Jesus Had a Crown of Thorns

(Alacrity's Point of View)
I drove, happily, down the winding road from the Cullens' to La Push. 'Everything is going to be perfect.' I thought to myself, halting at a dirty stop sign that stood at the crossroads before the last road to La Push. Everything was fine. The sun was bright, the grass was green and my heart was light.

Unfortunately, as I pressed the gas petal down to demand the car to move again, something happened to end the perfection. My heart sank spontaneously with no explanation why. My once happy demeanor turned into a fearful one as I glanced out of the window and saw Jacob's house as a small, brown blob in the distance. And, then, the cause of my fear appeared, fangs bared with large hands gripping the windshield and eyes that were even wilder than his stance.

I screamed and swerved the car off of the dirt road and into the abyss of trees beside it, crashing into one in the process. Everything happened in a violent wave, reminding me of old raves I used to attend in my younger years (last year) and, when everything was still again and my stomach stopped jumping, I felt a strong pain in my leg. If only my body were impervious to naturally occurring injuries, damn it.

Ignoring the pain as much as I could, I crawled out of the dented door beside me and collapsed on the mossy ground below. As I glanced up at the yellow Porsche 911 Turbo, two things made my blood pressure increase: 1) I knew I was going to get a mouthful from Alice for destroying her gorgeous car (although, if I could juice up the leg injury enough, maybe she wouldn't care as much) and 2) Why is there a man on top of the wreckage, grinning?

Then, it hit me. Jesus, the thing that made me crash. And he was happy about it, too. "Sorry, miss." he said, politely, in a way that slightly reminded me of Edward. I glared. Sure, he was sorry. 'Oh, sorry for jumping on your car and almost killing you. How about I buy you lemonade to make up for it?' Stupid smooth-

"But, I am going to have to kidnap you. We can do this the easy way if you'd like." he said and offered his hand to me. Okay, what?! "And, don't worry about the scratch-" he began as the "scratch" that took up the entire width span of my leg bled more profusely. "-we can clean it up when we get there."

"Are you mad?!" I shouted, plunging my hand into the moss below,gathering it in my hand and throwing it at him. Okay, so I could have done better but, I was at a loss. This insane man was- Well, he was insane!

He shrugged. "Alright. We'll do this my way, then." he said, hopped down from the car and picked me up. The pain in my leg intensified and I called out, banging my fists on his back. "Oh, don't be such a child. This will be over soon if your boyfriend complies." he said, chuckled and completely disappeared, dropping me on the moss below, causing me to scream even louder. For fuck's sake! My leg was going to fall off!

He returned in an instant with wide, confused eyes. "Holy crap." he muttered.

I glared, trying to keep my tears in. "You're telling me! One minute, I am driving along and the next, I am the victim of a car-crashing maniac who-" I began, aching.

"You didn't teleport." he whispered. I glared even harder. "No. I don't have that ability you crazed goat! This isn't the fucking X-men!" I shouted, hastily glancing around the empty patch of grass surrounded by trees for something to bash his skull in with. Nothing was in my reach. I looked up, frantic, and slid subtly backwards.

He shook his head and whipped out a cell phone, walking a few feet away to take the call. This gave me my opportunity to crawl backwards and grab the moderately sized log behind me. "Don't even think about it." he called. I was shocked. Maybe a- a vampire? So then, why would be want to mess with Edward? And- that means- that means he broke the treaty. War was going to hit La Push and Forks... and hard.

And where would I be? In the shackles of this phyco?