My Heart Says That I Just Can't Quit

"Dirty whore!" Kelly screams from the confines of the van. Though her voice was muffled by the sealed off walls of the car, I heard her as if she was nagging in my ear.

She hops out of the van and rushes to me. "I didn't do shit that time!" I scream back at her and step away from the filed and polished daggers she calls nails.

"I'm not talking about you," she says with a disgusted look on her face. "I'm talking about him!"

David snaps out of his dazed state and stares at her. "What did I do?"

Kelly suddenly gets this enraged look on her face and lunges at him, slapping him across the face in the process, the aforementioned death-nails leaving a scarlet trail on his right cheek. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

David quickly recovers from the blow and lays a hand to the side of his face. "Like this relationship wasn't already over! I know what you do every time you come to the hotel room late at night!"

"So I enjoy a few late night drinks, SUE ME!"

"Sure, that might be what leads up to what you do, but I know you're really fucking Jayk behind my back!"

Oh snaps. Everyone gasps and we collectively turn to look at Jayk who, at the moment, seems like he doesn't want to be here anymore.

She backs down, grumbles, and heads off in a random direction, Jayk jumping out of the van to chase after her. David, still clutching his face, walks in the opposite direction and I look over to who was left in the van. Devin is coming toward me and the others split up to find the runaways.

"I have no idea what just happened," I say while replaying the whole scene in my head.

"David just silently confessed his love for you. Kelly freaked out like the bitch she is, clawed David's face, and ran away. Jayk was secretly screwing her explaining her prolonged absences, and this last part didn't happen but it's totally obvious: Bobby is also in love with you," Devin explains in a nonchalant-best friend kind of way.

I glance at her. "What would I do without you?"

"Still be standing here. Now go after your man!"

"But I don't want to hurt Bobby's feelings."

"Don't worry about him. He'll get over it, find a new girl, and you'll both live happy lives. But that won't happen until you go find David!"

I look off in the distance at where David took off. Something in the back of my mind is telling me that it isn't the right thing to do. That same thing is telling me I should go home right now. And I believe it.

"Devin, I -- we can't. We have to go home or everything will get worse," I say in a voice that doesn't seem like my own.

"What? Why? Don't you love him?"

I nod. "And that's why we have to leave."

- - -

Months passed. The last time I saw David was that one day in the parking lot of a Denny's. I didn't leave a note, didn't answer my phone when he called, just drove away with Devin in the passenger's seat of my truck. I did this because I found that I was slowly decaying Varsity Fanclub. Like a nasty infected toenail you never noticed until you were sent to the ER. You have to remove the source of the problem for things to heal.

But as I said, that was months ago. They all gave up calling after two weeks of total isolation. Even Devin joined me though it killed her inside to not speak to Thomas.

"Charlie! I just talked to Thomas!" Devin shouts and enters the living room where I am watching a channel that plays '90s music videos 24-hours a day. Well I guess I spoke too soon.

"I knew you'd crack eventually," I comment, turning the volume down on "As Long as You Love Me."

"Guess what!" she prompts in a giddy I-just-kissed-the-captain-of-the-football-team schoolgirl kind of way and jumps on the couch besides me, cellphone clutched so tightly in her hand that her knuckles were white.

I raise a brow. "What?"

"Guess!"

"Llamas have enslaved the human race and decided that we're the only cool ones of our species so they've dubbed us duchesses and exempt from all taxes and labor?"

"What the fuck? No. I worry about you sometimes," she replies slightly less giddy than before. "C'mon, guess seriously! This is important!"

I throw my hands up and rise from the couch so I could go to the kitchen. "Okay, um, Drew decided he wanted a solo career so VFC is no more?" I guess, pouring myself and Devin glasses of water.

"No. I'll just tell you because you suck at this," she says, grasping her glass and touching it to her lips. "The boys are back in town!"

I spit the swig of water I just took back into my glass. "Pardon?"

"The boys are back in town, the boys are back in town!" she sings.

I set the glass down. It's been months and I still don't feel ready to face him again. And what has become of Kelly?

"If you wondering about the status of everyone, I can tell you. It doesn't sound pretty though so you're gonna want to sit on something soft," Devin answers my silent questions.

