We Signed Our Life Away

I was scowling by the time Dan’s flight was announced. It had never really hit me that I would be spending the holidays without him. Alone with only my baby sister to hang out with.

“Dan you suck,” I repeated, laying my head on his shoulder.

“I could make some smart-ass remark but I won’t,” he grinned. “Why do I suck, love?”

“’Cause you is leaving me,” I sighed.

“Blame the ‘rents, Parker. As much as I hate to leave you, I so badly want to go to America but don’t worry. You’ll be with me next time,” he assured me, lifting my head off of his shoulder.

“Don’t go,” I whispered.

“Parker, please. You’ll be fine. I’m not the only person is Sheffield y’ know. You’ll be fine. Make a new friend but don’t forget me,” he chuckled.

“I won’t.”

“You won’t what?”

“Forget you. I can’t promise making a new friend though. You know how I am in social situations,” I shrugged.

“You made friends with me though,” he pointed out. “You’re loveable, gorgeous and I’m sure there’s someone out there who wants to bang you. I have to go now but you’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Pinky?” I giggled.

“A duh,” he replied, wrapping his finger around mine.

“Have fun,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist and squeezing him.

“I won’t be able to if you keep squeezin’ me like that,” he breathed before I let go.

“Sorry,” I laughed, hugging him loosely.

“I’ll send you letters and postcards and all that tourist shit,” he grinned, picking up his carry-on bag.

“You better. You know how much I love that crap,” I smiled before waving to him.

I watched as he turned away from me and began walking towards his gate where he would board a plane to America. Far, far away from England. And me. I felt tears shimmer behind my eyes but I forced them back. Dan’s coming back you fuckwit, I told myself. I fought back the tears before waving at his retreating back.

“Have fun without me,” I whispered.

Only after saying it did I realise how selfish I sounded but I pushed the thought aside. I am selfish. I am mean and… conceited. So what? As long as I have Dan, I’m fine. But I didn’t have Dan. All I had was my two-year-old sister Josie to entertain me. Fun.

After making sure I couldn’t see him any more, I grabbed hold of Josie and rushed her over towards the window so we could see Dan’s plane leaving.

“He’s going, doll. He’s left me,” I said, holding her hands while she stood on a plastic seat. “But I’ll be fine. I’ve got you, Sean and… Sheffield. I can do it. I can be strong, can’t I?”

Josie just made some odd noises while smacking her wee hand against the smudged glass. I took that as words of wisdom and plastered a smile on my tired face. Knowing that Dan was leaving me had made me stay up late at night, planning our last few hours together.

It was another half an hour before Dan’s plane left off. I made sure that everyone was waving because every wave made the plane a little bit safer. Or at least, that’s what Nana used to say. I made sure that we could no longer see his plane before we left the airport.

As the airports doors closed behind us, a grimace replaced my smile. My mother tried to talk to me but I just ignored her while jamming earphones into my ears are turning my music up as loud as it could go. Iron Maiden blasted in my ears loudly. Lets just say I was never one to mourn with slow, peaceful music. I always wanted something loud to distract me.

I watched as towering airport buildings transformed into rolling green hills. As the hills turned into urban sky scrapers until the familiar ‘Welcome To Sheffield’ sign came into view. I was back. But this time, I was back alone.

“Parker? Parker! Parker, for goodness sake!” my mother yelled, her voice barely audible over my music.

“What?” I grunted.

“Turn that music off right now. I want to speak with you,” she demanded.

I paused my music, pulled my earphones out and stared at her through the mirror.

“Now, just because Dan has gone doesn’t mean you can mope around and eat ice cream all day. You can help around the house or play with Josie. My, you could even go skating with Sean!” she suggested.

“Pfft. You want me to die?” I snorted.

“Parker! Just don’t sulk, okay? Dan isn’t the world,” she finished as she pulled up in our driveway.

“Whatever,” I said as I played my music again.

“I’ll be back later!” I screamed over my music as I walked away from my house.

It’s official, I thought. These holidays suck balls. Big motherfucking balls.