-to-be-blonde-girl, "I know Patrick Stump is hot man candy, but you must resist the temptation. You must."

"Oh my god, no," Ashlee says, "It's not Mr. Stump-" she leans forward and whispers -"He's got a receding hair line."

"I'd have a recedeing hair line if I had to deal with you every day too," Heaven rubs at her forehead.

This girl is crazy, P Stump is totally hot.

"See," Ashlee says, ignoring her, "But I think this guy totally likes me too."

"No," Heaven says, "No he doesn't. No you don't. Whoever this guy is will lose his job and any chance of getting a new one if you act on your foolish, childish impulses."

"Geez Ms. Hayward," Ashlee says, "Harsh." She gets up and makes to leave, "Oh, and Ms. Hayward? Pete Wentz is so much hotter than Patrick Stump."

And yeah, as a seventeen year old girl, Heaven thinks, that kind of really fucking figures.

/***\

Heaven crosses the football field in irritation. Of course Pete Wentz would have his class outside. Because he's Pete, and he has to make Heaven's life so much harder than it should be.

She winds her way through the students running drills and stands next to Pete on the field, "We have to talk."

"Okay," Pete agrees, because normally he and Heaven have really awesome conversations about 80's movies and the need to be just like Daniel Larusso. This is not going to be one of those talks.

"So," Heaven says, "Ashlee Simpson has the hots for you."

"Really?" Pete asks, and he sounds extremely happy about this. Heaven smacks him on the back of his head.

"The correct answer, Pete Wentz," Heaven says, "Is that you will sit down and tell her that there can't be anything between you guys because you're her teacher. And it's illegal. Do I need to get Gerard to tell you what they do to guys like you in prison?"

"Why is it that when ever you're irritated with me you call me by my full name?" Pete asks with a frown.

"That is not true," Heaven says, "I couldn't say your full name in the proper order if it would save my life."

"Fuck you."

"Pete, I feel I must warn you," Heaven says, "If you sleep with one of our students Tarra will rip your balls off."

"I--actually believe that," Pete pouts. "But I can flirt, right? And like, she's fair game after graduation?"

"I am morally required to tell you hell no you hound dog sonovabitch," Heaven says, "I don't want to know what you decide to do. Just remember, your balls are on the line."

Pete sighs unhappily before kicking a soccer ball out on the field. Heaven can hear him yell, "Alright fuckers, let's scrimage!"