Enigma

The smell of the hospital sunk into my senses. I felt the vomit creeping up my throat and I struggled against the sheets which tucked me tight against the bed.

“Annette?”

My mother’s hands brushed against my forehead.

My throat burned as my stomach heaved. A bowl was thrust into my hands and someone pulled my hair back from my face.

My breathing came in ragged gasps until I was finally able to lean away from the bowl. A glass of water was tipped to my lips and I sipped at the liquid.

The beeping next to the bed slowed and I opened my eyes to the crisp white of the hospital room. Mum peered down at me, her eyes watering.

“Annette, sweetie. God,” she bit her lip and looked away.

I pushed myself up and Mum grabbed the controller beside the bed and adjusted the angle of the bed so I could sit comfortably. I sniffed loudly and wiped my nose on my hand. Just sitting up in bed had made my head spin.

Dr Stepp bustled into the room, clipboard in hand. “What happened?”

Mum glanced her way, “She just woke up, and then threw up.”

Dr Stepp scribbled something, that was probably illegible to everyone but her, on her paper and pulled her stethoscope from around her neck.

“Morning Annette,” she smiled at me. There was a smudge of red lipstick on her teeth. “I didn’t expect to see you back here so soon. Did you miss me?”

I gave her a weak smile and tilted my head to the side, “Can’t stay away.”

“Lovely.” She moved so she was standing next to me. “Could you lean forwards a little please?”

She parted the back of the hospital gown and pressed the end of the stethoscope against my skin. Everyone else always says that it’s cold, but all I could feel was the pressure against my back.

“And breathe in... Hold it... And out again.” She moved the stethoscope to the other side of my back. “And again, in... And out. Perfect.” She scrawled something else on her paper. “Now look at me.” She fished a small torch from her pocket and placed her spare hand against my cheek, holding one eye further open and then the other. “Right, now, look at my finger.” I watched her finger as she shone the bright light into my eyes one at a time. “Okay.” More scribbles.

Mum stood and held my hand for a moment. “I’m just going to get a coffee. I’ll be back soon.”

“No rush.” Dr Stepp smiled at her. “Everything will be fine here. Why don’t you get something to eat as well?”

Mum looked at me and nodded slowly. “Okay, I’ll be back later Annette.”

Dr Stepp sat on the chair that Mum had just vacated and wrote more notes. I peered at them from the corner of my eye, not sure if I really wanted to know what she was writing. With a sigh, I rested back against the pillows. “Hospital beds really should be more comfortable,” I mused as Dr Stepp read over what she had written.

“Hmm?” She looked up at me and smiled after a moment’s hesitation. “Perhaps they should.” She leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs. “So Annette, would you be able to tell me what happened? Leading up to the fall?”

“Well, I guess I just felt a bit dizzy to start with, as if I’d stood up too fast,” my hands twisted together as I spoke, “but I definitely hadn’t. I don’t think I’ve moved slower in my life.” Dr Stepp smiled at my attempt at a joke. “Then everything just kept getting more blurry until I couldn’t see anything really.”

“And you didn’t think to call for help? Your mother said that she was awake when this happened, that she was downstairs making tea for you both.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to have to come back here. So I just hoped that I would be able to get by until it passed. I know that sounds stupid. Obviously I should have called for help. But there was just this part of me that refused to.” I cursed inwardly as I felt my nose tingle uncomfortably, a sure sign that I was about to start crying. “I’m so sick of being the way I am.” The first tear dropped down my cheek and I brushed it off. “I didn’t call for help because I don’t want to have to call for help.”

Dr Stepp fetched a box of tissues from the other side of the room and placed them beside me. “Everyone has to call for help sometimes Annette. Hasn’t there been a time when you called for help for something that was completely unrelated to... your condition?”

I glowered at her from behind a tissue. “Of course there has. But those times just don’t seem to compare.”

She nodded, her head tilted a fraction to the side as she watched me. “Okay.” She cleared her throat and stood. “Well, I’m just going to go type a few things up Annette and I’ll be back when I’m finished and we’ll see where to go from there.” She smiled as she turned and left the room.

I blew my nose loudly now that no one was in the room with me. Just one other thing that my pride would not let me do.