I Don't Wanna Be in Love

The blinds are drawn, as they have been for last week, it doesn’t look like anyone is home, but there is. The house inside has a strong stench of week old garbage, alcohol and cigarette smoke. The grass is bushy and hasn’t been mowed in two weeks. This outer appearance matches the atmosphere set inside.

Pictures are scattered all across the floor, in and out of frames and opened photo albums. Home videos that played in the DVD player are too spread around the floor. The television is on but no picture shows, it’s just black. And there on the cluttered floor, in front of the couch, is the homeowner’s slumped form. He’s passed out from exhaustion, emotional and physical. And along with the house odors, he smells of perspiration.

Just as he starts to fall into a deep sleep and away from all the pain that surrounds his waking being, his mind is pulled through a river of memories. In moments the river of happy times twists and contorts into the reality that’s shattered his heart and he wakes up in a cold sweat.

Jacoby’s blurry eyes are out of focus as he first opens them up but after a second or two they clear and he takes in the surrounding sight: The filth and pure pity of disgusting heart-ache. Uncontrollably he breaks down for what may be the thousandth time, as his head falls into his hands and he closes his eyes and pictures his lost love walking through that door just once more.

And he’s picturing it so hard he thinks he’s finally losing it, because he swears he hears a rap at the door. His sobbing stops as his ears prick up hoping to hear the hopeful noise once again. And again he does. There’s another knock at the door and it’s harder this time. Scrambling to his feet he rushes off towards the door to pull it open hastily but it’s not Ember standing on that welcome home rug.

“Man you look like absolute hell,” His long time friend Jerry says, speaking with every ounce of worry that he’s been carrying around. Titling his head inside the non-lit house he sees the wreckage across the room, and when Jacoby slouches back into the darkness and takes a seat on the worn out couch, he follows inside. He had shut the door and so no light was shining through, Jerry hit the lights and the disturbing image from the doorway hit him straight on. “Have you just been sitting in here like this? Living like this?” And Jacoby doesn’t answer, there is nothing to say.

Jerry sighs, almost wanting to cry at the sight of his buddy, but knows he has to remain strong to help him get through this. He’s at a lost for words, he knew it was bad but not this bad. For he knew Jacoby really loves Ember, this situation came out of the blue, but he didn’t know he’d take it this way. And he’s only getting worse.

How long would she be gone? How long was long enough until she knew they were really meant to be? That she really loved him? Would it be a day? Or two? Or would it be a week? Or longer like a month… Was she dating anyone new? Already? When would he see her again? And will he have the chance to give her that beautiful ring he had only gotten that day?

Jacoby doesn’t know those questions and more have run millions of miles through his head, and his friends’. The first day and a half, maybe, he was trying to be a sad positive, that this was for the best and things happen for a reason. But then he didn’t see her, he didn’t hear from her and her note really hit him. And the stupid little thought that she might not come home crept in and started living in the corner. And Jacoby can’t get rid of it.

“I just want her back.” He blubbers out loud, just to get it out of his head. As he starts to fall apart again Jerry takes him in arms so he wouldn’t fall over in his self sorrow. Jacoby cries hard into his friends shoulder, and he didn’t know it but this is what he needed. He didn’t need to be alone, he needed to be held and for someone to tell him that it’s all going to be alright.

“She’ll be back man. It’s all going to work out.” Sure, Jerry doesn’t know if that’s the truth but that’s what his friend needs to hear. “But in the mean time you need to take care of yourself. This, what you’re doing to yourself, isn’t the way to deal with this.”

“…In…the…mean time...” Jacoby chokes out, getting terrible images of Ember never returning through that door. And at this time he doesn’t feel like he could ever heal from that.

“You need to eat and shower and be around friends right now. What you’re doing isn’t what Ember would want is it?” As bad as Jerry didn’t want to go there and play that card, he had too; he didn’t have anything better to play. “What if she seen you like this? What would she say?” Jacoby doesn’t have an answer because he hadn’t thought about it. He hasn’t given one thought to taking care of himself. He’s only thought about if she’s okay, and where is she staying. What is she looking like right now? Is she feeling this pain too? Jacoby doesn’t know.

He takes the next few minutes to break down some more, still gathered into Jerry’s arms as he thinks about the previous questions. After passing minutes spent on thinking those thoughts, Jacoby slowly collects himself and stops his weeping.

“Are you okay?” Jerry asks as Jacoby’s breathing softens and moves at a common pace.

And almost hypnotic he answers with “I’m going to go take a shower.” His voice is whisper. Dry and dripping with terrible emotion, but he picks his self out of Jerry’s hold and wobbles through the house to the bathroom.

Jerry listens intently for any wrong sounds, falling or breaking, but nothing surfaces. After a long silence the water in the tub starts up, biting his bottom lip Jerry doesn’t know whether to check up on Jacoby or not. But then the water shifts from bath mode to shower mode and Jerry’s uneasiness calms a bit. He decides then to rustle through the fridge to find Jacoby something hearty to eat.

________________________________________________________________________

Stumped then ticked off Jerry can’t believe his eyes as he walks up through the studio to see Ember with her arms around another guy. “Ember,” He calls loudly as he makes his way to them, completely clueless.

“Oh hey Jerry,” Ember replies, feeling instantly uncomfortable as if she’s been caught in a lie; Matt was just leaving so she removes her hands from his body and only touches her lips to his for a second before he jets off, but not before saying a polite hello to Jerry first.

“And who is that?”

“A friend…” Shamefully, her eyes drop to the floor for a second. She didn’t think anyone would come check up on her.

“Mhm…a friend…interesting… Would he be a gay friend that kisses his female friends goodbye or a new boyfriend?” His lips pucker in anger as he can’t believe what his eyes have witnessed.

“You have every right to be upset-“

“Yeah I do. Do you know that Jacoby is home falling apart repeatedly over you? That he’s missing you so bad it’s hurting everything around him. That he can’t leave the house because he thinks you might come back? And you left him for what? To find yourself or make sure you really love him? I knew that sounded like bullshit but I didn’t know you left him for someone else-“

“J-“

“No, don’t you interrupt.” He snarls, appalling tears rimming his eyes as he continues talking ruthlessly. “And don’t tell me this isn’t what it looks like. He was fixing to propose to you and you write him off in a fucking note to play around with someone else?” And at the word propose her eyes smear up with tears of her own. She hadn’t known that, but even if she did would it have changed her mind? “You better go over there and tell him you aren’t coming back or I will. And trust me I won’t leave out all the little details here that you will.” He threatens in one last sentence before marching off to the quickest exit.

Ember stands there horrified and crying. Everything was going so well, why did he have to show up? Why did he have to find out what she was really doing? “But I’m not doing anything wrong.” She pleads to herself, trying to stop the tears that are making her eyeliner leak.

With no other choice Ember heads out of the studio and to her car. It’s time she pays Jacoby a visit and tells him she’s not coming back…Not right now…