My Heart Says That I Just Can't Quit

"Oh come on, it's not the end of the world."

"Says you, Miss 'I Don't Appreciate My Manwhore'," I groaned into the pillow I've tried to smother myself with for the past ten minutes.

"Hey, I'm at least taking your advice," Devin commented, coming over and snatching the hotel pillow from my grasp. "And could you quit the suicidal attempts, we're going down to dinner with them in a few minutes."

"What's the point? He's just going to focus on... On... It!" I sputtered, tone wrought with despair.

"I've never seen you act like this before, and I must say, it's sort of depressing," she said, sitting a comfortable distance away from me across of the room.

"Imagine how I feel."

There was a knock at the door and Devin got up to answer it. I rolled over toward the wall and buried my face in the pillow once more, allowing it to block my air supply.

"Are you two ready?" I faintly heard Drew ask behind me.

"Uh, yeah, hold on a second," Devin replied.

Her soft footsteps padded across the cushiony carpet in my direction, a hand soon following, stealing my pillow away again.

"C'mon, we have to go," she whispered.

"Just tell them I'm sick, I don't want to go."

She paused, glanced up at the doorway then back to me. "Okay, but you owe me."

"Yes, one million points for you," I conceded impatiently. "Now go. Don't keep Jaykers waiting."

I saw the discomfort flicker across her face when I said that and all she did in response was replace the pillow back in my hands. No girly giggle, no funny comeback. Hell, not even an insult. She really was serious about breaking up with him. And I knew exactly whom she was going to use as rebound.

"Try not to puke while I'm gone," I heard her call after me in an attempt to convince the all-knowing Drew. I chuckled whilst I punched my pillow back into shape, getting up and heading for the bathroom when I was done.

While I brushed my teeth, thoughts of David creeped into my skull. When did they even start going out? Why did they even start going out? Is she prettier than me? Funnier? Smarter? What did she do to reel him in that I didn't already try in the last two years? Have I made myself seem too much like a sister or friend to him?

Fortunately, all these questions were interrupted by a sharp series of knocks on my door. Momentarily forgetting my current task, I went ahead and answered it, toothbrush hanging out in my mouth and all.

"Hey," Bobby greeted awkwardly, eyeing the bit of toothpaste that I could feel dripping down my chin. "Devin said you were sick?"

I stared at him with glassy eyes but then remembered my excuse for not going to dinner. It took me a minute to get into character.

"Oh, sick, right," I coughed, adding an extra effect when I decided not to cover my mouth and spray him with blue, minty foam.

He then shrugged off his jacket and very politely asked, "May I come in?"

Blinking very cluelessly as to why he was even here, I stepped backward very suddenly and lost my balance. Luckily, Bobby was still there and ready to catch me.

"No wonder she sent me here to take care of you," he muttered jokingly, setting me on my feet again.

I toyed with the toothbrush and pushed it to the other side of my mouth with my tongue. "What do you mean?"

Bobby paced over to Devin's unmade bed, slipping off his shoes, and kicked back on the pillows. "Well she said she was worried about leaving you alone. Saying something about being a danger to yourself." I couldn't help but get a quick glimpse of the pillow on my bed.

"She tried asking David to come up here, and he said he would, but Kelly refused to leave his side and Devin thought that two people would just be overwhelming for you," he continued, "Especially since you just met Kelly and all."

I nodded and headed back to the bathroom to rinse. Devin was a pretty good liar. When I came back out Bobby was flipping through fuzzy basic cable channels.

"Don't you feel like you're missing out?" I questioned, hopping onto the open space next to him.

He shook his head and finally turned off the TV. "Nah, they're all paired off so I felt somewhat like a third wheel," he laughed, "You know, you were supposed to be my date."

I laughed along with the joke. "Who's everyone else with?"

"Jayk and Devin, they were kind of awkward together. David and Kelly, just a bunch of baby-baby from them." Ew. "And Drew and Thomas, that's a match made in heaven."

I snorted. "Seriously? Ha, I knew they'd go gay for each other at one time or another."

"Oh, you too?" he said, going along with it. Once the laughter had died down Bobby stared curiously into my eyes for a few moments. "You're not really sick are you?"

"Nope."

"Then what's up?"