I wander back to the couch and stare past her, mentally preparing myself for the worst.

"I'll start off with the good," Devin starts, picking out her words carefully. Did someone die? "Drew is still the same, still recording and writing songs. He doesn't seem the least bit different. Tom is basically the same too other than the fact he's missing me a whole lot. Jayk, well he's still a manwhore. Bobby is more outgoing than usual so I'm sure he's over you by now."

I sit there and wait. David. What about David? I mentally scream at her.

She hears my telepathic message and scrunches up her face. "Promise you won't freak out?"

Oh no. Oh shit. Fuck! "She's not pregnant is she?" I ask the inevitable question.

"Oh, she is," Devin answers. My heart just broke; shattered into a million pieces, never to be quite the same. Reading my expression Devin quickly begins talking again. "But not with David's baby!"

I instinctively put a hand over my heart. Good. Good, good, good. "Then whose is it?"

"Jayk's," she says. "Remember the whole fucking behind David's back thing? Well they weren't using protection and now she's 4 months along…"

I smirk and nod. "I knew it would happen sooner or later. But you still haven't told me about Dave."

Her face scrunches up again as she prepares to tell me more bad news. "Well that's the thing. Even though Kelly is knocked up with Jayk's baby, she--he--they--"

"Spit it out, Devin!"

"They're engaged," she exhales. "I don't know the details, but they're engaged."

I close my eyes and try to think positively. "Engaged and underage. Not only that, but it's a shotgun wedding! And it's not even the groom's! Great!" I laugh sardonically. "Fuck my life!" I add in the same cheery tone.

"I'm sorry," Devin says.

The tears flood and spill over. I had my chance and I gave it up. "Why didn't you go after him?" I chide myself aloud. Devin frowns and pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back in a fashion that reminded me of David during the earthquake.

"I would've done the same thing," she comforts softly.

"Really?" I babble.

She takes in a shallow breath. "No…"

I stifle a cry and push myself away. "I messed up, and I messed up big," I say, running my arm across my tear-soaked eyes. "What should I do?"

Devin looks around the room and exhales slowly. "I guess we'll just have to act like nothing happened and be civil to everyone."

"Are they home right now?" She nods. "Well then let's go."

"This is going to be so awkward," I say, checking myself in the reflection of the glass doors. As I fix my hair I see a familiar woman with an unusually swollen midsection sitting on the couch with a phone resting on her bump.

"I'm going to knock now," Devin says slowly and pushes me aside.

As Devin's knuckles make contact with the door, Thomas comes rushing out of his room with a big smile across his face. "Hey!" he says, opening the door and kissing Dev on the cheek then giving me a hug. "Nice to know you two are still alive. I mean, you left us with nothing."

Hearing Thomas's words, two other faces pop up: Drew and David. David was sitting on the couch and until he leaned over, I couldn't see him behind Kelly's stomach. Isn't she four months? How the fuck can she already be so huge?

"Hi," he grins at me, but Kelly, still the bitter bitch she is, slaps his arm. He, however, resists her warning and saunters toward me, arms spread wide. "Hi," he echoes.

I can't help but smile at this engaged, unbelievably hot man and when he wraps his arms around my waist I snuggle my nose into his chest and inhale deeply. This smell, this touch, this warmth -- this is all that I want and all that I can't have.

"I'm sorry I left so suddenly," I say in a quiet, muffled voice.

"Just as long as you're here now," he replies into my hair and lightly kisses the top of my head. He releases me and stares into my eyes for a long second. "So I have some news."

"You're engaged to the pregnant slut," I say and look back at Kelly who is in shock and awe at what I said. If she weren't so preggers she probably would have charged me. "Shut up, I still hate you, bitch."

"Harsh language," Drew interjects in a joking manner, stealing me away from David and hugging me to his chest. "It's okay, I hate her too," he whispers into my ear before saying, "I missed you so much!"

I snort and squeeze Drew before trying to break free. "No!" he screams when I push his chest.

"Look who it is."

I see Bobby and Jayk coming through the front door with some bags which I assume is stuff for Kelly. At least she has an excuse for attention now.

