My Heart Is The Worst Kind of Weapon

"Where are you going?" A deep voice called from behind me.

"Nowhere," I replied, monotone, walking down the dark street.

"Get over here now!" The man demanded.

"No!" I screamed. I began running, but I wasn't going anywhere. He grabbed me from behind and hit me in the face.

"Get down," The figure whispered from behind me.

"Who are you?" I whispered with fear in my voice.

"You know who I am. Get down and take off all your clothes, or I'll shoot you."

"You wouldnt!" I screamed. He pushed me down on the ground against the wall, pointing his gun to my face.

"NO!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face and blood dripping from where he hit me. He pulled his finger back and pulled the trigger.

I shot my eyes open and sat up in my bed, gasping for air. It was only a dream. A freaky, reoccurring dream of my horrible relationship experience in America. It didn't even happen like that! I have no idea why this keeps happening.

I walked up to my concert ticket covered mirror and started brushing my hair, teasing my short layers, choking myself with hairspray. I grabbed one of my face wipes and cleaned the dried tears off my face, trying to wash away that horrible memory. I caked my sea green eyeshadow and winged the edges of my eyes with black eyeliner. I pulled out my black tank top and my teal green skinny jeans. I sat on the floor and tied my Vans High tops over the bottoms of my jeans.

I grabbed my RIOT! purse and ran downstairs.

"MUM! I'm walking to Hannah's!" I called to her.

"When will you be back?"

"Sunday. Most likely."

"SUNDAY," She stated, appalled.

"Ja. Why?"

"That's a bit long, don't you think?"

"Well I'm staying at Hannah's tonight, then staying at Kristine's tomorrow," I explained

"Just. Just be careful okay?"

"Don't worry, mum. I'll be okay!" I said optimistically, walking out the door. Hannah's house is a block away from Kristine's, so I had about a fifteen minute walk. I kept my head down as I mumbled along to the lyrics to Every Avenue's "Where Were You?"

"Where are you going?" I heard a voice call from behind me. I shivered, remembering the dream. I hesitantly looked behind me, only to find Kristine.

"Oh Kris!! You scared me! I'm heading to Hannah's. Staying the night there."

"Oh cool. I'm heading to Bill's. Staying the night there. Amy is coming along too." She smiled.

"I guess I'll see you at Tom's party tomorrow," I said.

"You decided to come!?" Kristine squealed.

"Ja. Why not?" I said, rhetorically.

"Oh Gott! Gustav will be so exc-- I wont finish that sentence."

"Good. I'll see you later!" I said, jogging up to Hannah's house.

I knocked on the door when I heard a small, high pitched bark.

"Jetzt schweig, Fishy!" I heard Hannah yell. She opened the door and I was greeted by a small dog.

"Oh hey Kari!" she said, brushing part of her purple fringe out of her face. "Stoppen sie es, Fishy!" she yelled at the dog.

"You named your dog Fishy?" I giggled.

"You are talking to the hyper one, remember?"

"That's true."

"Mutter! Kari ist da!" Hannah called, "Come on. Let's go to my room," She said, running up the stairs. Her room was covered in red paint and posters from German artists like Nena and Lukas Hilbert. I was shocked to find Avenged Sevenfold and Cobra Starship posters as well.

"You like them?" I asked, studying the posters.

"JA! ISN'T ZACKY VENGENCE JUST DELICIOUS!?"

"That he is, that he is," I agreed.

"Whatcha wanna do?" Hannah asked, sitting on her fluer di lis comfertor.

"I'm not sure. Is there like a mall in Germany?" I asked, confused

"We have a market that sells a whole bunch of wicked clothes. You wanna see if we can go?" Hannah asked

"Don't have to ask me twice."

"MUTTER! Können wir gehen auf den Markt?" Hannah called downstairs.

"Ja! Wieder durch acht, okey?" Her mother answered.

"Ja!"

Hannah grabbed her purse and grabbed my hand as we ran out the door. We started walking the streets, just talking.

"So what's it like having Georg as a boyfriend?" I asked

"He is the sweetest. I love him so fucking much, you have no idea."

"How long have you guys been dating?"

"Since freshman year. I met Amy and Kristine in eighth grade, and Kristine took us to Tom's party one Saturday night when I met Geo. We've been dating ever since."

"That's really sweet," I commented as we approached the marketplace. Hannah gripped my hand and pulled me into this alternative store, similar to Hot Topic.

"I need an outfit for the party tomorrow," I yelled over the loud music.

"Komm sie hier." Hannah led me towards the back of the room, pulling out a black denim skirt with skull embellishments, a white tee shirt with pink skulls on it, black leggings and a black vest.

"Simple, sweet and sexy."

"Ja. But how much does it cost?"

"About like, 20 euros all together."

"So in American money that would be forty bucks. Wow. Much cheaper than Hot Topic." I mumbled to myself. The man behind the counter took my money and handed me a reciept.

"Oh, Danke!"

"Wanna get something to eat?" Hannah asked.

"For sure. I haven't eaten all day!"

She took me to a food court where we got McDonald's. She sat there munching on chicken nuggets and fries, while I ate a salad. Hey, it's not my fault McDonald's hardly has anything vegetarian.

"So, anyone you like here in Germany?"

"Would you keep a secret for me?" I asked her a question back.

"Sure. What is it?" She said with fries in her mouth.

"I have like this big crush on Gustav." I whispered so no one within a 20 inch radius can hear me.

"KRISTINE CALLED IT! SHE KNEW IT!" Hannah jumped.

"SHUT UP!" I whisper-yelled, "You can't tell anyone" I scolded.

"I promise."

Time started flying by. We went up and down the escalators at the market place like, 100 times and bought more stuff. Hannah even picked up turquoise hair dye for me because I wouldn't stop complaining how boring my hair color was.

"It's almost 7:30. We gotta get back to my house before my mom kills us!" She joked.

We exited the marketplace as the sun was almost set.

"So can you tell me a bit about Gustav?"

"Well, he likes American bands like Metallica an--" I gasped, cutting her off. "What?"

"I grew up listening to Metallica and I love them!"

"Oh wow. You are such a Gusti girl." She rolled her eyes, "He's pretty much the shyest out of all of us. He hasn't had a girlfriend since freshman year. He dated this whore named Sarah and she accused him of cheating on her, meanwhile she cheated on him."

"That's terrible." I bit my lip, trying to force back my tears.

"Ja, and we all knew it too. It had to be the worst thing ever. Especially for Gus."

"Ah." I really couldn't say more than that. How can someone be so heartless to do that to Gustav!?

The rest of the walk home was silent. We ran up to Hannah's room and sat on her bed.

"Could we watch a movie or something?" I asked, trying not to sound rude.

"For sure! My dad just bought me 'The Dark Knight'," She said, walking over to a small shelf. She leaned over to her 32 inch screen TV and put the movie in. Her dad came up moments later with popcorn and soda for us. We turned off the lights and watched the movie.

"Ugh. I'm beat," I murmured. I looked over at Hannah, waiting for an answer, but the room stayed silent. "Guten nacht," I mumbled. I rested my head on my pillow, gripping my Jack teddy and dozed off, mentally preparing myself for Tom's party.