My Heart Says That I Just Can't Quit

"Stay away from my boyfriend!"

"Newsflash, he forgot all about you. I have David wrapped around my finger."

"Why I oughta..."

An explosion of fireworks blossomed out of my cartoon fist as it collided with Kelly's cheek. Everything started to go into slow motion as her face went with the motions and a tooth flew out of her puckered mouth; a perfectly white comet with a crimson tail of blood. She fell to the ground, a thud ringing out as the dust puffed out around her. The desert scenery wasn't so bare anymore as everything that I cared about suddenly appeared by my nemesis's body.

"What did you do?" he blubbered, a tear streaming down his cheek.

I was silent, everything turned into black and white and when David opened his mouth, no sound came out. Once it was shut, a shroud of black covered the scene and white text revealed his words: "You couldn't have just been happy for me?"

I examined his battered expression when the black faded away. Kelly was dead -- it was easy to tell from the X's her eyes made and the limp tongue that stuck out the corner of her mouth. David's movements were overdone as he continued to speak. This message read, "You've never hurt me this bad before."

I moved closer to him only to be pushed away. Of course there was no physical contact, but I sensed the tension between us with every inch I gained. Then it was my turn to gesture.

"You mean everything to me..." I said, but he looked away.

"I hate you."

My body had a spasm then, freeing my mind from the nightmare.

"I hate you?" I echoed softly after moments in silence.

I rolled over and checked the clock on the nightstand between Devin's bed and mine. It was barely one in the morning and because of previous events, I'd only gotten to sleep about an hour ago. I rolled onto my back again, staring at the ceiling as I processed my dream. Why we were cartoons, I had no answer, but maybe the silent movie part meant we don't communicate as well as we used to. Everything else was pretty easy to understand.

"Hey, Devin?" I called, suddenly feeling very alone. I echoed her name again when there was no answer, but it just faded out in the silence.

I shot up then, alarmed but the stillness and gazed at Devin's empty bed. The imprint of her body was still there, but judging by the temperature of the sheets, she was long gone. I ran. Never mind I was in a tanktop and short-shorts; that was the furthest thing from my thoughts as I darted around the maze that was the stairwell of the hotel. Once I'd made it down to the second floor I began pounding on doors, not caring about who I woke up. The doors of 225, 226, and 227 lethargically opened, three just as tired boys appearing on the other side of them.

Jayk rubbed his eyes and yawned, retreating a little bit behind the door as he remembered he was only wearing boxer-briefs. "What?"

"What," I repeated frantically, "What?"

"Chill, chill, what are you crying about?" he asked then, lowering his voice as an indicator for me to lower mine as well.

Crying? Since when was I crying? I thought, instinctively reaching a hand up to touch my cheek. There was, like Jayk point out, a tear crawling towards my chin.

"Devin's gone!"

Jayk immediately woke up and jumped out from behind the door; I avoided looking at his lower half, he did just wake up after all.

Drew, having just woke up too, darted back into his room and came back as quick as he'd gone. He had a pillow shielding his area as he reported Thomas's disappearance.

My mind went off to a different place then. That explained everything. As I drifted back to reality, I noticed David in his doorway. His set of dark, fluffy locks was a classic case of bed head, but he somehow pulled it off. Also having more sense than the other guys, he'd put on a loose set of basketball shorts and a white v-neck tee. It clung to his lean figured, but then again, so did Kelly.

"Morning," I smiled at David, half hoping he wasn't still mad, and half trying to change the subject for the sake of Devin and Jayk's sinking relationship.

He raised an eyebrow at me and for a second I really thought I'd screwed up everything between us, but I was soon saved as he yawned softy only to grin back at me. "Good morning."

"Yeah, hi," Kelly greeted too; no genuine smile playing on her lips whatsoever. She was definitely still mad at me, not like that mattered though.

"What should we do?" Drew asked, dragging me out of my relief.

Then I panicked. Should I cover for my best friend and possibly hurt Jayk, or should I come out with the truth and definitely hurt Devin. Somehow lying seemed a hell of a lot better than honesty.

"Uh... Well, I'm sure she's fine. Maybe went to the store to get tampons or something," I rushed, "You know me; overreacting Charlie, always crazy about every little thing. I'm gonna go back to bed now, get some rest. Not getting as much of that these days. Nope. Alright, good night everyone, sorry about that."

My feet slowly pulled back while I beat myself up over the horrible cover up, but then again, it was early. Maybe they weren't thinking straight and would believe anything.

"Getting tampons... With Thomas?" Drew asked suspiciously.