"Help," I mouth to Bobby and point at Drew over his shoulder.

Bobby smiles and comes up to Drew, pulling us apart saying it was his turn, and pulls me into a bear hug that's constricting, but strangely comforting.

"Where have you been?" he grunts, squeezing me tighter and swinging me around a little.

"Can't--" I gasp, struggling for air.

He releases and I take a dizzy step back. He's gotten buffer than I last remembered.

"Hey, Charlie." Jayk smiles at me, taking everything out of the bags and placing them on the counter.

"Hey future daddy," I reply assuming everyone is okay with it.

His smile lingers a little and takes an abrupt turn. "Excuse me," he says, bolting straight for the bathroom.

I raise a brow. "I don't get it," I say now turning to everyone else, "Is he the pregnant one or is the whale?"

Devin bursts out laughing but there seemed to be a gray cloud over the guys' head. Okay, note to self: no baby talk. Baby talk equals awkward silence and a sick Jayk.

"Well, we have to go," Kelly suddenly says, extending her hand to David so she can get up. When up she adds, "We have a parenting class in half an hour."

"Shouldn't Jayk go too?" Devin asks.

"Yeah, but he gets sick whenever we enter the room. David usually gives him a mini lesson when we get back."

David waves to us and gently guides Kelly outside with his hands on her shoulders.

"Poor Jayk," Devin says, taking hold of Thomas's collar and pulling him with her to his room. "Thank God we use protection."

When they are gone I look over at Bobby who is sitting on the couch watching ESPN. "I cannot describe how utterly disturbing that was."

"That they're getting married, she's pregnant with Jayk's baby, or Devin?" he asks, looking up at me.

"All of it," I say, pulling my keys from my pocket. "Wanna go somewhere?"

Bobby decided it would be a good idea to go about the town after been gone for so long, but on one condition: he drives. I don't understand why this is so important to him, but I allow it. We drive to the far west side of the city and as we go the horizon is growing wider and wider.

"The beach?" I ask realizing I don't have a bikini on nor am I wearing flip-flops or shorts or any kind of beach-friendly attire.

"Yeah, I haven't been here for a while," Bobby answers with a grin.

"Bobby, I'm not wearing anything waterproof."

He looks over and smiles. "You have skin."

I gasp. "Bobby!" I shout, smacking him while he laughs at my embarrassment. "God, you used to be so pure."

As we draw nearer, I notice barely anyone is there, and the people who were there were heading to their cars, bikes, etc.

"Whoa, empty," Bobby says, getting curbside parking which isn't the easiest thing to do in L.A.

"Maybe the plague is spreading along the coast," I suggest, getting out of the car and squinting in the strangely bright, gray scenery.

Bobby follows alongside me as I climb over the rocky border between beach and sidewalk. "Nah, they're just making room for us," he says, taking one hand out from his jacket pocket and grabbing my hand. When I feel the contact I'm not quite sure what to think of it and look down to make sure if he really did what I think he did. Yup, he did, our fingers were intertwined like vines.

He notices me staring at our hands and stops our walking on the edge of the shore. "Uncomfortable?"

I shake my head and look at the setting sun. "No, just surprised."

He sits down and pulls my hand for me to join him, so I do. "You know what would be even more surprising?" he prompts, pulling me closer and snaking his arm around my waist just as casually as he did to hold my hand.

And now I'm nervous. In a matter of months my life has turned upside down. David is engaged, his fiancé is going to be the mother of Jayk's first child, Devin ditched Jayk for Thomas, Drew is still fucking weird, and Bobby is making moves at me! What the hell! And over it all I still can't get over how perfect David is and how mentally challenged I am for letting him get away as many times as I did.

I wait for Bobby to kiss me. It was inevitable and obvious that he was going to. So I stare at the purples, oranges, and pinks swirling and blending into a beautiful sky only to be overtaken by the gray clouds. Gee, kind of resembles my life at the moment.

"If it started raining," Bobby finishes, taking my chin and gently placing his lips on mine as a cold, wet friend graces my cheek. I count five more slow drops until he pulls away and then the sky begins to pour on us.

"And that's the magic of the Spy Kid!" he yells in triumph before leaning in again.