Jesus Had a Crown of Thorns

(Alacrity's Point of View)
I placed a hand on my stomach. Did I feel something move? Excited, I held my hand over my belly button and waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing; no movement what-so-ever. I drowned an glanced at myself in the mirror. There can not possibly be a God. If there were a God, Bella wouldn't be dying in the other room. Even so, if there were a God, he or she would replace Bella with me and shove a monster inside of me. Everyone knows I deserve to be in that bed in pain more than Bella does. Bella is perfect; an angel and I've made quite a few mistakes in my life. A God would see that. A God would stop her pain.

"Alacrity.." I heard a familiar voice whisper. Rosalie. "I am selfish." she said. I turned to face her, confused. Yes. Yes, she was selfish but she seemed to desire her pride too much to admit that. "You can take Bella. I know she'll be upset but, eventually, I am sure she'll be more grateful to be alive than upset for the loss of her child. "

"I want a baby of my own- so badly that it blinded me. A vampire child is a danger not only to Bella but to my family and humanity as well. I just wanted it to be a chubby, little infant-" she smiled, tears developing in her eyes at the thought of a baby of her own. "but it won't be and you'll lose a sister; someone you love in the process of its birth as I will lose everyone I care about. Because we can't convince Bella to willingly give up the child, I want your permission to make Carlisle do it anyway."

My heart froze in excitement. I wanted to thank her. I wanted to take my Bella away right then. All I was able to do, however, was mumble, "Yes." in astonishment. She nodded and ran up the stairs. Immediately, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Edward followed her back down the stairs and, all but Edward, into the room where Bella lay.

He stared at me and there was silence. For a long moment, all I could hear was his steady breathing; calm but unnecessary. His eyes didn't match his breathing, however, and neither did his hair. His golden eyes were darker and his hair was disheveled and wild, standing up in awkward places as if he'd been running his strong hands through it all day. He seemed to be searching desperately for something to say,; searching his thoughts for something appropriate.

He finally decided on, "I am happy for you." I tried to smile but it seemed my body wouldn't respond to my thoughts. "Thank you." I muttered, happy that my lips would do something.

He ran a hand through his hair and looking down at the carpet. He was stressed from what I gathered but, about what I didn't know. "You and Bella can come back anytime you'd like. You are welcome to stay- I mean, if you need anything, I am here for you. It is the least I can do." he said, quietly.

I marveled at how beautiful he was for a moment and sighed heavily. This was supposed to be a wonderful moment but it felt more of a funeral than a celebration of Bella's continued life. I didn't want to leave. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled that Bella would survive but- I'd grown accustomed to this place; to Edward. Something made it hard to leave him; almost like I'd suddenly become a werewolf and imprinted on him- not to compare the sort of attachment to Edward to love..

Because I don't love him. I don't. I don't. I don't.

He moved to me slowly and looked into my eyes for a moment before taking my hands in his and kissing my forehead. "Please, come back." he whispered.

I might..