The Unattainable

Later The Same Night

Okay, well maybe one dinner can hurt. Well, how I feel, at least!
We’ve had such a nice meal, and just talked about random stuff, you know? It was amazing, and I know that I’ve seriously never felt this way before, and no matter how hard I try to hide it, I now that I’ve fallen for this guy, and hard.
I can’t handle this, I really can’t! from just one conversation, the least ‘personal’ one we’ve had, I’ve realized just how much I care for this guy - and it’s killing me.
Because I know…. I know that we can’t be together, no matter how much I want this, no matter how much I try, we can’t make this work
And this thought is suffocating me, I can’t breathe, I’m asphyxiating, oh God!
I get up and numbly excuse myself from the table, making my way to the bathroom, feeling devoid of all emotion.
I look at myself in the mirror, and at the tears that slowly start to form at the edges of my eyes.
Why? Why did I have to fall for the one guy that I just can’t have?
I’m interrupted in my thoughts by a waitress walking into the toilets
‘Miss, are you alright? You seemed upset, and your dinner date appears to be slightly worried…?’ she trails off, noticing the tears in my eyes, as I look at her and try to speak, but my throat is choked up, and nothing comes out, and I let myself sink to the floor, as this girl [who seems to be about my age] runs over to me, and pulls me up, supporting my weight on her, and drags me over to one of the benches meant for laying your bag on as you ‘do your business’.
I let her lower me, and watch as she rummages in her pockets for a packet of tissues as my tears overflow, and spill down my face, my eyeliner running with them.
The nameless girl holds out a tissue, but I don’t reach for it, so she starts to wipe away my tears herself, making sure not to smudge the rest of my make up.
I breathe slowly in and out for the next few minutes, stopping myself from crying, as she rubs my arm gently, and sits down, silently beside me.
I’m glad for her silence, god knows how I’d cope with it if she tried to talk to me.
After she can see that I’ve calmed down, she stands up, and holds her hands out to me, as if to pull me up too.
I comply, and she looks me over, making sure I’m fine
“you okay now?“ she asks, sympathetically, genuine concern on her face
“Yeah, I should be fine now, thank you….?” I ask, realizing that I don’t actually know her name
“I’m Laura,” she answers with a hint of a smile across her pretty features, brushing back her light brown hair from her face
“Ami,“ I reply, smiling back at her, before we’re interrupted by a loud banging on the bathroom door, which makes Laura jump, but I just don’t react at all - living with Corey for the past few weeks has done that to me!
Then comes shouting. “Ami, Ami, are you in there? Are you okay? Did I do something? Can I come in? Please, please, Ami, let me in!” I heard Joey’s voice shriek, as I saw Laura jump slightly
“You going to open the door?” she whispered as I nod, then shake my head
Can I face him right now?
“What did he do?” she asks, nervously, but looking determined, as if she’s kick his ass from here to hell if he hurt me, I smile at her, and give her a hug, which alarms her slightly
“I Love him so much, but I know that we can’t be together, and It hurts, you know?” I whisper, barely managing to hear myself over Joey’s yells and begging, but Laura hears, and a look of understanding comes across her features, and she nods, then walks towards the door, and moves swiftly out of the way as Joey falls to the floor after banging on it furiously
“Look after her, Sir,” Laura tells him sternly, as she helps him up, and looks at me, as I nod to her - I want her to stay for a while.
Joey runs over to me after regaining his composure “Ami! Are you okay? I was getting so fucking worried you have no idea, dude! Did I do something, did I offend you or something? You just got up, and you looked so… dead inside, and I wondered if it was me that did it, ‘cause I don’t want to hurt you, because I…Shit,” he stops, suddenly in his ranting tirade to look at his feet, nervously
“Joey, it’s not your fault, nothing is your fault, I just… well, I just thought of something that made me feel crushed is all, but it’s… okay, now” I finish, not knowing how to say what I mean, but safe in the knowledge that as long as he is near me, I am okay, because no matter how he’s killing me, it would be worse to not be around him, and I know that in some way, at least, if only as a good friend, he cares about me.
I hug him tightly, and he returns it, as if he were to never let me go, and he kisses me gently of the forehead, making my heart leap in my chest
“If I could make that thought go away, I would, because I don’t want anything to hurt you, not now, not ever.” he says with a cheesy grin, and I laugh at him, then shake my head, sadly
“You Can’t Joey, I wish you could too, but you can’t, not this thought,” I whisper, and Laura gently rubs my back, and I feel glad for it - she’s the only one who knows what I’m thinking, the only one who knows how I actually feel
And I hardly know her.

Joey looks at me concerned, “Why, Ami? Why can’t I make it go away? What’s troubling you, you can tell me, I swear, I’m here for you,” Joey mumbles. Making me shift around nervously
How can I tell him that he’s the cause of my bad thought?
How can I tell the man I love that I love him without ruining his life?
Hang on, did I just think Love?
Shit, Shit, Shit!
I do, I Love him! What do I do? What can I say?
My rampage of thoughts is interrupted by the whisper in my ear from behind “Just tell him, just let him know, he cares for you - it won’t matter” I turned to see Laura, who gave me a sad smile “I know how this is, I know how it feels, and it’s always best just to say how you feel, before it’s too late, before you loose him,” she finishes, and begins to walk away, but not before I see the single tear fall from her eye
I realize that she’s right
I can’t lose this guy
“It…. It’s that I can’t be with you,” I rush out, and turn away from his gaze, and brace myself for the rejection… which doesn’t come
I look up at Joey, who is staring open mouthed at me “I’m sorry,” I whisper “I shouldn’t have said that!” I continue, and try to pull away, unprepared for the fact that he might not want to let me go
“Why can’t you be with me?” he whispered, giving me such a sad look, that my heart nearly broke in two
“Because of Reagan, Joey! What will she think, what would she say? And besides, I didn’t mean, like friends, Joey, I meant something more,” I shake my head sadly, slowly, then continue “and you don’t think of me like that, that’s why.” I finish.
That’s it, I’ve done it, there’s no going back

Joey’s POV

As I process what she says, there’s a rush of warmth towards my heart
She… LIKE likes me, I…. I can’t believe it! She… oh my fucking god, dude!
I see her looking lost and helpless, like she’s make a mistake, and doesn’t know what to do. She looks like a rabbit in the headlights, caught out.
I want that to go away, I want her to know I feel the same way, I want…
I crash my lips against hers, more passionately than I’ve ever done before
I Love her, yeah, I know!
I’ve fallen fast, but isn’t that what love is all about?
She kisses me back, passionately, making me feel like the happiest guy alive
We break away, slowly, as we hear a cough coming from behind us - I forgot, we’re in the doorway of a posh restaurant.
I look at the person behind us, and mouth ‘sorry’ as I pull Ami away, and back to out table.
“I, I love you,” I say, as she sits down, her cheeks flushed, as she looks up at me
“Wh-what?” she whispers, sounding stunned. She doesn’t get it yet? I’ve fallen head over heels, and the girl doesn’t even know it
“I love you, Ami, more than anything - except Reagan, that is,” I chuckle slightly to myself, and she laughs, too, as I wait for the reply I desperately want to hear
“I love you too, Joey,”