I looked away, tugging nervously at a loose thread in the comforter, and tasted the metal flavor of blood as I dug my teeth into my bottom lip. "You'd think it's stupid."

He waited a second before responding and I could feel his brown eyes bearing deep into my distracted expression. "Okay."

Finally the thread had snapped off and my lip had gone numb. He knew that was going to bug me. Suddenly I felt the urge to embarrass myself and spill my guts to Bobby, but I couldn't cave in; that's what he wants me to do.

"Okay," I echoed in an attempt to suppress my need to chatter.

It was silent. Nothing awkward, just empty; I needed to fill the void.

"Alright!" I sighed dramatically, causing him to chuckle a bit at the success of his trick. With a quick glare in his direction I continued. "Kelly is a whore-bag and I didn't want to see her all over David because..."

"You like him," Bobby filled in the words I couldn't manage to get out.

"A little more than that, but yeah, sure," I said.

"See, that wasn't hard," he smiled with satisfaction.

"You're not going to tell anyone, right?"

He pantomimed zipping up his lips and grinned adorably towards me.

I leaned back on the cloud-comfy pillows and rolled onto my side so I was facing Bobby. "What to do now?"

"Want to go to dinner?" he suggested just as his stomach growled.

I laughed. "Yeah, sure."

- - -

"So I'm going down the slide, then I feel... Hey look who decided to get out of bed," David greeted Bobby and me as we walked up to the booth they were seated in, Bobby's arm draped lazily over my shoulders.

I smiled weakly to keep my excuse alive. "I didn't want to miss out on a chance to get to know a new friend," I declared with a hoarse voice, directing my comment to Kelly who cuddled up next to David, his arm wrapped protectively around her waist.

Devin exhaled sharply, allowing me to pick up that she found my act amusing. Next to her on one side was Jayk and on the other was Thomas. I couldn't help but notice she was sitting at an angle that favored Thomas over her boyfriend.

"Pull up a chair, there's plenty of room at the table," Drew proclaimed while generously making space for one person next to him.

"You can have that spot," Bobby whispered to me, leaving shortly to get a chair from an empty table across the room.

Graciously, I thanked Drew and slid in right next to him, across from me sat Kelly.

Just one kick, I should at least be allowed that, I conspired in my head, I could just say it slipped, I lost control, I didn't know how far my leg was going, my stuffy nose was ruining my perception of things around me. She looks dumb enough to fall for any of those.

"Ow!" Kelly squeaked as the toe of my slip-on collided with her shin.

I pretended to look startled by the sound. "What's wrong Kel?" I asked with realistic worry. By the way I was playing this off, I could easily be mistaken for an Oscar-grubbing actress.

"You just kicked me!" she accused angrily.

My eyebrows knit together in a look of hurt and sympathy. "Did I Kel? I'm sorry, I didn't know your leg was there."

"I'm sitting right across from you!"

David's arm tightened around his girlfriend and he muttered a quiet, "Babe, people are staring."

"Yeah," Devin continued, "And she said sorry, stop being a bitch."

My brows met again for a different reason and I stared at my friend. I knew she was blunt, but damn.

Noticing everyone else staring at her, Devin slowly looked down at her plate and softly excused herself, awkwardly climbing over Thomas's, Drew's, and my lap.

Right as she had left Bobby came back with a chair. "Did I miss something?"

I glanced over at David and he was inaudibly consoling his weeping girlfriend. When he looked up I saw his eyes conveying anger, and they were looking straight at me. Then he stood up very abruptly, bringing Kelly with him, and left the booth without a word.

Bobby watched them leave and looked at the chair again. "Guess I won't need this anymore," he said lightly, contrasting from the current atmosphere of the table.

"Maybe I should go find Devin," Jayk proposed uncomfortably, finding his way out of the booth.

Bobby gazed after him too. "So I guess dinner is over, huh?"

"Guess so," Thomas answered, leaving as well, Drew following suit.

Now Bobby looked at me and held out his hand. "Ready?"

I accepted the offer and began walking along side him towards the exit.

"Was it something I did?" he asked worriedly, looking down at the ground.

I glanced over at him and laughed once, obtaining a glum smirk as I did. "No, Bobby. Nothing was your fault."