"Who said anything about her being with Thomas," I started up again, "He could be doing something totally different. This could just be some big coincidence. He could be getting... Guy... Stuff?" Just keep digging the grave. Deeper and deeper...

Drew stared at me longer, seeing right through my act and nodded slowly, showing me he was unconvinced, but too tired to continue. "Okay... Good night, Charl."

"Night, Charlie," Jayk said, also going back inside his room.

David yawned again and waved to me before his monster of a girlfriend pulled him back inside.

Once I was sure all their doors were closed, I brought up a hand to smack my forehead. "Buy tampons," I reiterated with disbelief, spinning around to get to the elevator. My thumb repeatedly smashed the up button as I muttered things about how idiotic I was. Finally the doors opened.

"Devin!" I screamed angrily, stepping into the little box as Thomas stepped out, departing from their tight embrace.

"Yes?" she responded warily, reeling back a little as to dodge a fist from punching her in the mouth -- something I really felt like doing.

"My debt as been paid."

"Huh? What debt? How?"

I exhaled sharply as we were brought to our floor and led us out. "Thomas! Ha! I knew it!"

"Okay, so I'm kind of with Thomas right now. It's cool. He's fine with the whole Jayk thing, you know, just as long as we don't hurt Jayk, Tom is totally cool about it," Devin explained, ignoring the insanity in my tone.

I opened our room door and continued on with my rant. "Hurt. Jayk. What the fuck do you think you were doing? Cheating is horrible! And you should know! I can't believe you would do this after what Ben had done to you," I said, trying to bring Devin back from this fantasyland she was in, "He almost found out! How long has this been going on?"

Devin was quiet and didn't look me in the eye. "This was the first time. What do you mean Jayk almost found out?"

"Well, I woke up, you weren't here, I panicked," I began to explain while she when to the bathroom to wash up, "So I went down to their rooms and said you were gone."

"What?" she screamed.

"Well you should have left a note or something! Hell, you shouldn't have even been out with him in the first place!"

"What I do with Thomas is my business. What I do with Jayk is also my business. I don't need you monitoring my life," she told me, coming back into the main room to gather a pillow and a blanket, "I'm going to sleep in the car tonight."

"Wait--"

It was too late then. She'd shut me out, literally and metaphorically. I fell back onto the white clouds of my bed. The only thing I could do was just sleep. If I went after her, she'd get even madder, and if I went to vent to the guys they'd find out.

"Why does everything have to be so complicated?" I asked myself in the darkness.

When I'd woken in the morning everyone was already up and ready in the lobby. The guys sent a wake up call for me and I only had ten minutes to get ready to go back on the road. With only two minutes to spare, my bags were strapped on, the room was in disarray, and I was still in pajamas, but my breath smelled minty fresh and my hair wasn't a bird's nest. That's all the really matters at five in the morning.

The elevator had stopped on the ground floor and David was waiting outside with Kelly. Apparently everyone got too impatient and already piled into the van.

"Where's Devin?" he questioned with concern as he took two of my bags from me.

"She slept in the car," I answered, "We had a fight."

He nodded and walked alongside me. "I'm glad she came back."

"Wha--? Oh, oh yeah, me too."

"So what was the fight about?"

I looked around as I tried to think about another lie, but it hurt me to even think about lying to David. "It was nothing," I said softly, avoiding all eye contact.

He was silent for a moment, like he'd seen right through my falsehood, but he only nodded again and continued walking.

There was only so much distance left to the van, but I had to get something off my chest before it ate me whole on the inside.

"David, can you hang back with me for a minute?" I requested, shooting a glance toward Kelly.

David looked over to her too, then back to me, then gave her a squeeze, whispering something in her ear that made her frown. I admit I smiled a little bit then.

Once she was far enough from us, I took a deep breath and slowly said, "I'm sorry. Just really, really sorry."

He hugged me then. No words were exchanged, but that hug was enough to console me. When he let go he still held me by my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes.

"You don't have to like her, but couldn't you just tolerate her? For me?"

Those uniquely colored eyes were enough to convince me to bomb the country. Anything he asked me to, I would. If only he knew about the strong hold he had on me.

I looked down because I really didn't like Kelly, but David crouched down so he could still stare. I laughed a little, making him smile. "Sure. But this isn't because I like her."

"Of course."

"For you."

"Yup."

"Just you. No one else."

"Indeed."

"David, you have no idea how much you're killing me inside."

He smirked. "Yeah, I know. Thank you."

I returned the smile involuntarily and he gave me one last embrace before he lightly kissed my cheek and hurried over to the van with the rest of the guys and Kelly. It took everything I had in me not to squeal and dance.